To ask what your 'glass next to the dishwasher' moment was?

[Rosesareradish]

Or is it the straw that broke the camels back?

I was working today, so I asked DP to get something out of the freezer to defrost for dinner. He was at home with the children, I was working until 6. At lunch time I text to say I would go to Aldi after work so I'd be late home.

I got home at 7.15, I unloaded the car and he put the shopping away. I went for a wee and said goodnight to the children. I then went in to the living room to ask what was for dinner. Nothing! He didn't get anything out of the freezer, he gave the children soup for tea and he had a nice sausage roll he'd bought.

No thought whatsoever to me eating. My irked face probably gave me away and he suggested I have cereal or cook something I'd just bought from Aldi.

AAAARGH.
AIBU to be so annoyed? I would never have left him without dinner after working. Especially if he then went and did the weekly shop afterwards (which he never does anyway..!)

My ex said he couldn't afford to buy baby formula on the way home! The day before he told me he'd spent over 100 quid going to football over the weekend.

He came home and moved out that very same night! Best thing I ever did and the relief was immense!

Gosh this thread is triggering even though I left him years ago.
When I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism the first thing he said with disappointment in his voice was 'Oh, you've got something and I haven't!'

Never too late. My mum left my awful dad in her early 70s. Now has a lovely flat and a new boyfriend who treats her the way my dad always should have.

That is horrifying!

So glad you didn’t waste any time kicking him to the curb!

Simple, don't cook his tea after he's had a day at work. Just cook for you and the children.

Why are there always women who blame other women for shit male behaviour?

When my unemployed partner allowed our two toddlers to get out the house and go to the park alone (three houses along). A stranger called the police. He’d been sleeping. It wasn’t particularly early at that point and I’d woken him before I left for work to make sure he was up with the children.The police came to get me from work which was first I knew about it.

After that I lost all trust and respect for him. Especially as he wasn’t making a great effort to find work either. I’d have been more than happy to be the one at home.

We didn’t separate then, we did a few years later but that was the point I stopped trusting him and loving him the way I once had.

Or I'd make a massive pot of bolognaise (sp?) , serve him that every night, and continue making lovely dinners for myself

@neilyoungismyhero I feel the same, but deep down I know I can't continue. But leaving isn't easy due to finances.

The list should have been endless but the two things that made me realise I can't do this forever are when I realise that,

That he never says anything when I've cleaned, I do it all including the garden. When I asked why he said ' I'm not thanking you for doing something which should be done anyway ' it isn't even thanks I want, just a 'it looks nice'

I also cook all the meals (and wash up after) and he never says thank you, he always makes a negative comment, 'oh peas again' 'this is dry' 'uggh' . I hate him.

I was given a bottle of champagne in July as a present. I saved it for a special occasion.

In November, I got the promotion I'd been wanting for over 3 years. I cracked open the bottle, gave XH a glass. No "let's go out and celebrate" from XH. I suggested we did, but he'd already made spag bol 🤦

I went to sleep early, as I was exhausted from the week of interview prep and the actual interview day.

Next day was a Saturday, so I suggested we did something fun to celebrate...no, he was too tired. However, he did go out to the prearranged evening firework show with the kids. I declined as I was still tired and hacked off with his lack of sharing my excitement tbh

Off they went. I went to the fridge to enjoy the rest of my champagne in front of the sofa. It wasn't there. Messaged XH about it only to hear that he'd finished off the entire bottle the previous night... Because I'd fallen asleep, he didn't think I wanted any more so drank the rest of my bottle.

That was the moment my love for him ended. We separated a few months later.

It was his controlling behaviour that sparked the end for me (fitting a tracker to my car to make sure I was going where I said I was).

My "glass by the dishwasher" moment came when I was getting the house ready to sell.

I had run myself ragged for hours. Done everything to get the house ready for photos. All he had to do was make his bed.

10 minutes before the photographer was due, we were arguing because he still hadn't done it. He got this wounded puppy expression and said "But I don't know how to. Can't you do it for me?" He was 40 years old and we were in separate bedrooms. I thought thank god I am leaving him!!!!

