Inheritance vs working hard and never getting anywhere

[Anonymouseky]

I know people will probably pounce on me for feeling like this, but I need to vent. I’ve always been very supporting and happy for other people when good things happen to them, but I am starting to feel really resentful over something.

I work really hard and have a stressful job (teacher). I tried hard at school and have always given my best in everything I have done. I always imagined that one day my hard work would pay off and I would be able to afford a decent standard of living. That is unfortunately not the case. I am a single parent and have no family nearby to help with childcare, so the wages don’t go far. Their dad does contribute, but with the cost of living… well, I’m sure many of you can see what I mean.

I’ve never been a jealous or resentful person and haven’t compared myself to others. In fact, I’ve always been quite happy plodding on. However, in the last few years, I’ve started to feel a bit resentful as all of my closest friends have been given large sums of money/ inheritance from relatives (some of them multiple handouts). I’ve had lots of back handed compliments about my ‘little house’ and outright nasty ones about how crap modern houses are (mine is modern and was all I could afford at the time). They will openly brag about their large character properties and discuss how they can work reduced hours or not at all due to inheritance and partner’s income. One of my friends hasn’t worked for years and has just been gifted another several hundred thousand pounds so can now afford to buy several other houses. Meanwhile I can’t afford to buy one outright.

I work so bloody hard and never seem to catch a break. I’ve never been given anything monetary like my friends have. One day I may inherit but my father has decided to look after his long term partner first and foremost, so I may never actually inherit. It’s not about the money in that case, as if he spent it all enjoying his inheritance I would be understanding and supportive. Rather, it’s about feeling like an after thought/ not important/ not a priority/ etc.

Anyway, I just want to vent. I feel like I’m destined to slog my guts out, never receive a helping hand like my friends have, and have my nose rubbed in it in the process. I know life is unfair (believe me I know that acutely due to other life/ health events). Just seems unfair that I work the hardest out of all my friends (and I don’t say that lightly) and yet seem to have the hardest time.

I honestly don't know if you are being obtuse, goady here or just being tongue in cheek. You sound like my mother...

But you are missing the point in that the houses bought in your parents generation in the 50s/60s were significantly more accessible to most people, even on a single wage. If you think that today's generations cannot afford house because they eat out all the time and have all the best gadgets then you are seriously deluded. You can save you ass off these days on a teacher's wage and still be nowhere near getting a house in many areas.

The money left in your parent's will was not earned 'fairly and squarely' nor was it 'earned'. it was because of a two tier system and the boomers pulled up the ladder behind them

The lottery is massively taxed already. Every 2.50 EuroMillions ticket sold the government get 30p of it and only 50 percent of it goes towards prizes so why tax it more? That is absurd.

Are they really bragging or just talking about their lives?

Because many will envy you for your home, professional qualification/job, school holidays with your children and the fact that your ex is still involved with your dc.

Sometimes just talking about your life sounds like bragging to someone who has less.

The reason they are high paying is because they are difficult and require a skill set/intelligence most people wouldn't have. Most people couldn't be a surgeon, Actuary, high flying Lawyer , Specialist Medical Practitioners, CEOs...

Many people wouldn't be up to these jobs. So it's all very well to tell people to aim high in their careers and go where the money is but the truth is many people just wouldn't have it in them to pull off these jobs or last in these careers.

They have been given a leg up in life and instead of being grateful and humble and realising how lucky they are, they are showing themselves as entitled and very tactless in some cases. We don't all start with a level playing field and money smoothes the path in life. There is a fantastic cartoon illustrating the concept of privilege and how the kid from the wealthy, stable family eventually convinces himself that he there by his own efforts and hard work when it is anything but! You can see it here: This Simple Comic Perfectly Explains Privilege | DeMilked

I grew up in a very poor family with a father who abused us all very badly, would not give a penny to support us and my mum had no family. We were on our own and I certainly won't have an inheritance. I am the only one of my friends who doesn't own a house or have a husband let alone one who has a great salary. I was married and I went through losing everything in one swoop - husband, baby, house that I owned etc and I was left alone, broke, with only a handful of GCSE's and no career as I had been a trailing spouse in countries where I couldn't work. I touched rock bottom. Now I have a good degree and am studying for a Master's in a subject that I love, I have a fab flat in a wealthy part of the city that people would cut their arm off for albeit a social housing flat but it is in a beautiful period building, I have good friends and I have freedom. My friends who have the big houses and more money than me - they never seem to be content with what they have. They are never happy. They are always looking for the next big thing and acting as though they live on baked beans on toast. I guess what I am trying to say is that they have no real peace whereas I do now. Hard won for sure but I have been through the fire and come out the other side. I had the high earning husband, the domestic staff, the ex-pat life with big houses but I wasn't happy inside.

You don't need to go into the 'keeping up with the Jones' routine. You can make your own path on your own terms and as my mother says 'what you don't have from people, you don't have to thank them for!'. Also, give some of those self-absorbed 'friends' a bit of a wide berth for a while and don't allow their values to corrupt yours or your sense of self worth. You are doing an extremely valuable job. You are moulding and educating the future and that is an awesome position of power to be in. You have the power to make a lasting, sometimes lifelong impact upon someone's life. Your kindness and encouragement can ameliorate things for a kid whose background is not so good, you might be the only adult they can talk to or trust, you can inspire them and guide them, you can help them achieve - that is priceless!

