His best friend pointing out my nipples on a photo

[northernmamax]

Went out tonight with my fiancé, I've been close with his best friend since I met him.

I posted a picture of myself on Facebook tonight and you could see my nipple through my top. The top wasn't see through it was just the marking of the nipple on the top I was wearing.

The caption of my post was "dissertation has been submitted, celebrating with a few drinks"

I'm a student and have just submitted my dissertation.

His "best friend" comments "nipples" and then "I mean well done"

He'd also messaged my partner a screenshot of the photo I'd posted and said "your missus looks well"

I said to my partner I'm not comfortable with this and would be absolutely fuming if he'd done this to another woman as this guy actually has a wife who I'm really good friends with.

I'm really upset with my partner for not being bothered about this.. I feel objectified. I should be able to post a photo with my nipples slightly showing through my top without all of this nonsense

Am I being dramatic?!?

He’s an immature creepy twat and I would seriously think twice about committing yourself to someone who keeps this kind of company. Seriously you can tell a lot about a man from his mates.

Yes, he can’t be trusted with your photos.

Also just be glad he’s so thick he did this so openly. Now you know who he is and more importantly, you know who your fiancé is. When people show you who they are, believe them.

I don’t know what kind of men you go for, but decent men don’t do this stuff.

How do you feel about all the threads on here where women comment on men's bulges?

Are they not decent people? Or is it different if it's women being talked about?

Yup. Very likely.

No other 'people' commented. How many people liked your post OP? And managed to refrain from nipple comments.

even your interpretation that he’s thinking sexy nipples and sending the pic to her partner I would find weird, and I would expect my partner to find it weird that his mate was sending him a pic of my ‘sexy nipples’, what I would find most weird is my partner not thinking anything of being sent a picture of my ‘sexy nipples’ by his mate. It’s bizarre and gross!!!

His friend is a creep and your boyfriend isn't far behind him, you can do better

OP, fuck your fiance for trying to shame you into feeling your reaction is the problem here. I'd tell him straight that his reaction was making me rethink how I felt about him. He's the one who should be feeling wrongfooted here, not you. Don't let him do that to you.

@Tatonka thank you. I agree it's all been blown out of proportion and it's so hard to explain how you actually feel on these forums without people taking it the wrong way.

Thanks everyone for the hand hold and advice! I'll keep you all updated where I go from here as DP currently in a sulk over it saying I ruined a good night. Cba with all of it anymore tbh

Do women send pictures of their friends fiancés to them ogling their nipples/crotch/whatever? Unless OP had gold leaf and tassels it’s a weird thing to do and he REALLY wanted to say it because he sent a separate pic to the fiancé. I would imagine the text was to alert fiancé to her flaunting herself on FB.

Again ask him how he’d feel if it was his mum being subjected to this shit.

At least you know what your fiancé thinks now before he's a husband. I wouldn't be happy about this. They're both being immature at best and creepy at worst. Unattractive.

What an arse….I’d be tempted to call him out on his comment by replying asking him why his thinks his lewd & inappropriate comment is ok and more-so why on earth he feels it ok to screen shot your photo and send it to your BF with another inappropriate comment?
This way everyone will know he’s a complete idiot. Your has behaved very badly accepting this as ok.
Men really need to call other men out on this sort of misogynistic behaviour.

The only issue you realistically need to think about now is your DP as he’s the person you need to live with. He’s shown you his values. He’s shown you that your discomfort about something creepy and sexist is irrelevant to him.
I know it’s a Mumsnet cliche, but I’d LTB.

As this man is your fiance's best friend, is there a very real chance he'll also be his best man at your wedding? I think you can imagine the type of speech he might give.

I agree with PPs and that the comment was designed to belittle you in light of you submitting your dissertation.

You didn’t ruin the evening, his friend did. I really don’t like the sound of your fiancé. You can do better.

I’d be pissed off. You’re celebrating an intellectual achievement and he chose this moment to publicly reduce you to a sexual object? I’d go off.

Same with Rachel on Friends. There was also an episode with Samantha on Sex and the City.

Times have moved on! How is bringing up shows from 20-30 years ago relevant to what OP experienced last night?? Both TV series also had racist and homophobic scenes in them which were deemed ‘acceptable’. That won’t wash now.

Exactly this.

I’ve been here 15 years and I’ve never seen a thread about a man’s bulge?! Maybe I’m hanging out the wrong sections.

Anyway, I think what he said was gross OP and I’d block the fucker immediately on FB.

Gosh, some of the comments on here! Are people thinking the OP’s nipples were actually exposed or something, rather than them being merely outlined under clothes?

The friend sounds like a dick, OP, and I’d be disappointed that your fiancé didn’t understand why you were creeped out. Call the friend out, nobody likes being told they’re a creepy perv, especially when they’re a creepy perv.

You ruined a good night…..? You’re telling yourself it was an overreaction.?
might be worth keeping an eye on that tbh OP it’s really not ok

@northernmamax you didn’t ruin a good night, your dp’s pervy friend did.
I would put a cutting remark underneath his fb comment.

As for your dp tell him you’ll be sending any unflattering photos of him to your girlfriends in future.

I think it’s unfair that you’re blaming your DP for this.

The person to blame is the creep that commented.

I assume you’ve spoken directly to him?

I agree. Also a woman commenting on a man’s body isn’t the same thing at all....women aren’t predatory generally. There is a huge difference in power. Men don’t have to watch where they go, how they dress, always make sure they stay together etc. I do not know a single woman who hasn’t been subject to some sort of sexual harassment or behaviour, whichever part of the spectrum. It’s scary and not ok.

I haven't so much blamed him for it, was just more gobsmacked and upset by the fact he didn't seem to care about it. He's my partner and I'm the mother of his kids. I'd be pissed off if one of my friends had done that to him. We've not had a big row over it, I was just deflated after and went home and that's when he said I'd ruined the night.

It's not his fault, but his reaction is entirely his responsibility