To block him after this? (Text exchange)

[Moonlightandroses44]

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

I'd be pissed off that he chose to go to the gym rather than meet you at the station tbh. The 'in bed' thing is flirty, and I like that, but fml just send a message to ask if all is okay if it wasn't discussed before how you were getting from the station to the hotel.

Great reaction from him, too. "Ok"

It wasn’t discussed. Clearly it was just assumed I’d be conveniently arriving on his door step.

he hadn’t been working all day, he had one meeting in the morning.

I've had 'friends' with benefits situations too and in all honesty I don't find many men treat you as a friend in these situations. You're just an object they can fuck.

Yes, this! I was thinking the same, that it’s just basic courtesy. It’s not about whether the OP can carry her own case, it’s about making a small gesture that shows you care about the other person, you’re looking forward to seeing them and you’re prepared to put yourself out in a minor way to make their arrival after a long journey more pleasant.

Did you text him at all during the day?

bit bemused why you don’t just tell him during the day that could
he meet you at the station

tell him what you want or expect. Most men are not mind readers

There were 26 minutes in between him saying meeting in bed and he's at the gym, despite knowing you get in at 7pm. What an arse.

I once stayed at someone's house and the exchange went something like this:
"Where and what time should I meet you? I won't have signal later so need to plan" (I was abroad at the time)
"At my house, I finish work at 5pm"
"Okay cool, thanks, see you later "
Turns up at their house at 5:15pm as I know they work nearby. Time passes, it is now 6:30pm
"Hey! Where were you? I thought you finished at 5pm?"
"Yeah, I did. I went to the gym."
🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

And that was the last time I stayed with them.

I think you did the right thing op. He's clearly not arsed. Not even an explanation or apology.

Oh gosh, I’m going against the grain here and might be considered old fashioned but I think he was disrespectful and personally I would have expected to be met at the station. It’s all part of the caring enough to foster the relationship. It’s a part of the anticipation of being together and putting himself out a bit to welcome you after a long journey.

I’m with you OP. You have boundaries and are not an Uber delivery.
He’s selfish and self centred. Block and move on.

Why are you giving this so much headspace OP? I am sure that he isn't asking if he was being unreasonable on a forum. Just move on, he obviously isn't worth it (to you).

It's a compatibility issue. You will find someone else that suits you better.

That's your experience. I have honestly related mine. :-)

He’s not a friend though, he’s her lover. He’s probably loving the exhilaration of a spontaneous love tryst and behaving how he thinks he should behave. Turning up to the station to meet her has husband and wife vibes all over it and I reckon he probably thought that type of behaviour might kill the mood. OPs strop reeks of commitment and duty and she’s the one doing the uturn from the original, albeit undefined, plan.

Totally get it @Moonlightandroses44 - he’d had a nice easy day and assumed it would end with you arriving after a day of work, hours of travel, lugging your suitcase, ready to jump straight into sex with no effort at all from him.

Even in a casual thing effort is needed. He could have dropped some texts during the day to let you know he was excited. Arranged a taxi. Anything that made it feel like he was reciprocating the effort instead of putting his wants front and centre. He’s a lazy fucker and best left to people like the ‘poor man dodged a bullet’ crew here.

Was there any mention about him meeting you at the station?
I think it's an over reaction from you, for him to be vilified for basically saying very little is typical MN where the man is wrong is daft.
If that's how you feel, move on.

Well this really. Even if I’d totally overreacted I’d have expected some kind of follow up.

he normally meets me. In fact he’s met me at the tube which was just down the road from his house on previous occasions. It feels like he consciously made no effort this time and I can’t figure out why. It feels deliberate and mean.

I think you've overreacted and he's dodged a bullet

I can see both sides of this.

My response to meet me in bed would have been "you can buy me dinner and run me a bath first 😉". But then I would have been confirming plans before I CHOSE to travel 2 hours to meet a practical stranger for sex.

Your message to him was a bit dramatic but then I can see where you are coming from.

I would bet a fiver he is married too.

Block and don't give it a second thought, he probably hasn't.

I think your text back was a build up of resentment that it always seems to be you making the effort. The question is - what were you ever getting out of this situation? It's a lot of effort just for some occasional sex with someone you're not in a relationship with.

To me, it sounds like a sex-based connection - given the distance etc - but perhaps you were hoping for more? So when he sort of made it clear that that’s what he was prioritising over your feelings etc, you saw the situation for what it was and exited?

And for future, date guys closer to where you live! If he is two hours away for work, how far away does he actually live?

I have a low tolerance for lazy men tbh, so I'd probably have texted back 'Nice try' or 'very funny' followed with, 'my case is heavy and it's miserable out. I'm going into x pub for one drink, if you're not there to meet me by the time I finish it I'll be going home'.

Some men in a FWB / situationship just really know to draw that line. Im not saying you're invested in him etc but most males in fwb/dating/mainly sex dont feel the need for small talk and checking in, as it sort of crosses over into that boundary of more. He probably thought he was being a bit cheeky and charming by his initial response.

I also think the tone was set and he got comfortable with you doing the travelling. If it came across every other time that it didnt bother you, he wasnt to know this time was different.

Men are from venus...

What did you think was going to happen once you'd got to his hotel room? I think he was being flirty.

Yes also this. I’ve only been it that situation once (without initially realising it) and he’d never even eat with me!

What are these responses?
Where are all the replies saying 'trust your gut'?

OP, if you felt used and undervalued, you did the right thing. His reply shows you how little he cared.

Block him, move on, and don't do all the chasing and travelling in future.