To ask a parent to drop out of a trip?

[RadicalRadishes]

My DD’s class goes on school trips quite frequently and it’s pretty much the same ~4 parents every time. I’m usually not available, but the one time I was it was full by the time I messaged the office to volunteer.

I just found out there is a school trip on DD’s birthday. DH checked he could rearrange his schedule to attend but now is being told all the parent slots are full.

Would it be reasonable in the class WhatsApp group to ask if one of the regular attendees would be willing to give up their spot for him?

It doesn't hurt to ask and explain why.

I agree, it isn't rude to ask and hopefully someone will be understanding.

So he's only willing to help on this particular trip because it's on your daughter's birthday? Sorry but I think it's unreasonable to ask a regular volunteer to drop out.

Not unreasonable at all to ask if a regular volunteer minds. It's not a case of the posters husband picking and choosing and most likely the usual volunteers are stay at home parents or have more flexibility with schedule to allow for trips. As someone who has very little to no flexibility to change my schedule to attend school trips when my children are school age, I hope that there are kind and considerate people who understand that not everyone can do that, and it's not a case of regular volunteers getting priority just because they can regularly volunteer. I would love to be able to volunteer regularly but I know I won't be able to, so to be able to make one, on my child's birthday, would be a big deal. So definitely ask and ignore the previous poster

Yes just gently word it

wondered if anyone wanted to swap the school trip as I have mannered to change my work schedule. No worries if it doesn’t suit, but would love to do the trip if possible. Let me know xx

It doesn’t hurt to ask. Definitely explain about the birthday in your request.

I don't think it is a good idea to have your own child in 'your' group when helping on a class trip. You need to give all the children in the group the same level of attention, and that would be hard with the birthday child.

I always had my girls in my group when doing school trips, all the parents did. The teaches would put parents and children together. I don't think as many parents would want to go if they couldn't actually be with their child

I think you would need to ask school, because they will choose the helpers. You can't just ask one to swap.
They may have a valid reason for their choices, and have others who would be higher up the reserve list than your dh.

I never had my DD in my group. I might see her for a short time at lunch and that was about it.
I did numerous school trips both with her class and with other random ones (a couple with about 30mins notice). They are enjoyable, but also stressful and exhausting. They are not a jolly for parent and child with a few extras tagged on.

The most memorable in some ways was Stonehenge in the rain with a bunch of y4s I didn't know. Herding cats was an apt description.

It's bad practice to have parents in their own child's group. They will be too bothered about their own child to look after the rest and its unfair. You don't volunteer for a trio to be with your child, it's to help the school with ratios so the whole trip can go ahead.

It would be better if this came directly from your husband..

I am really grateful to all the parent volunteers who chaperone our children kids on their trips. I am available to help on the 10th March, in case any of the regular volunteers would like to have a day off, I would be very happy to help. I have already contacted school but was too late to volunteer, if anyone would like to swap, I would be grateful!

You’re there to help with the trip not to have a jolly day out with your child!

in the vast majority of schools you will be in a different group to your child and rightly so.

It’s really bad practice to have a child’s parent with them. Especially if their parent is a regular volunteer.

Its not fair on the child for one thing.

Your DH can ask, but shouldn’t be huffy if the people who regularly give up their time want to go.

The teachers would probably prefer to keep their regulars. Keeping all the children safe and behaving whilst out and about can be a bit of a nightmare, so old-hands who are known to be reliable and know the individual children, are more useful than newbies who may need a fair bit of supervision and guidance themselves.

your DH can ask on the class WhatsApp, maybe someone may want to drop out. If nobody responds he probably shouldn’t chase for a reply though

There’s no harm in asking. I've volunteered a handful of times, and I’d happily give up my space to someone who wasn’t usually able to. But I’ve never had my dc in my group, so I don’t know how much time he’d actually get to spend with your daughter.

It doesn't hurt to ask but the school might have practical reasons for limiting help to regular volunteers. It can ensure that the DBS check remains valid.

You may need to go via the school.

They have asked for volunteers but it almost certainly wasn't first come first served; so just asking to swop might cause issues.

(Eg parent 1 goes because her child is autistic etc etc)

I can see both sides of this but if it's a school where you would be either your own child, then I think that's a nice thing for your child to have on her birthday. There's no harm in asking.

I used to regularly help out on school trips with my dd - she was always in my group. Theres no way I would have regularly gone out in the freezing cold and been up to my arse in mud, to mind other people's kids rather than my own. But I did take extremely good care of all the children in my group, what with being a responsible adult! It's not right to say that parent volunteers are only going to bother with their own children.

You need to ask the school - you can’t just swap and let them know. We now have to DBS checked to help at anything - not sure if this is the same. But really, let her go off with friends and see her at the end of the day.

Talk to the teacher and get them to pull parents names out of a hat next time who put their names forward as wanting to go and stress how ridiculous it is to always have the same people going to the exclusion of everyone else

First come first serve just doesn't cut it as an excuse

And they should bloody well know that

No way would I be asking parents via WhatsApp to drop out though

That's just a whole complicated mess even I wouldn't be getting into

Schools and teachers don’t want constantly changing helpers for things like trips. Some parent helpers turn out to be no help whatsoever. Knowing the skills of your helpers is massively valuable - especially now when schools have less staff to send along.

Regular volunteers that the school can rely on for rainy trips to a muddy field when the class is doing Romans as their topic rather than just the fun trips to nice/good places are worth their weight in gold.

It doesn’t hurt to ask but don’t be offended if no one offers .