To ask what your 'glass next to the dishwasher' moment was?

[Rosesareradish]

Or is it the straw that broke the camels back?

I was working today, so I asked DP to get something out of the freezer to defrost for dinner. He was at home with the children, I was working until 6. At lunch time I text to say I would go to Aldi after work so I'd be late home.

I got home at 7.15, I unloaded the car and he put the shopping away. I went for a wee and said goodnight to the children. I then went in to the living room to ask what was for dinner. Nothing! He didn't get anything out of the freezer, he gave the children soup for tea and he had a nice sausage roll he'd bought.

No thought whatsoever to me eating. My irked face probably gave me away and he suggested I have cereal or cook something I'd just bought from Aldi.

AAAARGH.
AIBU to be so annoyed? I would never have left him without dinner after working. Especially if he then went and did the weekly shop afterwards (which he never does anyway..!)

I hope you’re able to save quickly! I cooked last night for extended family and my DP cleaned up the lot so I came down to tidy kitchen this morning. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not perfect, but he does his best!

Thank you @Clarebelle878 it was.

I hope people can tell I'm talking about two husbands in my post. I picked a good one second time around.

Someone made us my favourite cakes, with cream for me, without for him because he hates cream. I came home from work the next day to find mine gone. When I asked, because you hate cream, he just shrugged and said he'd scraped the cream into the bin because he'd already eaten his.

He was an abusive, gaslighting, mummy's boy cheat, left me to do everything for SDs and add, but that moment was the glass.

this was 16 years ago now but my sons father refused to help me bring the shopping in cos he was watching Top Gear whilst in his pants with a can of beer in his hand (gross)

I eventually persuaded him to at least help me put the food shopping away. My son was around 18 months old then and I used to sometimes buy frozen toddler meals for him to take to the childminder

as he was unpacking the food I noticed he was putting the baby’s frozen food into the cupboard rather than the freezer. At first I thought he hadn’t realised it was frozen so I said ‘oh that’s frozen so needs to go into the freezer’. He replied ‘well there’s no f’ing space in the freezer is there!’

the man was so lazy that he’d rather waste food meant for his own baby rather than sort some space out in the freezer…

I didn’t say a word but I walked out the house there and then and went straight to see my friend. I called him from there to tell him to pack his bags and leave.

he did… and we never saw him again.

That is so nasty :( awful man

Is that really what you’re taking from this thread? It’s the FINAL STRAW moments OP was looking for. These families aren’t being broken up for isolated incidents.

“I’m not thanking you for something which should be done anyway”

WTAF??!!!! That is one of the worst things I think I’ve read on MN, of a man denigrating his wife. I’d have kicked my DP into next week if he’d said that to me.

Looking back, it should have been when he asked me at 5 days postpartum, at a quarter to midnight, what was for tea.

In the end, it was when he RAGED at me to move my car off the drive so he could park his there instead (I'd got the kids, shopping and school stuff out of the car at 4pm and just forgotten to switch - conditioned much?) - that was the final straw

My ex dripped vileness on a daily basis that really kicked in when I was pregnant and then my DS was a baby. But the thing that pushed me over the edge was I looked at him one day and he was looking at me with contempt.

Because he kept me desperately short of money I wanted to pick up my career again.
I'd got an interview and he said he'd have the baby for an hour. An hour before the interview he refused. That was it. I left that night.

Six months later he tried coming back because things weren't working out for him. When I mentioned the contempt he just looked bewildered. And then as I looked back, there it was again.

DS was 17 months old. We'd just got a flat together, top floor, no lift. Told him I was going out to buy dinner while he was at work. Bumped DS and buggy down 4 flights of stairs and back up again. Cooked a lovely roast chicken dinner.
He came home, I told him his dinner was in the over keeping warm, he said oh I ate at work!
That and wanting to see my Mum on mother's day. He was ill (he had a chest infection) and told me I was out of order for leaving him on his own!

I have a lovely husband now!

One that sticks in my mind was with a DP from my early 20s.

I'd wracked my brain of what to get him for Christmas one year (he had this weird thing of, when asked what he wanted as a gift, would say "just get me something you think I'd like - putting ALL the decision making back on the giver).
In the end I decided to (amongst other things), get him a gift voucher for a new steak restaurant that had opened in the next down over (about a 20 minute drive away). I knew he liked steak-focused restaurants, indeed, our first date had been at one.
On Christmas morning, he opened the envelope with the voucher in, read it, sneered, and handed it back to me saying, "Yeah, I don't want to do that."

As one, everybody else in the room, including my parents and sister, slowly turned to stare at us. I silently took the voucher back from him and pretended not to be bothered.

He was dumped before the new year, and I took a friend to the steak restaurant instead.

