I have friends with children with severe autism and I worked for years as a support worker so I know how hard your situation is OP.
You are using the PIP money how it’s meant to be spent, like you pointed out if you gave it to your daughter she wouldn’t understand the value and spend it on useless items then have less food for the week or if she breaks something like an iPad or Tv that she relies on she would go without.
I have worked in residential settings with different security levels dependent on capacity. One had locked doors, the kitchen was locked and the residents had no control over their money and were just given a small amount of pocket money a week. The rest of their money ( benefits in their names) was used for trips out, specialised equipment or to replace things they would break (always iPads! I’ve had many many iPads thrown at me) and anything left went into savings for anything they might need in the future.
The kitchen had to be locked because quite a few of the residents would steal food and often do the same as your daughter and eat raw food, overeat or hide it.
I also worked in places where the residents were more independent but they still didn’t have full access to money. They had more of an understanding of what they wanted to spend it on like PlayStation games or art and craft supplies and they wouldn’t go out and necessarily waste it but they couldn’t budget and would spend all the money and then have nothing left later in the month and then get angry if they wanted anything.
The kitchen wasn’t locked but they had individual apartments and were given food daily or there was a communal kitchen with staff always present literally guarding the food.
I supported a man who constantly stole, staff had to make sure they brought nothing of value to work or locked it away, he stole from other residents, shops etc…
We struggled to take him anywhere because he would steal and it was usually just for the sake of it. He would steal things like photographs of people he didn’t know, DIY equipment from supermarkets, pens, make up etc… he’d even take rubbish from bins then hide it in his room.
We did get the police involved where they came to talk to him and explained it was a criminal offence and what could happen if he carried on. I suspect he had more capacity than your daughter though and so whilst he took it all in and didn’t steal as much it might not have the same impact on your daughter, you did put she understands the difference between right and wrong but am I right in thinking she wouldn’t link the repercussions if she was punished?
I also had to deal with the police a few times with other residents and they have special procedures based on capacity and are trained in how to deal with individual situations. At the end of the day a crime is still a crime but if the person doesn’t understand they are breaking the law and wouldn’t link the punishment to the crime then there needs to be a different way of addressing the behaviour.
You could ask the police for advice? I have always found them to be great in these situations and in a couple of cases have helped find other support resources or contacted other mental health professionals. They wouldn’t come and arrest your daughter and scare her and might not even do anything at all but it’s worth giving it a try if it’s impacting your life this much.
My friend who has severely autistic children was advised the same as you regarding locking doors and locking away food and the kitchen door. She refused to comply saying that the kitchen was full of dangerous items and the risk of eating rotten or raw food was too high to ignore. She said that unless she had more outside help she was going to do what she had to.
You might not want to go against the advice you’ve been given but it doesn’t sound feasible and going to court to fight is a lengthy process. If professionals continue to advise you differently than ask them to come and help!
I can’t imagine how hard it is for you, I used to be exhausted and so grateful I got to go home and have days off. I don’t think anyone understands how difficult it is being a carer for someone with disabilities and high needs until they do it themselves. I know you will be constantly on guard and bracing yourself for what happens next.
You mentioned that residential care isn’t an option until somewhere is found nearby? I think you need to challenge this and push harder for the sake of you and your daughter. If she’s in good hands you don’t need to be on the doorstep and it sounds like she would benefit from having full time support from trained carers in appropriate housing. It would encourage independence and give you a break as well.
Every place I have worked the staff have been amazing and so dedicated and caring and the residents were well looked after with trips out and really nice living accommodation. They even have a chef in some places that cook really nice meals for everyone.
I hope you can get some more support and I would maybe even contact a local MP if you don’t. Please take care of yourself as much as you can and see if you can find any proper support groups online for people in a similar situation who might be able to offer more advice.
I have changed small details on this so it’s not outing but I doubt the majority of people would have read it all! I hope it helps a bit though.