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AIBU?

To charge family for baby bits

395 replies

Cymruhills · 24/02/2024 23:13

My brother and his wife have recently discovered they're going to be parents for the first time and we, as well as other people have offered them baby things we no longer need.

So far I've mainly gifted them blankets, clothing and smaller items such as a steryliser and a bottle warmer.

We saw them today and they began listing some items they still need to get. Some of which they know we still have as our youngest is still using them/will be growing out of them soon. They were more expensive items (think £100+ to buy new) and things which I would have sold on, to try and make some money back in order to buy things which my children need.

I mentioned that we have some of the items they are looking for and explained that I'd happily pass them on to them but because they're slightly more expensive, I'd just like the amount for them that I would have sold them for (item dependant, but around 25% of the RRP).

My brother looked shocked that I'd mentioned buying them instead of them being gifted, like the other items I've previously given them. My DH says I should just loan them the things and when they're done, sell them then. Things felt a bit awkward and they left soon after.

I'm reluctant to loan the items as they will be in worse condition than they are now and also, it would be quite nice to have the money to spend now, for things that we need for my DC's, not in a year or so.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

2413 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
23%
You are NOT being unreasonable
77%
Fizzadora · 24/02/2024 23:14

No

Edited to add... unless of course it was given to you in which case yes.

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TestingTestingWonTooFree · 24/02/2024 23:14

He can buy your stuff, buy it from someone else or from a shop. If you can’t/don’t want to give it away, I think loaning is potentially problematic.

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TheShellBeach · 24/02/2024 23:15

Wow.

I've never heard of people charging their own families for second hand baby stuff.

I'm not surprised the atmosphere became frosty.

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BrightLightdarklight · 24/02/2024 23:16

TheShellBeach · 24/02/2024 23:15

Wow.

I've never heard of people charging their own families for second hand baby stuff.

I'm not surprised the atmosphere became frosty.

But if it was a pram or cot that the OP intended to sell and make some money back, she’s at a loss and the brother has an asset for free that he can sell.
I’d sell them OP.

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ColleenDonaghy · 24/02/2024 23:17

I'm torn tbh.

On the one hand, if you were planning on selling them (and particularly if you need the money) then he's being a CF.

But on the other, I never dreamt of charging my sister for our baby stuff when we passed it on, we were just delighted it was getting used and out of our house. I don't think it's really the done thing to charge family for stuff like this.

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alwaysmovingforwards · 24/02/2024 23:21

I'd just gift them. Unless I was broke.

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Bennettsister · 24/02/2024 23:21

Personally I just wouldn’t have said anything. If they want to buy a new pram or second hand that’s their business. You’re not obligated to give them your stuff - my sil recently had a baby and I gave her a lot of smaller items but a few more expensive things I put on eBay. However I wouldn’t have dreamt of asking if she wanted to pay for them.
I think I’d just leave it now. Maybe the awkwardness was because it seemed as though you were trying to make money out of them. I’d just go ahead and sell the things you were planning on selling.

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DistingusedSocialCommentator · 24/02/2024 23:22

I'm not sure its a culture thing but people from my background just give the stuff away.

We bought a lovely cot that cost a few quid for a GC and a buggy with a car seat that could be taken off buggy into car. Our son then gave it away to another relative - we are all happy that family is making use out of the items.
As my family looks after the stuff, once its no longer needed, we give it to charity shops.

We are all different and as some items these days can cost loads of money, I hear the OP, but me and my family are not there yet.

TBH, OP - give it to him, it will be nice to see your children's things used for your nephew/nieces.

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AbigTurtlesTail · 24/02/2024 23:22

I'm saying yanbu because you're not obliged to give expensive stuff away for free especially if you could do with the money yourself.

That being said I probably would have gifted it personally, or if I couldn't, just not mentioned it because I'd feel really awkward selling something to close family.

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Cymruhills · 24/02/2024 23:22

Probably should have added that we're not very close. We see them probably once a month or so and don't really talk much in between.

OP posts:
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DistingusedSocialCommentator · 24/02/2024 23:25

Cymruhills · 24/02/2024 23:22

Probably should have added that we're not very close. We see them probably once a month or so and don't really talk much in between.

Gosh oh might, not close, see once a month.

