To charge family for baby bits

[Cymruhills]

My brother and his wife have recently discovered they're going to be parents for the first time and we, as well as other people have offered them baby things we no longer need.

So far I've mainly gifted them blankets, clothing and smaller items such as a steryliser and a bottle warmer.

We saw them today and they began listing some items they still need to get. Some of which they know we still have as our youngest is still using them/will be growing out of them soon. They were more expensive items (think £100+ to buy new) and things which I would have sold on, to try and make some money back in order to buy things which my children need.

I mentioned that we have some of the items they are looking for and explained that I'd happily pass them on to them but because they're slightly more expensive, I'd just like the amount for them that I would have sold them for (item dependant, but around 25% of the RRP).

My brother looked shocked that I'd mentioned buying them instead of them being gifted, like the other items I've previously given them. My DH says I should just loan them the things and when they're done, sell them then. Things felt a bit awkward and they left soon after.

I'm reluctant to loan the items as they will be in worse condition than they are now and also, it would be quite nice to have the money to spend now, for things that we need for my DC's, not in a year or so.

So, AIBU?

It was all said in a sort of 'we still need x, y and z. You still have yours, don't you?' so I sort of had to acknowledge the fact that yes we do

Although they didn't ask you outright to give the things to them, they might as well have done. So I agree with a few PPs that they started it. To me the key thing is that you already had plans to sell them and knew what you wanted to do with the money. It's not the case that they asked and you suddenly saw a chance to make some dosh.

What are they like generally? CFs in other ways? Genuinely hard up? Do they ever help you? Have they gone all PFB and think that means the world owes them whatever they want? Now they've gone you have time to think about it and these are some of the questions I'd be asking myself. A lot of PPs have said they wouldn't dream of charging their siblings - but gone on to say that they have good relationships with them. You may not have.

Oh you're right, sorry OP!

I read it as 25% 'off' the RRP, not 25% 'of'

Op on one hand I don't think you are being unreasonable but at the same time baby stuff is hard to sell, ao many people want new for their baby.

25% off the original price I'd rather pay the full price an buy new if I was looking to buy, but then I'd just gift it to my family.

Going to visit your sister with a mental shopping list is OK though? Tell them it's going on eBay and leave it there. Not everyone can afford altruistic gestures.

Would they then sell it on when finished with

Can they not afford to have this baby ?

I think people need to reserve their judgment here.

Some people can't afford to give away valuable things. I see people painstakingly listing baby bits online for small amounts of money- I don't think 'oh they're greedy' I think 'wow this young family is reliant on every £.'

OP, if you need the money just say they aren't available because you're planning to sell them.

If you could wait for the money- maybe loan them to your brother on the understanding he'll sell them for you and give you the profit. His effort in return for all the free usage.

We passed on all our baby stuff to BIL and some of it was expensive, but that was our decision. I think, if you needed to recoup the money it was probably best not to have said anything or, if they were really pushy, let them know you were planning to sell them on (they have an opportunity to offer an amount). In their shoes I wouldn't have an issue with this as you have already been generous, but they may still feel you are unreasonable. I don't think loaning will work because if you don't get the stuff back or it's damaged what will you do? You can't charge them and it will just cause bad feelings in the family.

I’m with you OP. Just because I have something that I don’t use it’s not a free for all. I buy my Lo nicer stuff and they resale well. I’ve had relatives asking for things and they know for some of the stuff they may have to pay.

Once a month is a lot!

It wouldn't occur to me to charge family for things they need that I have and won't be using. There's no one rich or even middle class in our family so I'm not sure if it stems from that or if that's just a regional thing.

YANBU.

You choose what to do with your old things. You have kindly gifted some items to your brother. Obviously, if you were well off and were selling all your stuff to family by the vest/babygrow you'd be unreasonable/tight.
If you are hard up, it is perfectly reasonable to want to sell larger items and therefore, if your brother would like them, he can pay. It is a CF of him to think he can get all his baby equipment from his big sis for free.
It is kind you have given what you have. It is rude he has presumed/asked for more.

YANBU, my brother has expected to get all our stuff for free and I was happy to pass on clothes and stuff, but we have bigger things like pram, bike/ski trailer, snowsuits, ski equipment etc where I bought a better quality brand specifically because I knew I could sell it on afterwards. He was super miffed when I said I’d sold DD’s ski equipment to buy her new gear this year 🤷‍♀️. But I bought Patagonia specifically because where we live, I can resell for 80% of what I paid (always buy at end of season sales and resell in November) and then get the next size with only a small additional investment.

He also isn’t that careful with his stuff so our pristine £1000 pram was no longer in resellable condition when he was done with it :(.

Id just say you’d budgeted for reselling it and you’re happy for him to have first crack but you need to sell.

Unless you are truly desperate for the money I cannot imagine selling items to family. However if you are in such a awful financial situation I'd hope your family would would offer to help.

I personally wouldn't charge family.

YABU

I have gratefully received free stuff from my friends and I happily pass them onto others. Sometimes I take them out for a meal as a gesture of thanks.

I think if you wanted to sell the stuff, that’s absolutely fine too. But where you went wrong is not just selling it and telling your family you wanted to sell it to them. IMO it should either be:

I’m selling the stuff to other people so don’t have anything else available for you

or

Yes by all means have this stuff

I think its absolutely your right to sell whatever you want, anything you bought is yours to do with as you wish and families (especially ones who are not close knit) don’t have to share expensive items - even baby items. These relatives should be grateful for any bits you want to give them, which sounds like plenty already.

When they gave you the list you should have just briefly explained, ‘oh, sorry, I’d planned on selling the cot and pram but you’re welcome to take the bath and nappy bin if you like’ and left it at that. You shouldn’t have presented selling things to them as an option as taking money from them would never cross your mind!

Don’t loan them things. You’ll never see them again and there will be resentment or you’ll get them back trashed and useless…and there’ll be resentment.

Just go ahead with your plans to sell the items and don’t mention them again. By the time the baby comes they’ll have forgotten about them.

I'm pretty mortified you'd charge your own sibling tbh, but obviously you can't really have a very close relationship. In my family we don't charge each other for things

Exactly this. If you can't count on family, then who can you count on

They sound like scroungers. They in effect, assumed you'd give them expensive equipment and were basically asking you to stump it up. You'd already given them stuff for nothing but they weren't grateful. They really put you on the spot. They'll be asking for your car next or more likely outgrown toys, books, trikes, scooters, gaming system for years ahead. I wouldn't loan them stuff as it will come back much the worse for wear if it even comes back. I sold on my cot to a friend and she insisted on paying me more than I asked as she said it was a bargain being in absolutely pristine condition. Money is not a dirty concept but your SIL seems to think begging is better than buying.

I think in this instance you only have 2 options - give it to them for free, or sell it yourself to strangers.

So just sell the stuff and end of, OP. No need to stress yourself out over this.

You don’t owe anyone anything. For all they know you might be planning more babies.

Also, as other pps have said, I also couldn’t see myself charging family for items I no longer needed.

Ummmm what are you his Mother? Buy it himself.
When I had DS I did ask Siblings for a few items I had purchased them such as Stokke folding bath with newborn insert I paid £80 for it. Baby Bjotn Carrier I paid £120 for it. So I asked. If I could have them as they were not having anymore kids and they agreed. But those items I purchased them.

But I wouldn't dream of asking for something they paid for and then being offended when they said no. Just say ok thanks and purchase themselves.

Came back to say, definitely do not loan anything you wish to have back. It never ends well.