To block him after this? (Text exchange)

[Moonlightandroses44]

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

I don't think you overreacted - like you said, you did all the leg work and he did fuck all.

Be mad & sad for a bit then move on. Block & delete his number so you're not tempted to get into further discussion about it x

I feel that more context is needed in this scenario. How has he been the rest of the time you have been dating? Has he regularly taken you on actual dates or have you met mostly in his hotel rooms? Are you exclusive?

Yes I feel the context of the other red flags is needed. I'm not sure I'd expect to be met at the station unless I was meeting someone on their home town..and the comment about meeting in bed could be seen as just a joke unless he is generally treating you like a convenient shag.

Ultimately though you can delete and block someone for whatever reason you want. It's your life and you get to decide what's acceptable to you.

A few months into dating I personally do not think that’s a bad comment and would say it is a huge overreaction from you.

But everyone is different and knows their own comfort levels so you did the right thing for you.

It’s hard to say without knowing the whole story but, on the surface of it, it seems like you have overreacted and I wouldn’t really attempt to respond to it either. These conversations are difficult to have over the text and of someone I was dating wrote something like you have, I would assume that they are not in a great place to talk right now. And if it was someone I wasn’t dating for long, I am not even sure I would want to unravel all of this with a near-stranger.
Going forward, I would probably be clearer with your communications. If you wanted him to meet you at the station, you should have said it from the beginning. It very much sounds like you had a shit day and got disappointed that he didn’t do something that you never asked him to do. And that he had an audacity to have a possibly easier day and get on with his gym schedule. In reality, he had no idea about your difficulties and certainly couldn’t have read your mind or predicted how you would react to his fairly innocent flirty comment.
I once dated someone who similarly blew up over a simple text, I never felt comfortable contacting him until he calmed down. The reaction was so disproportionate and loaded with underlying assumptions of me as a person that it was easier to let him calm down by himself than try to placate him while he was enraged (largely because of his own issues).
I mean all of this kindly and I am trying to be completely honest with you.

I wouldn’t have been bothered about the ‘in bed’ part in the context of a new, fun relationship.

However, you always have to meet him and he lives a long way away. Are you sure he’s not in a relationship and you’re his side bit?

Massive over reaction, he was just joking.
If I was him I would go cold as you sound very needy and a bit of a drama lama.

Seems like a massive over reaction. The in bed comment with the emoji was surely in jest, your in a new relationship the honeymoon phase etc etc I don’t think it was sleazy of him to say that. He then said he would meet you in reception.

Where do you normally meet?

As a grown up surely you can manage train / case and finding the hotel? Bit dramatic imo.

No not exclusive. But obviously sleeping together, I had assumed we were exclusive and didn’t feel insecure about it but this just made me feel like I was a convenient shag for him. Just a simple, are you ok getting here? Would have been fine.

I said I could have been overreacting, but I think even then the total silence afterwards was unnecessary.

we have been on dates but as I say, I do all the travelling to facilitate.

It is a pretty strong reaction from you OP. From your text back though, it looks like some resentment on the travelling might have been bubbling for a while and a combination of this, tiredness and pissed off ness at no taxis brought it all to a head.

His initial reply to where are we meeting was perhaps a little bit flippant but early on in dating/hotel room date, I wouldn't have found it offensive. And he did follow up.

But 100% if this was a deal breaker for you, you did the right thing.

I wouldn’t have been bothered about the ‘in bed’ part in the context of a new, fun relationship.

This. I'd find it flirty and fun. But we are all different.

I'm with you.
It's also a sign of things to come. I want a relationship where someone is happy to go a little out of their way to make me feel special/ wanted/ make my life easier, and I'd do the same for them.
If he can't even meet you at the train station (or even offer to, hoping you'll say no) that's a red flag from me.

Honestly I think you massively overreacted. I can't see that he did anything wrong. Sorry op.

Seems like you've made lots of assumptions about the relationship which you don't communicate - that he's supposed to meet you places, that you're exclusive etc - and then blow your lid when they're not met. You need to work on your communication and understand what your boundaries are so that other people know where they stand

This. Massive overreaction from you. Poor chap!

Are you usually so easily offended OP?

Overreaction. YABU.

What we're the previous reg flags, op? This alone doesn't seem too bad, but if he's got form for being a bit too laid back (for your liking) in the relationship maybe this was the last straw?

Probably some underlying resentment but I would have been ok if this had gone differently. As I said, I wouldn’t mind if it was appreciated. It was also the fact that he hadn’t text all day to let me know any kind of plans for meeting and then this was what I got.

I just felt like I’d travelled for hours, and was then expected to lug a heavy case in the pouring rain up a hill to his hotel room where he was waiting in the warm, for on tap sex.

any other time flirty banter is fine, and I didn’t respond because I couldn’t work out if I WBU. But then he didn’t go on to just simply ask, are you ok getting here? Like am I really asking for the world here?

Seems like an overreaction on your part to me based solely on this text conversation. It was meant to be a flirty reply.

I would have found it funny and think a bit of an overreaction but I think the issue is that you're just pissed off travelling to him and so reacting that he should at least walk 10 mins to you. If you're just casual and nut exclusive I wouldn't be arsed chasing him around either unless I was super into it. Just block and move on

Sounds like you've had a moment of clarity there, OP

You have done the right thing. Just before lockdown, I was seeing a guy for a couple months, all was well - or so I thought... like you, I started 'falling for him'. He said things like "this could be our first box set" when I'd say I hadn't seen The Wire or something like that and "my mum is going to love you" etc etc all those throw away things that we remember and get excited about. He spoke about how his ex has just up and left with no warning and it had really hurt him.

One weekend, he came to stay (we had been seeing each other around 7 or 8 weeks). We had a great meal, some drinks and a lovely night. He was really kind and open and generous. The next day I dropped him back at the station and we planned to meet in the week. He said he'd text me when he got back home.

He text me on the train about some other passengers and we text about the evening, just regular chat. I said to get home safe and he said he'd text when he got in.

I never heard from him again.

I text that evening and the next day. Had he been in an accident or died?! The messages were read (double blue tick or whatsapp) but he never replied. Then he blocked me.

So I sent him a really shitty message via regular text saying how disappointed I was and how disgusting his behaviour was. Especially after what he said about the ex! Probably a pack of lies.

Weirdly I looked him up on FB a couple of
Months ago and found him with someone who looks really similar to me (clearly has a type!!)

Anyway, my advice is take time to get over it but recognised you have dodged a bullet. He was always like this and luckily you have seen his true colours early on. When people show you what they are, believe them. X

Your wasting

I'm a female, but have on occasion asked other females if they need a lift/ are OK getting somewhere etc, and then had a bit of a grouchy ' do you not think I'm capable' etc. I think better communication is key here

Yabu, it was wet and rainy and you dont need him to meet you there.

In his instance, yabu.

I think you are angry at falling into the habit of doing the legwork, which isnt unreasonable. But an adult conversation or decision is what's needed, not a strop at the station. Its poor communication.