He went out with work colleagues until the early hours. He had started a new job and this was becoming a several times a week event. He was drunk when he got back and dropped his clothes in a pile by the bedroom door. I woke up a bit later because I could hear water running. He was peeing on his pile of clothes. He was so drunk he thought he was in the bathroom. He put his clothes in the washing machine the next morning. When I got them out to hang up his wedding ring was in the machine. It had fallen out of his trouser pocket. Discovered, some months later, that he was going to nightclubs and trying to pick up women. He put the ring in his pocket so as to not cramp his style. We had a 17 month old and a newborn at the time.

The school sent home a risk assessment they’d done on our 6 year old - we were trying to get her more support as she was struggling in mainstream - the document reduced me to tears as it talked about the risks of keeping her and others safe and low/medium/high risk , they’d written she was high risk of causing her or others a serious or lethal injury.
when he came in from work I asked him to read it so we could talk I remember saying I’m heartbroken by it.
Three days later he hadn’t read it - it was three sides of a4 would have taken him 10 minutes.

Fam, you for real? 👀

Deleted as hadn't read properly

Awesome!

I think we can be fairly certain that Boomer 1964 who you replied to is a man. He is probably single now ( and for a long time)and we have touched a nerve by detailing all the shitty things that men think are okay. His exwife probably had a ' last straw monent' many years ago.

@neilyoungismyhero never too late. My mum divorced my dad at around 72 ish, got herself a little flat. Mum survived the split really well.
You deserve so much more, there is still time for a new, happier life for you. And if you need advice there is always someone on Mumsnet to advise!

I always seemed to be hysterical with rage when I was married because of the pure selfishness of the man and the constant sex pestering. I've been single for 7 years and never once during that time lost my temper or felt distraught. Its peaceful and wonderful every day. I really can't see myself living with another man.

That's what you are focusing on? It's not always possible for families to eat together if one parent in home late and there are small children who can't wait until later to eat. If i were you I'd worry less about others mealtimes and more about how you can stop being so snotty and judgemental.

I can understand the not being excited for you part of this. But him finishing off an open bottle of champagne and sticking to prearranged plans with your kids don't seem like deal breakers. Why didn't you go along with them to the fireworks and make plans to celebrate on a different weekend? There must be more to this.

I had worked for years towards a professional qualification, started before I even met him, was disrupted by marriage and a baby but got there in the end. My work took us both out to celebrate, whole team there with the boss and the boss's boss. Ex could not stand that I was centre of so much attention.
On the way home in taxi told me I laughed too loud when I drank too much and he was embarrassed to be seen with me.
Which then made me super anxious about going into work the next day in case I had made a fool of myself.
But no, just his little ego not being able to handle my success.
Took me a while to get away but after that I knew I did not want to be with this man for the rest of my life.

We had a huge load of top soil delivered as we had a new build and the garden was just rubble. We only had one spade so he decided that he couldn't help and went out on his motorbike( to see his 17 year old girlfriend as it turned out). The family next door saw me trying to shift it, whilst supervising 2 tiny children , and came with their spades and helped me. After he left us for the 17 year old they were incredibly kind. He was such a bad choice of husband.

A huge build up of little things.

The dinner thing happened a lot - I worked a long commute away, he worked from home, I'd get home to no dinner. Even if I texted and said please put a spud in the oven.
During one job when I worked away he was supposed to take me and pick me up from the station, fifteen minutes drive, Monday and Friday. Really not a big deal but saved me fifty pounds a week in parking fees. On the Monday no matter how many times I asked him to get up he always made me leave late and be really stressed getting the train, and on the Friday he was never there on time despite the fact I always got the same train. One time it was pouring with rain so I just got a cab, then he had a go at me because he had been on his way (I had tried to call him). I always said to him if he couldn't make it just let me know, because the cab was c£15 so still saved me money.
Screwing up KitKat wrappers, when they were paper, and dropping them in the bottom of his coffee mug when it still had a small drop in it so the paper absorbed the coffee, then it all dried out and the paper would be stuck to the bottom of the mug.
Thanking his ds for unloading the dishwasher which was his job but he literally NEVER did but even when told it was me who had done it not speaking to dss about the fact he never did his ONE job of the day.

But the straw was breakfast in bed. He used to bring me breakfast in bed on a Saturday. I asked him so many times to stop doing it, it drove me mad.
Firstly - he'd bring it about 8am. I was out of the house 14+ hours a day in that job, getting up at 5am, home about 8pm. By Saturday I really needed a rest and I'm not a morning person.
He'd bring me normal tea. Cold. Very milky. I drink green tea in the morning. I can't stand tea milky and I especially don't like milk in my tea in the morning.
I don't like eating in bed.
He'd often bring me something like peanut butter on toast. Usually cold because he would faff around. I don't like peanut butter. Having that stuck under my nose when I was asleep was horrible. Also, I might have been looking forward to, say, a nice bowl of porridge, but he never asked me what I wanted.

And he only did it to wake me up because he wanted sex anyway.
If I complained about any of it he would sulk and say he was trying to do a nice thing.

It all boiled down to a total lack of respect.

(I have a million other examples, they all seem trivial).

So @Rosesareradish what are your next steps now with this crap relationship? Are you planning on leaving?