To ask a parent to drop out of a trip?

[RadicalRadishes]

My DD’s class goes on school trips quite frequently and it’s pretty much the same ~4 parents every time. I’m usually not available, but the one time I was it was full by the time I messaged the office to volunteer.

I just found out there is a school trip on DD’s birthday. DH checked he could rearrange his schedule to attend but now is being told all the parent slots are full.

Would it be reasonable in the class WhatsApp group to ask if one of the regular attendees would be willing to give up their spot for him?

I've never seen anyone behave like that before

YABU, as others have said your DH might not even be with your own child (different schools do different things), it’s not a birthday trip and it could be much more trouble than it’s worth to have an over excited child with their own parent there (especially if she thinks she’s going to get special treatment). Plus other parents might have better reasons to go, for example kids with SEN or disabilities (some may have been specifically asked by the teacher to go). If you want to go I think you need to volunteer a bit sooner. Why not do something special with your child after school instead?

This never happens. You should have your own child if you are going.

It's unfair that it's always the same parents whose names are drawn out of a hat every time there is a school trip

It’s very poor practise to have children with their own parents.

In 20 years of working in schools I’ve only know 3/4 HT’s allow it.

plus it’s not always possible to work the groups to do that.

Just to add, on most of the occasions I volunteered I was never in a group with my DC, I saw them at lunch and on the transport. I suspect it depends on the class and the teacher, and how she thinks the kids will behave. Some kids were noticeably worse behaved when their own parents were on the trip.

Different schools have different policies- some schools won't let parents have their own child in their group.

I taught in several different primary schools and none of them allowed a parent to be in the same group as their child. The reason for this was that parents could end up focussing too much on their own child at the expense of others or be distracted by their own child and not aware of possible dangers to others/child wandering off or not.
I'm not saying that every parent would do that, just pointing out that this was the reason given for not allocating a parent to the group their child is in.

Also, what's the situation with DBS checks? We couldn't just take random parents because everyone going on trips had to be DBS checked and that meant we had a very small pool of people we could take with us so it was always the same parents who went. We certainly wouldn't have been able to accommodate someone who wanted to swap last minute because it was their child's birthday.

I mean, you could ask, and you'd need to discuss it with the school too because of the DBS check.
Would DH go if he wasn't allowed to be in the same group as his child? Does he have DBS?

Herding cats was an apt description.

As a veteran of many a school trip I can heartily agree with this.

If your husband thinks he is going to be t a nice day out to spend with his DD alone, he is in for a shock!

Depending on age he will either have:
Endless trips to the toilet

Endless tying of undone shoelaces and finding lost coats/bags/lunchboxes

Endless attempts to prevent them touching/climbing/breaking/removing something at the venue. Usually the most expensive and valuable exhibit in the whole place. Or a cat.

Endless attempts to quell the drama when Evie doesn't want to sit next to Amy on the coach but she had promised Amy she would

Endless attempts to prevent singing of inappropriate songs on the coach

Endless passing out of sick bowls when the ice cream treat comes back up as they are travel sick but didn't say so.

Have fun DH!!

You can ask but a school trip is not a jolly. I personally don’t like pairing parents with their child in a group unless they need to be there to support their child with SEND. Otherwise the rest of the group get ignored and instructions aren’t followed. You can’t expect to have the 1:1 moments from your own family trips on a school trip when there are risk assessments and other children to look after. Stressful!

My DC Primary School pulled names out of a hat sometimes but also had their core helper DMs who didn't work so went on most trips etc

This didn't bother me at all because I knew my DC were in great hands

Luckily I went on a couple of trips

But reading some of the teachers comments I could have been deliberately chosen as I never usually had the time and got on well with parents and DC so I'm grateful for whatever the reason

I'm pleased to hear that Teachers carefully select particular parents to help out or not

I was coming on to say that is often a consideration. My Dad was a teacher, and my siblings and I did a lot of trips as a helper, especially when we were students, as we were more available. He always said that we did what he asked of us, we didn't play favourites, and both my sister and I were PVG (Scottish version of DBS) cleared. Also, because we did it fairly regularly, we knew the drill. Parents tended not to have their own child in their group, unless they had additional needs, and it would be best for them. Saved kids playing up for their parents.

Our primary doesn’t allow parents to go on trips with their DC’s year group. Very sensible.

If you go on a trip with our school you’re deliberately placed in a different group to your child.

TBH I volunteer for the reception trips and my DC are past reception these days.

Oh god, yeah. We were always knackered after a day trip. I remember one year, there were a number of classes needed helpers, and I was farmed out to three other classes/teachers (it wasn't awful - went some interesting places!) Three school trips in a week, and I was BROKEN. 😩

Probably best to ask the school before broaching other parents. Nothing wrong with asking the other parents if the school give him the go-ahead, but as another veteran of trips my own DC weren't even on, it's not nearly as much fun as he might be thinking.
I mean, it's not a spell in Wormwood Scrubs, but it can be messy and noisy and stressful, especially when you don't know the children in your group, and can't therefore anticipate their behaviour.
They'd ask me because I was reliable, had a DBS, and was a known quantity, having taken on other voluntary roles within the school.

My children’s school use the same bank of parents all the time. There’s a group of Mum’s that do everything trips, reading, cake sales. I’d like to volunteer for more but get the impression it’s a bit cliquey.

Not sure this would be well seen by school who will choose who might be helpful. It really isn't just whoever puts their name forward. Some parents would be a hindrance.

@HollaHolla

three trips in a week?!?!

My god woman, there's not enough gin the world to get me through that! Respect!! ✊

I've never seen anyone behave like that before

Just because you've never seen it, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I've seen behaviour like this on several occasions. We had one parent wander off with his child to look at exhibit, leaving the other three children in the group behind. Luckily I spotted it.

This never happens. You should have your own child if you are going
This often happens. It's good practice to not have your own child in your group. You're not there for a jolly, you're there to help.

You do not need a DBS check for a school trip, unless it involves sleeping overnight in the same building as the children.

Only people who volunteer once a week, or 4 times in a month, need a DBS check. Normal safeguarding and risk assessments obviously still apply.

This is all academic until you tell us if he has a DBS certificate. He won't be going anywhere without one I'm afraid.

Does he know how stressful trips are looking after X amounts kids, the kiddies hyper with the adventure, constantly counting heads making sure no one from your group has gone missing !

You do not need a DBS check for a school trip, unless it involves sleeping overnight in the same building as the children.

This is correct but my understanding is that you’re not really supposed to do certain things on the trip (like take kids to the toilet) if you’re not DBS checked. So if a couple of parents are DBS checked then it’s better for the school to have some who are/ some who aren’t. Hence why approaching the parents without raising it with the school first might be a bad idea- as they might lose a DBS checked adult and this could affect their arrangements.

No parent gets to choose to volunteer at our school. We will ask you. We have a list if criteria that volunteers have to meet and unfortunately many parents don’t so even if they want to come they can’t.
Children are never grouped with their parents either.