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AIBU?

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Original poster

To block him after this? (Text exchange)

1000 replies

Moonlightandroses44 · 23/02/2024 07:42

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

To block him after this? (Text exchange)
OP posts:
CacenCaws · 23/02/2024 08:26

You agreed to travel to meet him as it 'worked better that way' so I'm not sure what he's done wrong to be honest. I would say you have massively overreacted

burnoutbabe · 23/02/2024 08:27

Ofcourseshecan · 23/02/2024 08:23

I often think MNers are a bit intolerant. (He made a silly joke? LTB!) But I’m startled by some of these responses. When struggling off a train after a long evening journey, after a full day’s work, I would at least expect him to take the trouble to meet me at the station. He’s treating you like a prostitute, providing sex with no effort by him.

Well yes if it's ones ancient mum.

Not if it's a person of same age who seems perfectly competent.

I assume he had no car so he'd have to get 2 taxis to meet you? Easiest for you to just taxi to him.

Lucky escape for him i think.

upsetandangrywithhim · 23/02/2024 08:28

GinForBreakfast · 23/02/2024 08:25

YANBU. What a horrible man! Bullet dodged. Well done OP.

😂
Horrible man....... 🤔🤣

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 23/02/2024 08:29

I'm baffled by the low standards of these replies. If someone had been travelling hours to see me, I'd have the most basic manners to actually go meet them at the train station.

If a friend is driving to my house, then I'd wait at my house. If my friends were arriving by train (station approx 2 miles from my house) I'd go and collect them! It's literally the most basic courtesy.

And this is not a pal, but supposed to be your partner in the early honeymoon months?

Throw this lazy prat back.

HeadNorth · 23/02/2024 08:30

I get you OP, he should at least have offered to meet you, it is so obvious you shouldn't need to tell him. You only have to read the boards on Mumsnet to see how much shit some women are prepared to tolerate. If he is as thoughtless and unbothered now, better to throw him back before you get emotionally invested. Or you will end up on the Relationships threads going on about how you do everything for some lazy dick while pregnant with his third child Grin

sammylady37 · 23/02/2024 08:30

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 23/02/2024 08:29

I'm baffled by the low standards of these replies. If someone had been travelling hours to see me, I'd have the most basic manners to actually go meet them at the train station.

If a friend is driving to my house, then I'd wait at my house. If my friends were arriving by train (station approx 2 miles from my house) I'd go and collect them! It's literally the most basic courtesy.

And this is not a pal, but supposed to be your partner in the early honeymoon months?

Throw this lazy prat back.

Not a partner, someone she’s in a non-exclusive arrangement with

Tel12 · 23/02/2024 08:31

You are not overreacting. I'm guessing that he has a partner at home. Would he go out of his way to see you? You are traveling for hours basically to have sex with this guy and he can't even meet you? Keep looking.

blooblom · 23/02/2024 08:31

Does he normally pick you up from the train station?

Bunnie007 · 23/02/2024 08:32

Yep block him- he obviously is perfectly comfortable with letting you make all the effort. The fact he didn’t then apologise etc just proves he’s not that into you (as does not coming to meet you etc) Block and move on, it’s not you it’s him. Have you read ‘He’s just not that into you’ great book and stopped me allowing men treating me like this. Good luck

Original poster
Moonlightandroses44 · 23/02/2024 08:33

Is everyone here seriously saying that if a friend, not even someone you’re seeing, had travelled over two hours after work to see you, you wouldn’t just drop a quick text to say, are you ok getting here? Or what time do you think you’ll get here, are you ok getting a taxi? Or not meet them at the station ten minutes down the road? Let alone the sex stuff which made feel like I’d dragged myself across the country to service him and he doesn’t even need to leave the room.

I’m honestly clearly out of touch then!

OP posts:
Hoppitybobbins · 23/02/2024 08:33

I just think the reason for his lack of comms in the day was because he was working to get the day over, going to the gym and getting all the serious stuff out of the way so that he could have a great night of ‘romance’ to end a good day. He may have purposefully not texted you in the day in order to let the excitement build. That’s something that I would probably do. I don’t see any problem in his flirty text. Personally it’s not to my taste but I would just see that as an attempt at being flirty. I did cringe at your message. And to block him will make it worse. You used too many words when, if you were unhappy, it’d have been better to go back with maybe a sharper, more sarcastic response which would have got the message over but might not have totally nuked the evening.

I just think you might have chucked the baby out with the bath water. You could have got your point over AND had a great night between the sheets. By positioning yourself as the one who is put upon you have made yourself look needy. It’s not like you didn’t sign up for this type of relationship initially.

talksettings1 · 23/02/2024 08:33

Nothing wrong with what you did Op. I feel this was the straw that broke the camel's back for you. I think a nice man who valued you would have been waiting for you at the station when your train came in. Maybe that's old fashioned, but how people behave early in relationships is a good indication of how they'll be later on. This is supposed to be the exciting, hearts and roses time.