The lottery is massively taxed already

The winnings aren’t.

The money left in your parent's will was not earned 'fairly and squarely' nor was it 'earned'. it was because of a two tier system and the boomers pulled up the ladder behind them

If it included a house it was through the insane increase in property prices which have benefited anyone who’s bought a house in the last 30 or so years, not just boomers.

With the lotto the person who bought the ticket already contributed enough in tax just by buying it, along with the millions of others buying the same ticket. Why on earth should the government get more?? They make an absolute killing from the lotto. That and 70p from the 2.50 goes towards good causes in the UK which in itself is 70p going to tax because theoretically tax should [pay for those things as it is.

Complete madness to see here people saying it should be taxed and they wouldn't be saying that if they won.

With the lotto the person who bought the ticket already contributed enough in tax just by buying it

30p? 🤣

you multiply 30p by the 5-7 million tickets sold for your typical draw. Who is laughing then?

I earn well over 200k, all of it is from a PAYE job. I paid more income tax last year than Starmer.

If your entire income is PAYE it is impossible to avoid any tax other than by making pension contributions. Even then if you’re a very high earner your allowance is tapered so that avenue is soon closed to you.

Getting an inheritance doesn’t always mean an easier life. I’ve had an inheritance which has paid off my mortgage, but I still have to work my arse off as I still need to pay other bills. For people to be able to pay off mortgages, and also have enough in the bank to live off til retirement, we’re talking about tens of thousands, which probably is rare. There’s a lot of us still working full time, so it’s not common for people to be able to give up work and live off their inheritance. Comparison is the thief of joy. Just live your best life OP.

Indeed! It was recently published in the Telegraph that a young person in London at present, on an average salary, would have to save 31 years to afford a deposit on a house!!

From personal experience I'd rather have the loved ones I had than an inheritance. It's not like winning the lottery.

My God, such ungrateful and entitled drivel.

Ok so you got your mortgage paid through an inheritance...so please explain to me now how that didn't benefit you or make your life easier?

If it wasn't going to make your life any easier as you proclaim then why didn't you give it to the dogs home?

Admit it, your life WAS made easier by the inheritance, don't undermine that here.

@Silverbirch7

I can't believe you are whining about paying IHT on a massive sum of money that you are being given without having to lift a finger for. You haven't lost out on anything, you are still quids in. There have been posts on this site who about being in extreme poverty, are penniless, cold and hungry. These people are working and still can't survive and here you are whinging on. Sickening.

Life is unfair. I completely understand where you’re coming from because I pursued a meaningful (= limited financial value) career too.

Given my time over again, I wouldn’t have. Young people are idealistic while making lifetime career decisions and while I’ve been able to effect change and do a lot of good, it’s been at my own expense.

It’s all just an accident of birth most of the time, it’s easy to resent it.

yea but you still got the inheritance many others don't. Don't act like it meant nothing or that it wasn't a big help to you. You still got a privilege many don't. There is a rush here for people to try and act like getting it meant nothing, easy to say when you got it.

''Remember, money doesn't bring happiness.''

And neither does working the massive and relentless hours teaching requires. Life changing money would much more likely lead to happiness than your typical under paid job these days.

Money doesn't (necessarily ) bring happiness but often it gives you more choices. It doesn't bring back the person that has died or mean you don't miss them or grieve for them but it can make life more comfortable or give you less things to worry about.
It's disingenuous to pretend it doesn't have an effect. Look at all the posts where people feel stressed and overworked with working ft when they have small children and the overwhelming response on MN is always "outsource as much as you can" ...which is usually only possible with spare cash - whether that's earned or inherited.

I inherited when my parents passed away. My dad worked 9-5 for a large engineering corporation. Was forced to take early retirement. Had lots of foreign holidays both before and after retirement. Sensible with his money, but ate out regularly. Certainly no scrimping and saving. He had a DB pension. But his wealth was entirely created by buying and selling his homes.

I agree with your sentiment. It’s hard when hard work alone isn’t enough. Actually what pisses me off more is that more worthwhile jobs pay less. And I say that as someone who is just leaving the private sector.

your friends sound awful though. Awful. Are there not nicer people
to hang out with?

when I find myself comparing my life badly, I do look at what I have to feel grateful. I have a roof over my head, I am lucky I can run in the woods. I have a car. Best of all, I am able to feel grateful for that

Meh. No point in comparing. I live in a council flat, my mum was a single parent and her income is less than mine so she can't afford to help me financially. I've accepted that I'll be working until I drop!

Get some better friends, mine certainly don't behave like yours.

The way I look at it, everything I have, I'VE worked hard for. I don't owe anyone anything 🤷‍♀️

My brother has had everything handed on a plate, I had nothing as my parents didn't want a girl - but you know what? I'm absolutely glad about it.

I just live life for ME.

Childcare is a lot of money but it's not forever plus you get school holidays with your child unlike most.

Stop comparing yourself to others - it'll make you bitter.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I can understand how it’s making you feel, but as you say, life is not fair. Much of it is a result of our choices along the way, however so much is just luck and chance.

I think you either need to find a way not to be jealous or change your social circle

Yes I agree your friends sound horrible . I would never comment on a friend’s house even if I thought it was awful.
When I got a small inheritance I didn’t tell my friends as it’s none of their business and I’m not a show off.