His best friend pointing out my nipples on a photo

[northernmamax]

Went out tonight with my fiancé, I've been close with his best friend since I met him.

I posted a picture of myself on Facebook tonight and you could see my nipple through my top. The top wasn't see through it was just the marking of the nipple on the top I was wearing.

The caption of my post was "dissertation has been submitted, celebrating with a few drinks"

I'm a student and have just submitted my dissertation.

His "best friend" comments "nipples" and then "I mean well done"

He'd also messaged my partner a screenshot of the photo I'd posted and said "your missus looks well"

I said to my partner I'm not comfortable with this and would be absolutely fuming if he'd done this to another woman as this guy actually has a wife who I'm really good friends with.

I'm really upset with my partner for not being bothered about this.. I feel objectified. I should be able to post a photo with my nipples slightly showing through my top without all of this nonsense

Am I being dramatic?!?

@cerisepanther73 can't stand people who feel the need to just say "grow up" when someone's opinion is different to theirs, how boring.

If I seen a photo or posted a photo with a nipple on view, I'd nose at the comments and guarantee I'd quickly find the comment of someone asking am I cold. I wouldn't make these comments because I'm not a dickhead, however I wouldn't be in the least bit surprised over receiving the comment as so many people are childish and didn't quite grow up. That doesn't mean I need to grow up, so chill.

I don’t blame you for feeling weird about this @northernmamax it IS weird and you’re not overreacting

it would absolutely make me think a lot differently about my oh.

ive tried to see how I’d feel if in the same situation and I just can’t, no man I know, no man my oh knows would ever think that kind of comment is at all acceptable, and my oh wouldn’t accept that kind of behaviour towards me.

we don’t have kids together either, we’re older. There’s no excuse for this mate’s comment and no excuse for your dp backing him

I don’t like the ‘nudge, nudge, wink, wink’ mentality some people have so I would feel just like you do OP. It would put me off the friend and I would feel let down by the partner.

When did being able to see nipples through clothing become such a problem? It happens, it's no big deal, it's a stupid thing for women to have to worry about.

I'm one of the most prudish people you could meet but this shaming women because of their perfectly normal appearance? Fuck that.

Agree with posters who say he is trying to put you down and take the shine off your achievement.

Misogynistic as fuck.

Everyone has nipples; not everyone has a degree. You are celebrating your achievement in the latter. He is only interested in the former. That tells you all you need to know. Ignore or block and distance yourself til you find some more interesting and intelligent company.

Yeah one thing is noticing, another thing is commenting on a photo that was meant to be about her accomplishment.

Never thought of it like that now I'm even more annoyed 🤣

But it's not nothing is it?

Your partners friend has done something that's upset you. Your fiancé is supposed to be on your side.

The creepy sharing of the photo is just that -creepy. What else have they shared?

Tell your fiancé that it's not you trying to make an argument, it's you telling feel uncomfortable, intimidated and worried about the sharing of pictures of you. Also that this has detracted from a once in a lifetime important event for you. It's not about how he feels, but about how you feel. He needs to get that into his head and support you. Minimising your feelings and emotions is not a good foundation for a well-functioning long-term relationship.

It's not about the nipples, it's about your partners reaction to your hurt and disgust that worries me.

Talk to him, calmly and explain. See how it goes.

I would have deleted his comment and blocked him right away. You seem to be re-directing your frustration to your dh instead his mate. If you have something to tell his friend, tell him.

Tbh the comment I could have brushed off as a "sigh...really?" Kind of moment but the fact he'd doubled down and messaged a screenshot of the pic to my partner was the most bizarre part of it all and then DP falling out with me over it saying I'm making something out of nothing.

Oh well 🙄

lemme, I mean that it occasionally happens that people will defend unsavoury behaviours on grounds of class by suggesting it is part of 'the real world': casual racism, toxic masculinity, or, as in this case, misogyny. It's usually done by suggesting that the person taking offense is a prude, stuck up, 'woke', 'PC' or otherwise disconnected from the real, salt-of-the-earth experiences of people in 'the real world', this often being linked to working class culture. It's a way of shutting people up, basically, by minimising their concerns and questioning their relevance ("What would you know about it, drinking Earl Grey and dicking around on MN after your 8am spin class?"). It irritates me as a working class woman, and it is lazy, lacking any meaningful class analysis.

Ask your partner how he’d feel if the guy had don the same about his mum.

Well, differing opinions on this, but comments on here ‘to grow up’ are a bit silly. Nipples showing doesn’t just happen and if you want to show nipples good for you. However you can’t expect people not to comment

The fact that he screenshotted and sent to DP with that comment which seems to have been intended to take the piss out of you to your own partner really compounds it, and the fact your partner sees nothing wrong in that? He should be fuming?!

The friend sounds like a dick and sending a picture to your DH was weird. But ... isn't this an outcome of social media and being "friends" with people who aren't actually your friends - the occasional stupid or offensive comment is quite standard, I haven't used Facebook for years, but I think there was even a setting where you could vet any comments before they were published. It happens, defriend, move on. I'd probably be more concerned with the private messages between your DH and his mate, and that this is normal communication between them or that he's friends with a dickhead like this in the first place.

Yeah, I agree with you

Yeah this is the part that's made me feel most unsettled I think

I think this shows how things can be misinterpreted. I took it to mean he's thinking sexy nipples sending the pi to the DH but you're taking it as him making fun of her. So this is why the whole social media thing is stupid. Not to mention given his wife is her friend, he probably just has an extremely immature sense of humour

‘However you can’t expect people not to comment’

Oh but she can. And should.

Plenty of others managed not to comment.

I don’t know what kind of men you go for, but decent men don’t do this stuff.

People commenting. Not men. People will comment.

I think just have a good chat to your fiance, I think it's all been blown out of proportion (on here). I'm sure you'll sort it out. And well done on your achievement!

He's pathetic and disgusting like many men. So is your boyfriend.

I don't understand why you would post a photo that revealed your nipple but I often think I'm a prude when I read comments on MNEt and see the photos people put on social media- I'd never share a photo with anyone that revealed a more intimate/personal part of my body. I'd have cropped the photo or taken another photo that didn't reveal anything of my nipple and shared that.

We blur lines and send mixed messages with this obsession with sharing ourselves and our lives with selfies- do you have a line you wouldn't cross with what you reveal in a photo you share? A nipple outline? A partial nipple exposed? A full nipple exposed? Cleavage? Lots of cleavage? Breasts exposed? Thighs? Top of thighs? ......where does it stop? Why would you want anyone else to see any of it?

Just a photo of you- head and neck- with a smile would have been enough- and too much for me. I'm sick of selfies.

I concur with all your points

He sounds utterly pathetic