This.
I had this with my ex...id cook elaborate meals for him...if i was late back from work..nothing.
I remember i had been food shopping late after work...after doing overtime... shattered..but we had nothing in..got home at 8... nothing cooked or prepped...he had ordered himself a pizza!! Himself. Didn't you think to do tea?! ..So i downed the bags...asked him to put food away...and i went to local for my tea. I didnt cook for him for 2 week.

It didn't matter we broke up few years on.
Have words OP.

Are you married to my ex?.
He did and said all those things. He was a DHead.
I ended the 25 year relationship. Financially look up benefits you may be able to get. Plan your exit

He huffed at me and made a face when I put his dinner on the table. I think something snapped because I’d asked him to move out before the end of the meal and he did, that day. We are now divorced, DD sees him EOW and I am about to cohabit with my new partner (who is not a douche!)

It was a long road involving him being unemployed for 10 years, doing no housework, spending all our money, no intimacy etc.. but it was that huff that made my temper explode (apparently he hadn’t fancied mashed potato!)

Mine was I drove 2 hours home after saying my final goodbye to my DM in hospital (she died two days later). As I walked through the door he full on yelled at me for not taking my shoes off. Two hours later I told him I would be petitioning for divorce, and I never looked back once. It had taken me 3 years to finally get to that point however.

Basically, he didn’t have my back, so what was the point? But it was a strong pattern of behaviour, not an occasional thoughtlessness.

@Loubelle70 thanks for sharing, it gives me hope.

Sadly I made some dreadful decisions when I was younger ( oh how I wish I had read MN back then) which means I'm completely stuck until the last child is independent.

I didn't leave someone for skiddies but I terminated dating him when I saw his trousers and pants all taken down as one and left on the floor so he could step into them and pull them up the next day. The shit in those pants could have fertilised Kew Gardens and I couldn't look at him without wanting to hurl.

You must be a man.

If I ever tried to tell ex I was unhappy about something, his stock answer was that if I didn't like it I could leave. After years of playing 2nd fiddle to his hobby I decide that it was time I needed to say something.
Laying in bed one night, I took a deep breath and said I think we need to talk, I am not sure our marriage is working very well at the moment.
His response was that he was very happy, switched off the light and turned over to go to sleep. 💡

Long time ago, man I thought was the love of my life. We had been together for years. He was submitting his thesis for a phd . I did all the proof reading, corrected his abysmal spelling ( this was before pcs and spellcheck) , got it ready for the typist etc.

In his acknowledgment page he thanked his tutors, his parents, the typist , possibly the family dog. But no mention of me.

That was it. It took a few months but when he graduated and got his big fancy job , he went on his own. To be fair , he did, by then, understand his mistake, but I was done.

I think the clue is in the phrase the straw that broke the camel’s back. It isn’t just a minor thing it is the last straw.

Since some people don’t recognise the “glass by dishwasher” reference this might help. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

It is the continual lack of respect, thought and kindness that can end marriages. The glass by the dishwasher is just what brought everything to a head.

Men leave all the time... over nothing..and leave the woman to raise the kids. Single parent women are judged... single parent men are not

I married young, in haste - to repent at leisure, I suppose. We had no children, although he was begging to start a family. He wanted to be a SAHD. He had a whole plan which involved me dropping him and the kids at his mum’s every morning on my way to work. Because he couldn’t drive.

He said the best thing about this arrangement would be that it didn’t need any tweaking and his mum could look after them on her own… whenever he went away “on tour with his band”. Which he did, every 6-8 weeks.

One day he came to me and asked if I would give him £2,000 out of my savings to buy a new PA system. He was going to become a wedding DJ. But he was going to need me to drive him around the country to the weddings, please.

I said no and we got divorced the same year. He’s still writing songs about it now, and playing them on his pathetic “tours”.

My mouth fell open when I read this. I hope all went well with the biopsy.