To ask what your 'glass next to the dishwasher' moment was?

[Rosesareradish]

Or is it the straw that broke the camels back?

I was working today, so I asked DP to get something out of the freezer to defrost for dinner. He was at home with the children, I was working until 6. At lunch time I text to say I would go to Aldi after work so I'd be late home.

I got home at 7.15, I unloaded the car and he put the shopping away. I went for a wee and said goodnight to the children. I then went in to the living room to ask what was for dinner. Nothing! He didn't get anything out of the freezer, he gave the children soup for tea and he had a nice sausage roll he'd bought.

No thought whatsoever to me eating. My irked face probably gave me away and he suggested I have cereal or cook something I'd just bought from Aldi.

AAAARGH.
AIBU to be so annoyed? I would never have left him without dinner after working. Especially if he then went and did the weekly shop afterwards (which he never does anyway..!)

He told me “You never do anything!”. I was working FT (and the major earner), caring for a toddler without any input from him, attending to all the household admin etc. He devoted the weekends to his hobby so wasn’t home.
Honestly, in the end all the love you have is killed stone dead. I can still remember the sense of freedom when I left.

I can't even remember now but the disrespect didn't end when the relationship did

I'm still pissed off that he came to pick up the kids one Friday, asked if he could use the bathroom to shave , I said no ive just cleaned in there . He did anyway and left skid marks in the loo and his hair in the sink after using my razor

It's been 6 years and it still fucking infuriates me

When it was his turn to cook he'd say he wasn't that hungry and would just make himself a sandwich. I'd have a packed lunch everyday for work so didn't want another one for tea, so I ended up cooking every night. Also when I was cooking I'd put extra in pots for the little one so I could grab them out for his meals through the week. So, I'd be making all the little ones meals as well, as frozen sandwiches weren't really going to work for a toddler.

Sadly I buried my head in the sand about moment after moment. By the time I was looking separation in the face, I can across the book the thread title references. I bought it and he read it and he said 'this is us' and then he still did nothing about it. He's still doing nothing 6m after I asked him to move out, including making no effort to see our children. I'm ashamed it took me so long.

This is now your new normal…

Him… “What’s for dinner?”
You ”Whatever you want, Darling. I’ve had mine.”
Him…”???”

I can still remember the sense of freedom when I left.

@Longdarkcloud I still remember the thought, completely unbidden, leaping into my head as I looked at him, "you're not my problem any more". It was like a bucket of cold water dropping into my brain. People talk about a moment of clarity...

And just because it's important.to say, new DH is NOT perfect. But he's great. We're fallible together. I genuinely like him. Plus the rest. It wasn't me. There is a life after an arsehole.

Never too late. And you still cooked for him after that?

How sad that families don’t eat together anymore. 3 different meal times ffs.

That’s your take from the OP?!

My ex did this and I wondered if it was a cultural thing.
Blow his nose on paper serviettes during a meal and leave them scattered on the table for his mother to clear.
Much worse than that, he blew his nose into the bathroom sink early one morning.. and left it there. 🤢
I was at home with a six month baby and left it there all day to show him. Incandescent doesn't even touch it 🤬
Years later, I had a fling with someone from the same culture and he did the same in the hotel bathroom sink.
Never come across it from anyone else and I grew up with brothers.

A few weeks into a new relationship, I was watching TV on the sofa with my new boyfriend at his house. He said "I'm just going to make some tea" and got up and walked into the kitchen.

when he came back he had one mug of tea, for himself. I said "where's my tea?' and he looked at me and said 'oh you didn't say you wanted one.'

Then he settled back into his seat and looked at the television and sipped his tea. At that moment I knew that this was not the man for me. I left and never saw him again.

I hope he found out very quickly indeed that he was wrong - and that you are living a much better life without him. 🌹

I'm willing to bet this isn't the only thing that's wrong in your relationship. Are you quite sure there's no way you can get away from this unkind and ungrateful person and live a better life without him? There are agencies you can talk to get advice on finances so you have an idea of how you could cope financially without him. 🌹

This is so true. I also find men who blame the women to be the same men who also never lifted a bloody finger.

I have 2 sons, they see their dad do a lot of the housework, take them for the weekly shop occasionally, be an active part of raising them. They will have chores and know how to run a house. They will not be raised to think it is the womans job to do all housework and child rearing!

Such a hideous lack of respect for each other. I grew up in a similarly toxic ‘home’ and it seemed such an awful way to treat someone you once professed to love that it sadly put me off ever getting married. It also modelled low expectations of how a relationship should look, resulting in many wasted years before I found a good partner. Take care OP! Your DC will be absorbing all of this.

We were living in a hot country where you couldn’t drink the water so we had a water machine that occasionally needed changing / sorting out.

I was out walking the dog (which he never did even though it was him that was all for the dog in the first place because), and when I got back I was sweaty and thirsty.

I went to get myself some water from the cooler and he said ‘oh that’s empty’. So I opened the fridge where I knew he kept ‘his’ bottles of water to make sure they were extra cold and he said ‘Don’t touch my water! Just change the machine’

I nearly exploded and wanted to scream in his face ‘WHY THE FUCK DIDNT YOU CHANGE THE MACHINE, you knew it was empty, you knew I would be thirsty when I came back, and you don’t want me to touch your water. Just WTF.’

I didn’t say anything though I just silently changed the water cooler and left shortly afterwards.

Are you sure it is too late for you to leave?

I really hope you never cook that horrible man another meal again!

@GreenClock

On point remark so 👌 spot on you've nailed it. !

It was the shampoo that did it. Going out for a year then had a weekend away in a cottage in the lakes. After arrival I had a shower and used his shampoo. An inquisition followed. I got my bag and walked out . Blocked him and never saw him again. It was the realisation that I was not worth more than a few pennies of shampoo to him

Sadly, this isn't about the OPs husband not cooking dinner. It's about the OPs husband not loving, caring or respecting her enough to make sure she's nurtured after a day at work

He was probably tired after looking after the children all day ..... therefore felt it wasn't his job to care for his wife

I find men like this utterly abhorrent

I hope you ordered yourself a takeaway op, and didn’t offer any to him!

I am not sure how exactly you phrased it but if I told my DH to get something out the freezer to defrost for dinner he would have literally done that. So I would have returned to some defrosted meat/fish but unless I specifically said cook it for dinner for all of us as I will be late, he would assume that I was going to do it. 😩🤦🏽‍♀️

Also your message about going grocery shopping at ALDI makes it sound like you are picking up some bits you need to make dinner. Maybe clearly state I will be late, you are in charge of sorting dinner for all of us. Hopefully will yield better results.

Well it wouldn't have bothered me because I'd have picked up something easy for me when I did the shopping. However, my husband would have offered to cook it for me and made me a cup of tea.

My moment was letting me go to the hospital to a needle biopsy on a lump in my breast with three children while he went home to watch the racing then go to work.

So many MNetters leaving their children without a father in their lives over such minor issues. I also note you don't ask if you do something that OH doesn't like?

Never too late to leave! If you're fit enough to be cooking every night you're fit enough to be dating nice new men