For grandparents always to have child when on call

[Rachealreid]

The last 5 times my partners parents have requested to have my child overnight when my partner is on call.
I don't know if they know he is on call but as its been 5 times now I feel like it's taken the mick a bit. I am still waiting for my birthday get a way which was in may last year for turning 30.

They also don't take her March to October as its caravan season.

Aibu to tell them they are not getting her when he is on call and they can pick another one of the 3 weekends to take her. I want to be able to go away for the night when she's away not stuck in the house all the time.

Just to be clear she doesn't go stay anywhere else during the year so it is good when they take her but we can't do anything so to me there's no point her being away.

Our child goes to them so they can be together it is not childcare

The word you need is No... The phrase is No Thanks... They have no right to have dd whenever they ask. .

sorry, I dont understand? Your daughter is being invited to stay at her grandparents? So you just say yes if she wants to go, and no if she doesn't. You don't get to specificy when she is invited

4 nights a year ? Childcare? You feeling alrite?

YABU and very rude and entitled. You’re lucky they have her at all! They don’t owe you anything, and certainly they don’t owe you childcare for a birthday get away!

neither my parents or in laws have ever had either of my children over night and never will, simply because they have no interest and don’t want to.

what is your problem exactly? Does she like going? Do they have a good relationship? That is what it is about, nothing else.

Surely if you are your partner want a night away, one of you can ask if they're willing to have her that night? Then they can say yes or no. Don't just want for them to offer and be annoyed that they've offered for the wrong date

Couldn't you suggest a night when your partner is not on call the next time they ask?

4 nights a year is 4 nights a year more than no nights a year, sorry, I really don't understand what your problem is. Why would they have her more than 4 nights a year? That sounds like plenty to me. How old is she? Does she enjoy going?

Unless you've had your DC totally to keep them happy and it's been part of the arrangement, your children are your responsibility and you can't assume others will offer to help - great if someone can look after them occasionally but it has to be when it's convenient to them. We didn't have anyone who'd happily have had DD, never bothered us.

To be honest it iterally makes no difference to me If they have her or not. I can't do anythings anyway.

Fs heard it all now. Grow up I just asked a question I never said I was entitled to anythings? And rude how am I being rude? I haven't said no to them yet

More whining about the in-laws.
😴

That was my plan initially but apparently according to everyone on this thread parents aren't allowed a break or to 'discatate when they have her'

I can see why you're frustrated but I would say they think they're thinking they're doing you a favour OP. For some people getting time to themselves in the house alone would be amazing so I do think you're being harsh (although I'm like you and would like to be out if DD is being minded)
I mean this gently OP, but if your DP is working do you not have friends to go out with for the evening so you're not stuck at home? Or could you perhaps just ask them to take her for a specific evening so you and DP can go away?

You don't sound like you like your kid very much....or in laws

Oh, and Yabu!

Jesus.

They clearly want to have your child because they like spending time with her. They clearly aren’t picking dates your oh is on call on purpose. If the date isn’t convenient, suggest a different one. It really isn’t that hard.

Be polite and tell them how you feel, easy as that.

Be polite and ask them if they would mind having her next weekend or whatever weekend you prefer. It’s only communication.

I would love my DC to be able to spend 4 nights a year with their grandparents at any point during the year.

Simply say those nights don't work for us, here are some other dates which do.

You're not coming across well and will get a lot of flak for that, but I understand what you mean.

If they want to have her, then it would be amazing if it was, even just once, at a time when you could do something with your partner and not when you have to hang around because he's on call.

Why are they asking, why can't your partner get in the front foot and say how much DD likes staying, can you book the next date in and HE suggests it.

No, not everyone on this thread said that at all.
But asking if your in laws could have your child on X date that you want a trip away seems obvious. And a few have suggested that.
And you are not 'stuck' because your partner is away. There are loads of things you can do on your own if having a couple child free days! Id have loved that, but didn't have in laws interested enough, nor my own parents around to offer.

Neither my parent or my husbands parents had our children for an overnight EVER. We had our first night away together since having children last month. Our children are 22, 19 and fifteen. 4 nights a year is far, far more than any other people get.

next time they ask, just say xx day doesn’t work but how about xx day. It’s not hard!

...

I think it's more that in your OP, you said

• they're "taking the mick" - they're not, on the face of it at least, they're just being loving grandparents
• they're "not getting her" - which sounds a bit like using your child as a weapon, even if you didn't mean it that way
• there's "no point in her being away" - which suggests you're not seeing it as something lovely for your DD to do with her grandparents, but something that should benefit you instead.

It's not dictating if you or your partner say, "we'd like a weekend away without dd, any chance you could have her on x or y date?"

Why would they deliberately choose the nights your partner's on call? Do they think you can't cope alone?