To ask a parent to drop out of a trip?

[RadicalRadishes]

My DD’s class goes on school trips quite frequently and it’s pretty much the same ~4 parents every time. I’m usually not available, but the one time I was it was full by the time I messaged the office to volunteer.

I just found out there is a school trip on DD’s birthday. DH checked he could rearrange his schedule to attend but now is being told all the parent slots are full.

Would it be reasonable in the class WhatsApp group to ask if one of the regular attendees would be willing to give up their spot for him?

It’s been interesting reading all the replies because originally I was firmly in the camp of - it’s not fair that the same volunteers are always being chosen. I’ve worked full time from when my kids were babies and would have loved to go on trips. However reading all the different responses, I’m actually gaining a huge appreciation for those regular volunteers, but for whom, the trips might never have gone ahead. I did work part time for a short-while and enjoyed being able to contribute by hearing children read once a week in my daughter’s class. I now take on board that there are many ways to volunteer that can be done outside of work hours and I need to be more mindful of that now mine are in high school and I can get more involved that way. Thanks Mumsnet, I always enjoy reading all the different points of view!

I am reading this and realising that half of the parents in my kids schools must have hated me as I was a regular helper on trips ~ and I never missed the end of year good trips as I was always asked.

I guess what other parents didn’t see was me helping out with kids swimming classes for children who were not even in the same year as my kids, at a half hour notice otherwise they would not be able to attend as someone dropped out.
Or winter trips, in the pouring rain, freezing, with a bunch of kids who are not much happier.
Or being in school to do reading with children or any other thing that the school needed help with, often being asked if I could come in within the next hour.

I also remember that it was dependent on the teacher if I would have my child in the group that I was taking. Some teachers did and some did not.
TBH, I think I preferred when I did not, as I was super mindful of making sure I did not look out too much to my child and would not be as watchful on them. They were warned to behave, which they did and I actively watching other people’s children to make sure I did not lose one, they did not come to harm and were having a good time.

I am also DBS checked.

It’s not up to you to reorganize parent helpers that a teacher has arranged in advance for the trip without their permission!

Some very realistic replies on this thread,

I had forgotten the weekly walk to assist the children attend a sport at a different venue, in the rain.
School allowed 30 mins each way, for a one hour activity.

Young children takes ages to walk and you need eyes in the back of your head - how many obstacles are on the pavement ( dog poo ! black dustbins that you have to navigate 4 children around without any of them stepping off the kerb ! ) including lampposts that children do actually walk into !

Shoelaces that need retying on the walk, holds up the whole crocodile,
the ' oh jimmy won't hold my hand so I want to hold johnny's hand ' etc.
' oh miss can I hold your hand, why are you holding emily's hand I WANT to hold your hand !!!
well no, you can't hold my hand going as I have the 1st aid box in a bag in my other hand and no I don't mind not having an umbrella for my head as I know I only have 2 hands.

' we ' volunteer as if we didn't then some of these activities coudn't take place or if they did it would be a smaller group size i.e. half a class.

Then there's the pta ! some schools don't get enough people to help so it's the same half dozen that organise the school fayre etc. set it up / tidy it away / organise the raffle / sell raffle tickets / beg for donations then some parents have the cheek to comment ' oh I didn't know they were buying a wooden Wendy house, my jimmy would have preferred swings !

It's not all trips to the Zoo or the beach !

If your husband has only rearranged his busy schedule so that he can spend his day with the birthday girl, then he should just leave it now. It's an educational trip on a day that just happens to be her birthday, not a special one just for her. Chaperoning on these trips is something that really has to be taken seriously. He would be there to help the teacher keep the children safe, engaged and not being a nuisance to other people who might be using the same facility. Unless your child is one of the naughty or needy ones, he wouldn't get to spend much time with her.

Agreed !
Always the same few parents doing reading with the kids, wrap room at Christmas, mothers/Father’s Day etc… always same few helping at school fundraisers / fetes…

I would ask if I were you. I went on alllll of the school trips and didn’t actually want to go on any of them (they were horrendous) but loads of other parents were working so they just asked me every time. I’d have been delighted to give up my spot. It definitely doesn’t hurt to ask.

No harm in asking but be polite

Yes I agree with this. The usual volunteers in our class are all people who are teachers themselves or have childcare related jobs. We have a few part time teachers in our class and they are always selected. W also have Mums who work in the school or go in to listen to kids read that are often selected. I am a SAHM and I used to volunteer and never got selected, but then another parent said they were choosing people with teaching experience as they were lucky enough to have quite a few in our year.

Sucky up mums doesn't necessarily mean they're superior in any of the aspects you've mentioned tho. It just means they're sucking up to the teacher all the time. Right crowd you seem to have at yours tho, ours was nothing like that!

I read some of this thread the other day, as someone who works as support staff in a school I can tell you that generally, teachers don't wait about to get volunteers because they're trying to organise so many elements of the trip while also completing risk assessment and what not. So don't be offended that the same parents get to go on trips a lot, it'll simply be because the teacher knows that those parents are definitely available and up for it and they just want to sort out the adult to child ratios quickly. If you or your partner are wanting to do trips in future, it can't really be a last minute shuffling things around type job, because school just want to have everything organised. Teachers have more than enough to do. Maybe speak to teacher and say that you'd like to support a trip in future and if they could keep you in mind then that would be great.

I will mirror what a PP said though and say that school trips definitely aren't a jolly and quite often, teachers will place parents into different groups to their child for a number of reasons. It's bloody exhausting, constantly counting children and, as PP said, herding cats definitely springs to mind!

No harm in asking if some minds dropping out but you'll need to speak to the teachers so that they are aware for safeguarding reasons.