Inheritance vs working hard and never getting anywhere

[Anonymouseky]

I know people will probably pounce on me for feeling like this, but I need to vent. I’ve always been very supporting and happy for other people when good things happen to them, but I am starting to feel really resentful over something.

I work really hard and have a stressful job (teacher). I tried hard at school and have always given my best in everything I have done. I always imagined that one day my hard work would pay off and I would be able to afford a decent standard of living. That is unfortunately not the case. I am a single parent and have no family nearby to help with childcare, so the wages don’t go far. Their dad does contribute, but with the cost of living… well, I’m sure many of you can see what I mean.

I’ve never been a jealous or resentful person and haven’t compared myself to others. In fact, I’ve always been quite happy plodding on. However, in the last few years, I’ve started to feel a bit resentful as all of my closest friends have been given large sums of money/ inheritance from relatives (some of them multiple handouts). I’ve had lots of back handed compliments about my ‘little house’ and outright nasty ones about how crap modern houses are (mine is modern and was all I could afford at the time). They will openly brag about their large character properties and discuss how they can work reduced hours or not at all due to inheritance and partner’s income. One of my friends hasn’t worked for years and has just been gifted another several hundred thousand pounds so can now afford to buy several other houses. Meanwhile I can’t afford to buy one outright.

I work so bloody hard and never seem to catch a break. I’ve never been given anything monetary like my friends have. One day I may inherit but my father has decided to look after his long term partner first and foremost, so I may never actually inherit. It’s not about the money in that case, as if he spent it all enjoying his inheritance I would be understanding and supportive. Rather, it’s about feeling like an after thought/ not important/ not a priority/ etc.

Anyway, I just want to vent. I feel like I’m destined to slog my guts out, never receive a helping hand like my friends have, and have my nose rubbed in it in the process. I know life is unfair (believe me I know that acutely due to other life/ health events). Just seems unfair that I work the hardest out of all my friends (and I don’t say that lightly) and yet seem to have the hardest time.

I can’t disagree with your post. It’s not fair. Teaching should be better paid, or less arduous. Inherited wealth should be taxed more at the upper end. Modern houses shouldn’t be so crap (I’ve lived in some poorly built boxes).
my advice is ditch your friends. They sound especially unpleasant. You can definitely do better.

I'm not sure inheritance = catching a break. Usually someone has died in order to receive it. You're entitled to feel jealous of other people though.

I understand what you're saying, but your experience is what most people experience. There are very few people getting handed thousands of pounds. Hard work isn't the key to a comfortable life, it never really has been. It can get you so far, but at some point, that's it.

If your friends are making nasty comments, you should probably try and distance yourself from them. It may actually be a case that they are insecure or embarrassed that their wealth has been gifted to them, so they try to undermine what you have earned for yourself. But all the same it's mean and not something real friends would do.

Incidentally, in my small friendship group we have very different financial situations. It doesn't cause hassle because we don't go on about it, and I as a lower earning person in the group don't feel judged at all.

Everyone has thier own journey in life. You were enjoying yours till your 'friends' remarked on your achievements.

Change your company.

Hard work will always be applauded and praised. It brings about the happiest of lives. Too busy to fret over nothingness, and pride in your selfmade achievements and accomplishments.

You need new friends. They sound awful.

Your friends are unpleasant.

Hundreds of thousands? Character houses? I'm jealous too now 🤣🤣🤣

Honestly hun, don't compare yourself to others it'll do no good 😊

You need new friends.

Aren't you lucky to have a house? I don't and neither do a large portion on here.

Count your own blessings, not other peoples.

It's frustrating as it's unfair. I'm a homeowner in my 20's as I was gifted the deposit by my parents. Pretty much all my peers on the property ladder have also received generous gifts or inheritance (which can also be upsetting due to early death of parents so not all roses). It sucks that some people have a leg up for something neither of you have control over. Though equally it can be due to active choices of parents to put their kids in that position, I know that was the case for mine.

I’ve had lots of back handed compliments about my ‘little house’ and outright nasty ones about how crap modern houses are (mine is modern and was all I could afford at the time)
This is unkind at worst, thoughtless at best, you know where your friends fall but they should be more tactful.

They will openly brag about their large character properties and discuss how they can work reduced hours or not at all due to inheritance and partner’s income.
Is this really bragging, or are they simply talking about exciting changes in their lives? Again, you know your friends but maybe it's time to cut ties if they are bragging, or even if they aren't and you don't wish to be party to discussions of their lives.

I have received several large inheritances and I hate the ‘I’d rather the people were still here’ argument…. That’s obviously the case but I was able to get on the property ladder at 21. Acquire equity. Always had a safety net in the bank so didn’t have to stay in jobs I hated. Managed to take some extended mat leave after my kids were born and now work in a job which pays crap but I enjoy. I wouldn’t have been able to do any of these things if I hadn’t received this money.

Everything you have, you earned by your own hands. You can be proud of that. You’ve earned it in an incredibly important, if sometimes undervalued (by some) profession. I doubt you will waste a penny of that money and appreciate it much more than if it came too easily.

