For grandparents always to have child when on call

[Rachealreid]

The last 5 times my partners parents have requested to have my child overnight when my partner is on call.
I don't know if they know he is on call but as its been 5 times now I feel like it's taken the mick a bit. I am still waiting for my birthday get a way which was in may last year for turning 30.

They also don't take her March to October as its caravan season.

Aibu to tell them they are not getting her when he is on call and they can pick another one of the 3 weekends to take her. I want to be able to go away for the night when she's away not stuck in the house all the time.

Just to be clear she doesn't go stay anywhere else during the year so it is good when they take her but we can't do anything so to me there's no point her being away.

I’d just say oh it doesn’t work this weekend, could you do it X or Y instead.
and if you want your night away for your 30th ask for a specific date for them to have your child.
I’m sure they’d be delighted x

I’m so confused by the OPs post and what the actual problem is here 😂
I’m pretty sure most parents would jump at the chance for a childcare evening, whether it’s at home or not. How about you get a takeaway and a bottle of wine, have a bath, play a game, watch a film, have friends over…have an early night!?
Or why not go out at 6.30pm after your partner’s on-call finishes? Even if it’s just to the local pub. You could even go and stay in a hotel if you wanted.
OR just reply to the in-laws saying “thanks for the offer of babysitting. Actually we wondered whether you could do this weekend instead as we were thinking of doing…………. Does this work for you?”
Do you think any of these could work?

‘Partner is on call this weekend, is there any chance you could have her next weekend instead please so we can do something together’

If not then I’d enjoy the night to myself or go out with friends!

OP I think people are misunderstanding your original thread, I had to read it a few times too.

Everyone - she isn’t complaining about the grandparents or her daughter staying over. She simply would prefer if they had her when her partner isn’t working. This way they too have the added advantage of date night. As it is, OP is sitting infront of TV as she would any other night. No, they aren’t babysitters, but if they can change weekend so everyone wins, that’s fair.

OP, just say “partner is working that weekend. So we can make the msot
of being lucky she is sleeping at yours, can we do it X date when he isn’t working?”

To suggest they’re timing it to coincide with him being on-call seems a bit far fetched. Will just be coincidental.

So you can go away for the night then leaving at 6pm 🤷🏽‍♀️ what’s the issue?!

Pay a babysitter, love.

Pretty similar situation for me too. I haven’t been away with my husband alone overnight for 22 years. The joys of parenthood

I think the people in the comments are out of order! You asked a reasonable questions and got slated! Just tell them no! Tell them when would be useful! There is a chance they think they’re being helpful taking the child when your partner isn’t there so you can rest! But unless you communicate you’re going to have a difficult 18+ yrs! Also ignore the people who say you’re lucky just because they have no help!

Tell them when would be useful!

@Honestmama

No. You don’t tell someone who is doing you a favour, anything. You ask them.

I would just ask, the worst they can say is no!

My mum always asked for my girls on a Wednesday night and as much as I was grateful I wanted a weekend night to go away/ for a meal etc. When I spoke to her about it she thought she was doing me a favour so I could relax before work and of course she wouldn’t mind having them any night! Maybe they just don’t know you’d prefer a different weekend xx

Surely you just say ‘mil would it be ok if dc stayed next weekend instead?’

Just say, no thanks, were occupied this weekend. But I can set aside (other weekend) if you like.

Them be prepared for them to cancel - because in-laws.

It’s so strange so many people saying their kids never stayed with grandparents, I stayed every Saturday night until I was about 15 so it would never cross my mind not to suggest my kids do for a night out

Why are you stuck in the house? You can go out and do whatever you want,l. You sound awful to be honest

The way you’ve worded this makes you sound very entitled and rude. Your response to other posters rightful comments is disgusting. You’re showing off like a toddler having a tantrum and calling people stupid when you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to work out that you’re not the brightest spark yourself. You’ve posted on an online forum asking opinions and then are name calling and being rude when you get them. If you want people to agree with you start a Facebook post or something.

The only people responsible for having your child overnight or at all are you and your partner. Of course they’re not “taking the mick” why would they be? The only person taking the mick is you, by thinking you’re able to complain about the timings that they have your child. It’s not their responsibility for them to have her for your advantage. They should have her for the benefit of them spending time with their grandchild. PS. You’re not entitled to a night out just because you turned 30 last year. Talk about precious. 🙄 Why are you expecting a birthday night away when you’ve got no childcare? You can ask them to have her but they’re well within their rights to say no. The fact they won’t have her during Caravanning season is irrelevant. Presumably they’ve already had and bought up their own child/children. They’re entitled to live their life how they please. You’re a fully fledged grownup, use your big girl words to politely ask them about having her for a night so you and your husband can have some quality time together. Then if they do, be super grateful for the fact they’re nice enough to do it because trust me plenty wouldn’t be.

You're being unreasonable to tell them when they can babysit for you. It's perfectly reasonable to ask them to babysit for you at a mutually convenient time.

Some people are rather harsh.
I don’t think having a night away from your children makes you a bad parent. My parents and in-laws have our children over night.
The thing is, say we are going to a concert, I would ask if they are available and then book it. They aren’t psychic. Pick a weekend, look at what you want to do, ask them. Worst case scenario is that they say no.

So in-laws cancel just because they are in-laws ? That’s a rather baseless and judgemental opinion with no factual evidence.

Wow. They are offering to help in a time of need..not so you can swan off. Sorry. But i am a Mum and due my anniversary holiday and I am taking my unborn child plus my toddler. I would never call on my parents for non emergency care unless they offered first.
Do you intend to look after them in their old age and house them and take care of them? I very much doubt it.

@LoveSandbanks yes same. We were never given to any relatives so my parents could swan off. We had family holidays only. After we became adults they started to have trips alone. Right now as I speak they are on a 4 week holiday.

I think other people have had my kids overnight on about 3 occasions since they were born!

I never understand the desperation for a night away over an evening out. Why the need to sleep in a different bed? Is what you actually want, a lie in? What time do the kids come back from in laws?

"Aibu to tell them they are not getting her when he is on call and they can pick another one of the 3 weekends to take her."

Yes, that is unreasonable.
It would not be unreasonable to say something like "I'm sure she'd love that thank you, is it too rude of me to ask if there any chance you could do the weekend after so DH and I can do something nice together when he is not on call?"

You said there were 3 other weekends which suggests a 4 week rota. It may have been complete coincidence to start with and they've just put in their calendar to ask every 12 weeks or something. I would be surprised if they were going out of their way to make sure you couldn't use the time for a date night.

Ah forget it. I just read all the OP replies. Yes. You are being unreasonable. Not just about your in laws.

it’s a bit confusing without more information like age of child or partner’s on call work but it sounds like … the grandparents are babysitting for the partner’s benefit to help with work and it sounds like a pre arranged ongoing agreement between the partner and their parents to the exclusion of OP. So it’s not that unreasonable to be a bit miffed. If a child free night is on offer (very kindly) it would be nice to benefit both parents wouldn’t it ?
Just say actually “we’ll be alright thanks but if you’d like another evening xx date would be great!”

Why can’t you go out when you haven’t got your daughter??
id be out like a shot, with or without partner