To ask a parent to drop out of a trip?

[RadicalRadishes]

My DD’s class goes on school trips quite frequently and it’s pretty much the same ~4 parents every time. I’m usually not available, but the one time I was it was full by the time I messaged the office to volunteer.

I just found out there is a school trip on DD’s birthday. DH checked he could rearrange his schedule to attend but now is being told all the parent slots are full.

Would it be reasonable in the class WhatsApp group to ask if one of the regular attendees would be willing to give up their spot for him?

I’m a teacher and always put the volunteer parent with their own child. It’s one of the main points of volunteering on the class trip. All the parents I’ve ever had do a great job of looking after all those in their group. I am so grateful to the regular ones as without them trips could not take place.

Is he dbs checked? If not he maybe required to be which may be a cost to the school.

So potentially 4 parents go that aren't the best equipped to look after a group of children on a trip, just because it's not 'fair'? School need to consider the best and safest outcome for all children. A parent who is only focused on their child (many won't do this, some won't), are impatient, or too laid back won't be the best fit.

A parent I know who volunteered repeatedly said she never got a place as the slots were always given to the popular mums.

So incur their wrath on the WhatsApp group if you dare.

Oops typo in my post above.

*Many won't do this but some will.

Maybe there’s a reason why the same 4 parents go? My school only takes parents on trips who have DBS clearance. It’s also considered good practice to not put a volunteer with their own child.

I agree. It was always the same clique of friends. I can see that teachers get used to having parents that they know, but it is not fair on other children, who feel their parents care less.

They did not want to help in class, nor on local things like walks or local trips to the library/church, but just the days out. and always got picked for that.

Sometimes its a waste of time to expect someone to be ' understanding'
( Depending how ' keen ' you really are) Bribery comes to mind, and sometimes helps. Or donation to someones favourite charity.

Perfectly reasonable to ask the question, explaining why

Parent volunteers are not given their own children in their groups at our school.
And yes, you can ask the question, but don’t be put out if people won’t budge.

My DD’s school always picked the same parent helpers. I always made it known I was available and they always picked the parents that were teachers on their day off.. probably because they were experienced and knowledgable and also already DBS checked!
I would go in and actually ask school if they’d allow him to go if another parent was happy to swap before asking the parents, because school might actually prefer to use the same ones over and over. My DD used to actively moan that it was always X, Y & Z’s parents helping every time! Most parents stopped offering to help because they knew even if they first to offer the school would prioritise these 3 or 4 parents.
I actually doubt the parents will agree to swap anyway. But ask school first then the parents.

I volunteered for pretty much everything as I wasn’t working at the time. This included accompanying the children to swimming, for half the school year, winter months, traipsing across town in freezing and wet weather, supervising the girls in the changing room (what an absolute nightmare that was - not so “precious little darlings”!) And the very mundane trips, because school said nobody volunteered for these, yet lo and behold, the annual popular trip to a seaside resort suddenly had several volunteers. And yes, I was asked if I’d like to go. And I also heard remarks like yours about ‘hogging’ trips, snide and bitchy comments. I actually said to a couple of parents I overheard, “where have you been this whole school year? Literally nobody has offered to help out with swimming or this or that trip, now you’re complaining you aren’t going to the beach?” Fuck right off, oh and you’re welcome that your precious darling got to go swimming because I was the only fucking volunteer! 😂

It’s interesting reading these responses as I don’t know of any opportunities to volunteer in school other than trips. No coming into class for reading, swimming, mini trips, etc. as far as I’m aware. I’m not sure if people do that at our school.

Parents are just a random selection of society - some good and some bad.

It’s not worth the risk to take an arsehole parent on a trip. Some parents make their own child’s behaviour worse. This has a knock on effect for all the others as in ‘if she’s allowed to do…why can’t we?

It Is unfair, but trips can be really stressful for teachers so safer to go with trusted parents who are experienced with trips.

It might be worth asking. I also have a chronic illness, ended up losing my job, but I was so desperate to do something. I started in school when my daughter was in reception, going in for maybe an hour a week, listening to children reading when I felt well enough. School were very grateful and it helped me a lot, I found it very rewarding. It just grew from there really. And I most certainly wasn’t one of the ‘popular’ mums. Some of the trips nearly wiped me out though!
Also, I was dbs checked. It might be worth asking school what volunteers they might need and that you’d be interested in helping out and having a dbs check done in advance. I honestly don’t think it’s all political as some are suggesting.

Thank you — this is a very helpful response. I’ve been off work for 3 years now and, while I’d love to do something with my time, I’m always concerned that if I make a commitment I won’t be able to stick to it. It sounds like you were able to have some flexibility in this regard, which sounds wonderful.

Lol

I’m sure you weren’t one of the popular mums if you told them to fuck right off

Absolutely. School were made aware of my health issues, sometimes I had to drop out of things which they knew might be a possibility. I always felt awful about letting them down occasionally but they insisted they were just so grateful for what I could do. I wish you all the best, having a chronic illness is absolutely devastating.

That bit wasn’t in quotation marks, just in my head 😂

☺️

Well if you are “not sure” if they happen then why not ask if they happen. Maybe they do happen and you haven’t noticed, or maybe they don’t happen because no one volunteers.

Ask if they need help with reading, sewing,setting up and washing up with art projects, gardening, tidying library shelves, sorting out the pe cupboard, sharpening pencils, tidying the art cupboard, painting toy equipment in the playground ………………..

As a teacher we never put parents in group with own child. It’s not a birthday treat but an educational visit.
i suspect the four regulars have DBS clearance. You can’t decide this yourself as school makes these arrangements and going behind their back is not acceptable.

But seriously and genuinely - how can anyone ever start volunteering on that basis?! Or do you mean it’s worth it if a newbie joins and gets trained up to be a regular volunteer, but not worth doing it just for one off?!

Or maybe they picked the mums who they knew :

They could rely on to turn up on the day, on time, without bringing a younger child in a buggy

wouldn’t feed their child or other children sweets on the coach

wouldnt take their group of children to the pub garden at lunchtime so they and their friends could socialise and sit there for two hours so the children in their group didn’t have time to play on the beach.

would involve and speak to the other children in their group

wouldn’t buy their group of children icecream in the interval of the pantomime
and not understand how unfair this was to the other children.

wouldn’t ask for a cigarette break every hour

All of which happened, either to me or to colleagues. It’s bad enough being responsible for other peoples children outside school premises, it makes it even harder when you end up having to police the behaviour of adults as well .

So yes, I always chose the sucky up mums. I loved my sucky up mums. They made my life so much easier because I could trust them and didn’t have to monitor them.