To ask what your 'glass next to the dishwasher' moment was?

[Rosesareradish]

Or is it the straw that broke the camels back?

I was working today, so I asked DP to get something out of the freezer to defrost for dinner. He was at home with the children, I was working until 6. At lunch time I text to say I would go to Aldi after work so I'd be late home.

I got home at 7.15, I unloaded the car and he put the shopping away. I went for a wee and said goodnight to the children. I then went in to the living room to ask what was for dinner. Nothing! He didn't get anything out of the freezer, he gave the children soup for tea and he had a nice sausage roll he'd bought.

No thought whatsoever to me eating. My irked face probably gave me away and he suggested I have cereal or cook something I'd just bought from Aldi.

AAAARGH.
AIBU to be so annoyed? I would never have left him without dinner after working. Especially if he then went and did the weekly shop afterwards (which he never does anyway..!)

I would never have left him without dinner after working.

I suggest you do exactly that next time. Will make your point very effectively…..

Selfish twat. Is he always like this? Get yourself a takeaway, eat it in bed watching a film with a big glass of wine.

YANBU.

Mine was I came back from a month away and he didn’t want to collect me from the airport that’s a 15 minute drive away at 8pm.

I came home by taxi and he was sleeping.

Agreed. Fight fire with fire.

I honestly think many men are stupid, oblivious and/or just don't care. He'll probably not notice or it won't bother him. Best to just tell him what the problem is at the time than bother with games

Oh they always notice no food for them. Always.

When he left my daughters pissy sheets /bedding to wash his own stuff - put it on a full wash and dry cycle (washer dryer), so 4hrs +. Meaning said pissy bedding would have been left in the bathroom until goodness knows when ... Bedding could have been washed and hung to dry and his stuff done after... I'd been working nights, couldn't have a shower when I got up... Spent the rest of the day in the laundrette.

Yanbu.

Mine was when he “helped” the barmaid from the local pub home with her luggage after she returned from a holiday - leaving me at home with a crying 6 week old baby and severe pnd trying to cope. I dumped him when dd was 6 months old - this was 21 years ago now.

I can't imagine feeding kids, myself, and not realising that this means my partner has nothing for dinner. He clearly knows and just doesn't give a shit if you even eat

When he told me it was just as easy for me to throw away his snot encrusted, screwed up tissues as it was for him. In fact it would be quicker because I wouldn't have to go out of my way to nag him to do it.

It's still taking me several years to try to leave, but that was the day I thought "Fuck you".

Ex DP screamed at my 12 year old son who accidently bumped into the dining chair he was sitting in bringing his bike through to the garden (terraced house).
He acted like an injured footballer when DS hadn't even touched him, just knocked the chair slightly.
He was milking his fibromyalgia diagnosis for all it was worth. He was totally fine before the chair knock. The look on his face towards my son was the moment I knew it was doomed.

When he got actual shit on our bedsheets. He’d once got it on his boxers and left them in the laundry for me to find. I told him it was absolutely disgusting and that we were breaking up. He apologised a lot, tried to explain why / how it happened (it came down to bad wiping and too much body hair) and promised it would never happen again. I decided to give him another chance. A couple of weeks later I found slip marks on our bed. I cried so much but I knew there was no coming back from that.

If you'd been more specific either in your request about cooking for everyone, then this might have been averted.
I'm going to Aldi indicates I'm bringing food home.

F

Him choosing to go part time (without telling me) because “we” were doing well financially and then pointing out the million and a half pound barn conversion he fancied as our next home… I didn’t get that barn, but I did get one similar…he’s back with his parents now

When I asked him to help more around the house if he wanted me to be less tired at night and he said "sex is not connected to housework"

He started picking only his clothes out of the laundry basket and washing only those, because he said I had "too many clothes".

That and looking at the meal I'd cooked and saying "Can't I just have pasta?"

We split up the following day.

Exp didn't love with me but stayed at my house about half the week and couldn't move from helpful assistant to equal partner. I gave him an ultimatum that either I left him or he bought prepared and served one meal a week. One. On Thursdays when he arrived at my house ages before me.

He managed it once. Once. What he served was nothing exciting but he got it done.

Second week he cheerfully phoned as ask if he should put dinner on. Yes please I said. To which he replied ok what are we having?

Third week he did nothing.

In addition he also did the actual glass by the sink even though he knew it drove me into rage and I'm not an angry person.

It's funny I was thinking about starting a thread called 'not a red flag but a deal breaker'

No. I asked him to get something out of the freezer to defrost so he could do that for dinner.
That was perfectly clear. Unfortunately he didn't (or forgot?) So there was nothing defrosted ready for him to cook - hence feeding the children soup and himself a nice sausage roll.

When he sat on his arse holding the baby "while you do that thing you do, it's magic, I can't do it..."

"That thing" was tidying up, mainly mess he'd made. I realised then he was never going to be equal when it came to the housework etc. and that he saw me as a glorified maid. There were many other contributing incidents but for some reason this was the moment I truly realised what lay ahead for me if we stayed together. I still remember the feeling of tired anguish that came over me.

Reader, we didn't stay together and it was one of the best decisions I ever made!

He was working away, renting a flat, I was travelling (a long distance) to spend weekends there.

I got there one weekend to find all his takeaway meals rubbish in a circle around the bed! All his washing waiting for me to come and do it.

I just thought "what kind of mug am i?" That was the weekend I was done. Added to that he was in an area that would have been lovely to go and explore and yet he wanted to spend each wkend sat in front of the TV. Which is actually what he did when we lived together full time so God knows why I thought it would be any different!

I would have ordered a massive Chinese. I wouldn't have shared. And I'd stop cooking his meals.

Oh you should meet my spouse. We once got caught in the rain on our way home from the park, and the walk took us so long we were all super hungry, and soaked. Once we got home, I said "You go fix something to eat, I'll get the kids changed". I got our toddlers warmed up and into clean dry clothes, we went to the dining table with our stomachs growling - and husband entered from the kitchen with a plate full of sandwiches for himself.

Apparently I didn't specify he needed to fix something for everyone.

The problem with not cooking for him in retaliation as some PPs suggested is that it won’t sink in. He’ll just shrug his shoulders and eat a sausage roll.

As (mostly) parents on this board, we should ensure that we’re not bringing up idle and disrespectful sons for women of the future to deal with.

My ex was mollycoddled by his mother who did everything except wipe his arse. I don’t blame her entirely - this guy got As in maths, economics and German A Levels so I’m sure he could’ve figured out the rudiments of cleaning and laundry by himself. But she is partly responsible, along with his dad who watched her do everything.

What a nasty man. What does he do that makes you feel good?