To block him after this? (Text exchange)

[Moonlightandroses44]

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

Yes and had it been said in any other context it would have been fine. It just made me feel like shit.

Yes you did massively overreact. Assume you were tired and grumpy but you agreed to travel to him. If you didn’t want to or were going to be resentful then why go? His text was fine for someone who you are in a sexual relationship with. He’s probably stunned at your reaction but must be relieved that he’s found out early on.

Were you offended by the ‘in the bed’ comment? I’d have just thought that was flirtatious and id quite like it tbh.

Seems like a silly strop on your part.

All of this.

OP, I cringed reading your text. It's a completely over-dramatic response, and his 'ok' says it all.

You're not wrong to have preferences but you need to communicate them - you didn't.

You sound like you don’t want a long distance relationship.
he didn’t do anything wrong in his messages. He is not gonna reply anything when you have just ranted at him for no reason especially if you are relatively newly dating.

I bet he’s shaking his head and thinking he’s dodged a bullet.

I get that… and as I said I have wondered if it was an overreaction. But do I really need to spell out to grown man that just offering to meet me given the colossal travel (this time, but also given I do most of it) is kind of a decent thing to do given it’s just down the road?

I mean, I would do that for a friend! In fact if it were the other way round I would do it for him.

not sit in my hotel room implying I’m waiting for sex once I’ve finished my gym session.

I dunno. Maybe I’m totally out of touch!

You haven't overacted. The simple truth of it is that he didn't want to meet you at the station.
He couldn't be bothered. That's it. That's all you need to know that he is a prick. And why would you want to shag a prick?

I'd feel the same as you. He sounds like the type of guy who when you'd text saying you'd had a shit day at work etc he would immediately reply with "I know something that would make you feel better etc etc". Some men are just like that. It's so basic. Fair enough if you're just in it for a shag but if you want a decent man then you'd expect them to meet you at the station, have dinner planned etc especially after your made the effort with the travel.

100% YANBU

What did you expect his response to your rant to be, op?

If I was in a relaxed, non committed relationship with someone and they sent me a message like that I’d be pleased I’d dodged a bullet and move on. You can’t be surprised he didn’t message further?!

You went silent for an hour before sending an angry message and going home. Definite overreaction. He hasn't replied because he realises he's had a lucky escape. A conversation would have been a better reaction.

You're wasting your time with this one Op. You're not exclusive, he doesn't see you as special or he'd make a bit of effort for you. The in bed thing wouldn't offend me but the fact you travelled for two hours and he didn't bother to text , thought a take away and a shag would do, that would bother me.
Lots more fish in the sea

I think you were reasonable

He's not putting in any effort, you are doing it all. It's not a lot to ask to meet you at the station and help you with your things. My DH would have done that when we first dated (and still does!)

He should be so keen to see you he will come and meet you as soon as possible. The fact he seems a bit meh about it isn't a good sign.

Making a long journey, immediately after work, in the dark and cold and being disappointed he didn't make the short trip to meet you isn't overreacting. You have boundaries. Well done.

To me it seems like you've had some simmering resentment and blown your top a bit but that just means this relationship wasn't right for you in the first place. If you're not feeling appreciated after a few months what would it be like after 20 years. I also feel if he did care a lot about you he would at least have said (even if he didn't fully mean it) 'Sorry I upset you'.

I get it. It depends on a lot of things here-if this was just a couple of dates in/not that serious/mainly hook ups-I don't think the reaction was warranted-if it was more serious/feelings involved/longer term plans-then I undersrand-and your reaction wasn't necessarily just to that comment. It all seems a bit irrelevant now as I am assuming its all over, but maybe you could have addressed the travel issue sooner.

He could have checked you were home OK but this probably blind sided him abit.

Idk, I feel as if you should have perhaps raised your concerns and set expectations sooner. To get your message out of the blue when he thought he had a great night ahead would have also been a bit shocking. I think you could have just said something like ‘haha very funny. Seriously are you going to come and meet me at the station or shall I go home?’ That way he’d have had a chance to at least make things right.

That's all you need to know that he is a prick. And why would you want to shag a prick?

That's just a daft extrapolation. The whole relationship was casual, and non-exclusive, in OP's words. Not my gig either.

But that's what it was.

If OP wanted a different and more committed relationship, she needed to have that conversation.

If she wanted to be met at the station, she needed to say that.

Sure he could have offered, but I wouldn't be labelling him 'a prick' on that alone.

This, exactly.

I often think MNers are a bit intolerant. (He made a silly joke? LTB!) But I’m startled by some of these responses. When struggling off a train after a long evening journey, after a full day’s work, I would at least expect him to take the trouble to meet me at the station. He’s treating you like a prostitute, providing sex with no effort by him.

Same. I'd not hand even sent "ok", I'd have just blocked and moved on.

Whole new meaning to Uber Eats...

In dating you need to clarify your expectations upfront and if the other person doesn't meet them, dump them.

I don't think your reaction is OTT. It's how you felt at the time and you communicated it and dumped him. Don't censor yourself. I think you should have previously had a discussion with him about who travels to whom and what sort of relationship you wanted. It prob came out the blue to him (he thinks your both doing s casual shag, you think it's on its way to a relationship). And you released all your resentment in one go instead of communication to him earlier on.

Any relationship that needs this sort of travel early on is never going to work. It was always going to be a bit of fun/booty call. So no loss ending it. Don't overthink your message. Women always do this. He isn't worried how his brief messages came across to you or how you feel, so why are you concerned about what he thinks.

Onwards and upwards.

The in bed thing wouldn't offend me but the fact you travelled for two hours and he didn't bother to text , thought a take away and a shag would do, that would bother me.

He texted her four times before the OP replied, and the only person that mentioned a takeaway was the OP when she compared herself to Uber Eats.

YANBU. What a horrible man! Bullet dodged. Well done OP.

It reads like the sort of annoyed rant I'd send to my partner of 9 years and father of my child if he wasn't pulling his weight at home. I'd definitely absolutely not send this to a guy I'm non exclusively dating of a few months. Yours and his expectations really don't seem to match up, OP. He hasn't done anything wrong though, certainly not based just on this exchange.

This was exactly how I felt and I’m literally wondering now I there is something wrong with me 😂