I dot get to see my siblings for months and a few times for a year, but we are family

However, it is your choice OP and you asked for thoughts and this is what I and others are doing

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Cymruhills · 24/02/2024 23:26

Bennettsister · 24/02/2024 23:21

Personally I just wouldn’t have said anything. If they want to buy a new pram or second hand that’s their business. You’re not obligated to give them your stuff - my sil recently had a baby and I gave her a lot of smaller items but a few more expensive things I put on eBay. However I wouldn’t have dreamt of asking if she wanted to pay for them.
I think I’d just leave it now. Maybe the awkwardness was because it seemed as though you were trying to make money out of them. I’d just go ahead and sell the things you were planning on selling.

It was all said in a sort of 'we still need x, y and z. You still have yours, don't you?' so I sort of had to acknowledge the fact that yes we do and I'm happy to pass them on but unfortunately, unlike the smaller bits, I would have liked some money for it as I had been planning on selling them anyway.

OP posts:
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WandaWonder · 24/02/2024 23:27

We just gave it all away the non sentimental stuff we had no use of it anymore it was simpler anyway

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TheChosenTwo · 24/02/2024 23:27

I’d have to be on the absolutely bones of my arse before I even considered asking for money if things I didn’t need to family members. Even to friends.

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Yummymummy2020 · 24/02/2024 23:28

I think loaning is a nightmare, you might never get it back or if you do it might potentially be in bad condition. But, I don’t think you need to feel bad selling it. I probably wouldn’t have offered them on sale to them though, but mentioned you have yours up on x website and if they wanted to buy off you they could just either ask or do it the formal way through the second hand site. I personally wouldn’t presume to get expensive things for free, even off a sibling. I think you should be able to sell on guilt free.

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Rosestulips · 24/02/2024 23:29

What things is he wanting you to give to him?

would you get much for them?

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BobbyBiscuits · 24/02/2024 23:30

I would say don't give them stuff if you are uncomfortable with it. If you think you'd rather sell it just list it for sale. There's no need to do favours for people if it might make things awkward. Especially if you are not close.
They are having a kid, lucky them. If you wish to gift them something you do not need to sell then do so. But do not feel obliged.

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itsalwaysthesame · 24/02/2024 23:30

I see my brother around once a month and don't talk much in between, we are close though it's just we both have young kids (his younger than mine( and do y have much time to talk. I'd never accept let alone expect him to but my used baby or child's things. I gave them loads and it makes me happy I am help him and his family out.

I love him very much and my nephews too, plus we have a good relationship.

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Prawncow · 24/02/2024 23:31

Offer it for free or tell them that you’re glad you could pass on some smaller stuff but you’ve always planned to sell the pricier baby stuff on eBay and use the money to redo your child’s bedroom, buy their toddler bed or to go towards a family holiday. Telling family that they can have your child’s baby stuff for 25% rrp is just awful.

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ohdamnitjanet · 24/02/2024 23:31

I never asked anyone to give me baby stuff, or expected it, and I was absolutely skint. You have every right to sell, I wouldn’t give it another thought.

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NewName24 · 24/02/2024 23:31

TheChosenTwo · 24/02/2024 23:27

I’d have to be on the absolutely bones of my arse before I even considered asking for money if things I didn’t need to family members. Even to friends.

This.

It might be cultural, but it just wouldn't occur to me to charge family for things I no longer want / need.

If you are planning on selling stuff, then you should have just not said anything, as it wasn't available, but there isn't much money to be made in used baby stuff.

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Prydddan · 24/02/2024 23:33

TheShellBeach · 24/02/2024 23:15

Wow.

I've never heard of people charging their own families for second hand baby stuff.

I'm not surprised the atmosphere became frosty.

Just because you had children first, dies tjat really mean that the next sibling to go gets the right to have your stuff gifted to them? Babygros, OK. But expensive items worth (as specified here) £££s on tje secondary market? I'm with OP, yhey're being entitled CFs if they expect them for nothing.

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Lizzieregina · 24/02/2024 23:33

YANBU. The bigger stuff is expensive and if you’d already planned to sell it on, then it’s fine to expect them to buy it, as I’m sure it’ll be a way better deal than buying new.

I borrowed and returned things often when my kids were little, and also gave stuff away, but it was the olden days when it was hard to find places to sell stuff.

Nowadays, a travel system (buggy/car seat combo) could be hundreds of pounds. No harm trying to get some of that back.

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Zonder · 24/02/2024 23:34

How do they know you're not planning more babies? You could just say you haven't finished with them yet.

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Shithole101 · 24/02/2024 23:35

Personally I would not charge anything

I think 25% of original price is quite expensive for a 2nd hand item .

I would not do the loan thing if something gets damage it will cause upset.

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