To charge family for baby bits

[Cymruhills]

My brother and his wife have recently discovered they're going to be parents for the first time and we, as well as other people have offered them baby things we no longer need.

So far I've mainly gifted them blankets, clothing and smaller items such as a steryliser and a bottle warmer.

We saw them today and they began listing some items they still need to get. Some of which they know we still have as our youngest is still using them/will be growing out of them soon. They were more expensive items (think £100+ to buy new) and things which I would have sold on, to try and make some money back in order to buy things which my children need.

I mentioned that we have some of the items they are looking for and explained that I'd happily pass them on to them but because they're slightly more expensive, I'd just like the amount for them that I would have sold them for (item dependant, but around 25% of the RRP).

My brother looked shocked that I'd mentioned buying them instead of them being gifted, like the other items I've previously given them. My DH says I should just loan them the things and when they're done, sell them then. Things felt a bit awkward and they left soon after.

I'm reluctant to loan the items as they will be in worse condition than they are now and also, it would be quite nice to have the money to spend now, for things that we need for my DC's, not in a year or so.

So, AIBU?

When I had LG I borrowed a lot of stuff from my sister, including expensive stuff like the next2me and Elvie pump and then gave it back so she could sell it if she wanted rather than being given it.. is this an option?

They weren't expecting to be gifted anything.

In the original post the OP says he suggested lending them the items, and they would give them back.

Unless the OP is very strapped for cash, I'd say she's the one who is tight.

Definitely this!

If it's expensive stuff, he's being cheeky asking. He obviously knows it is expensive to buy and trying his luck.

Just sell it. Use the money towards your own child.

IME things that are loaned either get broken/ damaged/ not returned. If you lend something you have to be prepared to not get it back.

Realistically how much money would you really make, a few thousand in total if that? To me I'd be happy to gift this to a relative (that I liked), if I got no thanks or a token gift for my DC, then I would stop giving. I can't imagine asking a relative for money, we don't do this in our family, I'd hate to have a grabby family like this.

A few thousand is not some measly token amount...

that being said do people really make a few thousand from a second hand pram/cot/travel system?!!?

Ignore all the ‘mortified’ posters who have no idea why you need to sell not give away. For me that’s the important question - do you need the money? And can family afford to buy? If both those answers are yes then go ahead. If you need the money and they can’t afford it you sell to someone else. If you don’t need the money and they can’t afford it it would be generous to gift it….

No, I personally wouldn't ever charge family for passing on our baby bits. If you really need the money just don't offer them at all and sell them separately but don't charge family for them.

Well lucky for you that a few thousand wouldn't make a dint in your pocket. Your medal is in the post 🙄

They pay now and suggest them to sell the items afterwards.

Couldn't you just say, I'm probably going to sell that one one and leave it at that? They are being very direct by listing what they need, you could be equally direct and say you're selling it.

Unless there is a big income disparity, in which case i'd probably give to them.

@AbigTurtlesTail No I wouldn't think so, but then I don't think that respondent has much grasp of the value of money in general.

So far I'd say I've spent about £300 in total on second hand baby items, and that's probably got me about £1500 worth of stuff had it all been bought new.

£300 isn't exactly life changing, but if all from the same person would be a good contribution to their next size car seat or toddler bed or whatever. Not to be scoffed at.

I think your only error was here:

I mentioned that we have some of the items they are looking for and explained that I'd happily pass them on to them but because they're slightly more expensive, I'd just like the amount for them that I would have sold them for (item dependant, but around 25% of the RRP).

It probably would have been better if you’d just said what you were intending to do: “Sorry, I do have those things, but I’m intending to sell them.”

The ball would then have been in his court to either say “That’s a pity” or “Would you consider selling them to us, how much are you looking for?”

It’s easy to say that with hindsight though. The way you put it just sounds awkward to me. There’s no guarantee you’d get the price you wanted or be able to sell the things at all.

I had this situation with my DSis as we had babies 12 months apart.

we’re a high earning household so most stuff I bought were top brands and all brand new.

for the first 2 years I would pass most stuff to her, she would use it then sell it on 🤔

I was cheating myself out of a lot of money by passing stuff on when I could have sold it.

Dsis felt she should get it free as she’s my sister. She had all sorts, right down to socks and underwear, shoes etc.

She then proudly told me that she had barely bought her ds a thing since he was born, yet BIL used to tell me how expensive children were 🤔🤣😲

I felt that DN was being kitted out on the back of me, and I was out of pocket for stuff I could have sold on.

i also had another relative ask me for stuff, use it then I would find them selling it on Facebook.

So I started a Vinted account and started selling stuff (DSis didn’t want to buy them) and very quickly started regaining some costs. DSis then started buying stuff for DN and very quickly realised how it mounts up 🤣

She then asked if she could have first refusal of things I were selling, I now sell them to her at the price I would get for them on Vinted.

A lot of people don’t have ‘a few thousand’ to spare at the moment! I don’t see it as ‘grabby’ at all to want to sell expensive items rather than give them away. Surely it’s ‘grabbier’ to want big items for free!

@Justfinking

Fancy turning your nose up at a few thousand pound!

What planet are you on?

I'm totally with you OP and I'm having a similar situation at the moment, albeit with close friends rather than family.

You've already been generous giving them lots of your things for free. It's not fair that you should have had to pay out for stuff and they then get it all for free.

I think you're totally within your rights to offer to sell items on that you were going to sell anyway. The proceeds from those mean you can buy things you need for your kids that you may then pass on to them again one day (or sell at a fraction of the price).

I think it’s fine. I have Ds car seats (x2 0-4 year old swivel maxi cosi ), slings (ergo embrace and ergo omni), babybjorn travel cot. All bigger ticket items, all fairly premium brands and prices new. New approx -£500 for both the car seats, £100 each sling, £200+ travel cot. So £800+ worth of items that are still in excellent condition. I will easily get 25%+ back -£200/300 which I will use to buy the next size up car seat

It's her sibling! Grabby much. Honestly some people would sell their mother for a couple of hundred quid 😒

Agree with this. Have you checked on FB marketplace and ebay OP? Most items sell for 10% of the original price unless you have very high end branded stuff. In my area many prams, cots etc are being given away. Frankly most things are not in a great condition after being used by 1-2 babies.

I wouldn’t charge a family member unless absolutely skint. Wouldn’t even occur to me. I have given DB lots of beautiful girls clothes and coulr have easily made ££ on vinted instead. And we are not close either.

I was also being generous, I was thinking maybe a bassinet, pram, cot, change table, high chair even that's probably being hopeful in terms of sell-on.

Unless everything is absolutely pristine you won’t get that much back. A lot of people don’t want 4 year old car seats anymore. I struggled to give mine away for free!

Also in terms of non-big ticket items, it's hardly being generous giving these away as you'd need to anyway. Of course it's lovely for the recipient and will save them loads, but realistically you won't make any money off them. Mine I have either given to charity shops or the last bulk lot to one of the pregnant nursery workers at DCs nursery (about 5 boxes worth), she was very grateful and I felt chuffed that she would get use from them

Unless you are selling Gucci it’s highly unlikely. Look at fb marketplace. Good high end prams are selling for £100, cots for £20-30 etc. people here are overestimating how much their used stuff is worth. And there is a LOT out there! Whenever I need something I can immediately find tons of it on marketplace.

Rather tacky in my opinion. I just wouldn't had mentioned the items if I wasn't willing to give them away.

People don't understand all the issues that blur the lines when you mix family with finances. What if the buggy breaks after a week? What if there are bolts missing when they come to put the cot together? They'll be right back to you demanding their money back. Then there is more ill feeling. How is this worth it?