KrisAkabusi · 23/02/2024 08:34

If a friend is driving to my house, then I'd wait at my house. If my friends were arriving by train (station approx 2 miles from my house) I'd go and collect them! It's literally the most basic courtesy.

But the OP wasn't going to his house! They were meeting at a hotel!

SwingTheMonkey · 23/02/2024 08:34

Tel12 · 23/02/2024 08:31

You are not overreacting. I'm guessing that he has a partner at home. Would he go out of his way to see you? You are traveling for hours basically to have sex with this guy and he can't even meet you? Keep looking.

💯 this guy has a girlfriend already. Op is a side shag.

Sausagesinthesky · 23/02/2024 08:34

You’ve over reacted.
you could have asked him to come meet you at the train station.

CarpetSlipper · 23/02/2024 08:35

YANBU. If someone travelled 2 hours to see me, I’d be meeting them at the station whoever it was or I’d least offer to. His comment wasn’t particularly bad but it showed a lack of thought and consideration.

samestyle · 23/02/2024 08:35

Yes he is lazy and sleazy but you had doing all the effort before, collection or delivery it's still ends up the same way, was it realisation that you're fed up with doing all the travelling. Just put it behind you and don't be the one that always puts in so much effort for little results.

Singleandproud · 23/02/2024 08:35

This relationship was never going to work,it's far too much hard work with the distance and travelling and you already resent him.

If my work put me up in a fancy hotel (instead of a Travelodge) with agym I'd be making the most of it. When arranging the date you should have had a conversation about the pick up IE "my train gets in at X my case will be heavy (why is it so heavy anyway for a short stay) and I'll be tired, can you meet me there?"
And then if he ignored you and went to the gym I'd be cheesed of, but if no such conversation happened you are an adult it's not unreasonable to expect you to make your own way and jump in taxi.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 23/02/2024 08:35

Sorry - you’re not exclusive so FWB?

You've massively overreacted. Next time tell them if you want meeting at the station or something - he’s not a mind reader and not your boyfriend. You’re resenting the fact you do all the legwork - you did it tho, not him. You could have not travelled to meet him, but you did. Now you’re resenting it and thrown all your toys out of the pram. Totally weird OP. Next time - find someone local and stop doing all the legwork. Was the silence necessary on his part after? What did you expect him to say - he’s probably quite confused!

Luxell934 · 23/02/2024 08:36

Moonlightandroses44 · 23/02/2024 08:33

Is everyone here seriously saying that if a friend, not even someone you’re seeing, had travelled over two hours after work to see you, you wouldn’t just drop a quick text to say, are you ok getting here? Or what time do you think you’ll get here, are you ok getting a taxi? Or not meet them at the station ten minutes down the road? Let alone the sex stuff which made feel like I’d dragged myself across the country to service him and he doesn’t even need to leave the room.

I’m honestly clearly out of touch then!

Edited

Does he normally text to see where you are and pick you up from the station?

Jamongranary · 23/02/2024 08:36

@Moonlightandroses44 you expressed your frustration and his reply is "ok"

He couldn't be arsed to meet you at train station after all the travelling you done . Just block , when people show you who they are believe them.

That's beginning of relationship, he is not attentive and don't care about you to even apologise ... or check if you safe ..

I wouldn't bother with him X

BarbieDangerous · 23/02/2024 08:38

Moonlightandroses44 · 23/02/2024 08:33

Is everyone here seriously saying that if a friend, not even someone you’re seeing, had travelled over two hours after work to see you, you wouldn’t just drop a quick text to say, are you ok getting here? Or what time do you think you’ll get here, are you ok getting a taxi? Or not meet them at the station ten minutes down the road? Let alone the sex stuff which made feel like I’d dragged myself across the country to service him and he doesn’t even need to leave the room.

I’m honestly clearly out of touch then!

Edited

Well it depends doesn’t it.

He says he was in the gym and I presume he was also working beforehand? Surely if he knows you’re coming after work, he’ll be thinking to message you closer to the time you should be arriving? Or he was waiting for you to message to say you’re near?

I read the messages and I think you really overreacted. I don’t see why he has to meet you at the train station (especially if you said it’s down the road) or ask if you need a cab. If you need a cab then call it yourself? The problem is, is that you do all the travelling and he’s not meeting you half way. That would piss me off too but I don’t think he did anything wrong in this specific situation

GinForBreakfast · 23/02/2024 08:39

Don't give it another thought OP, I guarantee that he hasn't. He's not worth space in your head!

talksettings1 · 23/02/2024 08:40

I've had more than one FWB in my life. The key word there is 'friend'. We still treated each other well. I'd meet a platonic female friend at the station if they'd done a 2 hour journey and my hotel was only 10 minutes up the road. Rain or shine.

Woodyandbuzz1 · 23/02/2024 08:40

Moonlightandroses44 · 23/02/2024 08:25

This was exactly how I felt and I’m literally wondering now I there is something wrong with me 😂

Show quote history

I think he sees your relationship as a fwb situation that's not going any further. As a result, he's making zero effort to impress you as a potential long term partner.

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