I understand that it is hard not to feel envious of friends with large homes. It's the huge, beautiful gardens that get my envy. Stay away from the dickheads with large homes, is my advice. Keep the decent ones with nice gardens.

I do agree that life is unfair. And loads of people get help with deposits and education so they don’t leave uni with debt etc. some of us just have a different path. Can you try and change career if you are really unhappy? Move areas, to get cheaper/bigger house and pay less mortgage? Stop hanging around with judgey people.

Have the people who got inheritances lost someone close to them though? Any inheritance must surely come as bitter sweet so I’m sure some of them don’t feel lucky unless it’s a distant relative or something.

Oh I’m with you entirely. Worked hard all my life but also ended up a single parent and have parents who are pretty poor and are also likely to leave property to step children/new spouses.

I’ve remarried in my later years so no longer single parent but still no pension to speak of..

Inherited wealth is creating a massively unequal society. It’s very unfair!

Al of us will lose people dear to us

But only some will be handed a life changing amount of inheritance as a result

That's the unfairness

I’ll probably soon come into an inheritance that will allow me to pay off my mortgage at 41. I’d rather my parents weren’t both terminally ill in their 60s, to be honest.

I've never inherited anything everything I own is from my own hard graft. One side of my family left inheritance to only a couple aunts and uncles who happily watched their brothers and sisters struggling financially while they inherited (by devious means) a pot of money. The other side of my family had nothing to leave. I hope by my hard work I can help my DC in life by leaving them property, savings and pension pots making them the first generation to actually have an inheritance

I get it OP. I have a small flat, but as a single parent I can’t afford to move up the ladder like my friends in relationships.

also know what you mean about friends with rich relatives leaving them a fortune. It’s unfair.

i think the key is not to value yourself by what you have. You are leading a much more meaningful life teaching kids, than a friend who doesn’t work but is living off inheritance.

Oh I hear you.

We are living hand to mouth with no savings whilst others enjoy numerous holidays and drive fancy cars. It's my DC I feel sorry for mainly as I feel they miss out compared to their friends.

Having said that, I can't help ' totting up' what I might get in heritance when mine and my partners parents pass away..it could be eye watering. It's a horrible way to think, and I mainly get a bee in my bonnet about why they don't bung us a couple of grand so we can take their grandaughter on holiday, instead of sitting on it like Scrooge McDuck until they aren't here anymore.

Absolute charmer aren't I 😀

No matter who you are, there will always be those better and worse off than you.

I'm 60, single mum, still working full time, paying a mortgage. I have no family help. Ex won't get his hands dirty.

I felt like you but over the last few years I have watched several pampered, part time wives get dumped unceremoniously for a younger model, lose their perfect period properties, and find themselves in trouble as they hit their 50s. Two of them have consulted me on 'how I manage?'

My house may not be a period mansion, but it's mine. No faithless git of a man can take half and leave us struggling. My pension is mine. Ditto. My ds' home is secure.

My view now is that I'm the lucky one.

Maybe you live near me OP and we can hang out as I'm in the exact same position and realise we're not in a minority. Same job even. It's hard to smile nicely when your mortgage is going up by 50% and both BFs have had their mortgages - for significantly larger properties - paid off by wealthy parents (not through their deaths. Through trying to catch a tax break). I know comparison is the thief of joy, and I try not to, but it's tricky, isn't it!! It makes me feel baffled as to how people manage - as teachers we earn more than the average salary after we've been teaching a few years: how in the world do people manage? I do think your friends sound questionable: mine sometimes say thinks unthinkingly, but they're not ever unkind. They get that I work hard and appreciate the importance of my job, they just have and do more and often - if I get the cinema tickets, for example, don't remember to pay me back! I guess to them, it's nothing!!

This is really wise.

Plus one for find different friends. You maybe don't have to ditch the old ones, spend less time with them.

Unfortunately life is a lottery.

Probably the biggest lottery win is where in the world you are born. Probably about 1/6 of people win the lottery in that respect. about 5/6 of the worlds people live in poorer conditions and at least 1/4 live in conditions of poverty.

So yes your are unlucky compared to your friends. But probably lucky compared to a great many of the worlds other citizens.

Life in early adulthood when you have young kids is difficult for most people. It gets better as you get older for most. As a teacher you may not earn huge amounts, but you get longer holidays and a good pension plan.

You have a choice, either dwell on the negatives or look to the positives. It's difficult when you are struggling as now. But should improve in the future as you earn more and get promoted and your kids start to look after themselves.

As for your friends, it sounds to me like they are being insensitive to your position, which is not nice. Maybe time to look for new ones.

I agree life is unfair. FWIW I think actually your situation is the norm and it’s your friends who are unusual- most people don’t own their house outright mid career (many people don’t own a house at all) and hardly anyone has more than one. I don’t know whether that makes it better or worse- your situation is the same as most which is either comforting or depressing depending on how you look at it.

Your friends should t be making nasty remarks about your house, how horrible.