For grandparents always to have child when on call

[Rachealreid]

The last 5 times my partners parents have requested to have my child overnight when my partner is on call.
I don't know if they know he is on call but as its been 5 times now I feel like it's taken the mick a bit. I am still waiting for my birthday get a way which was in may last year for turning 30.

They also don't take her March to October as its caravan season.

Aibu to tell them they are not getting her when he is on call and they can pick another one of the 3 weekends to take her. I want to be able to go away for the night when she's away not stuck in the house all the time.

Just to be clear she doesn't go stay anywhere else during the year so it is good when they take her but we can't do anything so to me there's no point her being away.

She seems to think she knows it all - on call might finish at 6pm but Miss know it all here seems to think most people start work at 5.30am the next day fs.

Why don't you make arrangements with the other lady who has a thread about why won't her ILs or parents ask to have her children. Perhaps you could switch/share.

TBH if once it gets to 6pm he is no longer on call why can't you two go out for the evening if your kids are at their grandparents?

This really is a moan at the ILs for no reason or an easily solvable problem by just communicating with them!

You seem pretty confident about your entitlements and very assertive on here OP, so I'm surprised you've not found a way to address this with your in laws. How about 'In laws, we'd prefer for you to have DD overnight when we can use the chance to go away ourselves. How about (date)'?
You might want to leave out the parts about it not being worth her being away if there's no benefit to you, and that you find them using their caravan inconvenient, as that's unlikely to go well.

Because if my partner has to get up at 5.30am he wants to have an early night - not be out till 10 and home by 11.

You really aren't making any sense.

As someone said, if the on-call requirement finishes at 6pm can't you enjoy a nice childfree dinner and night out then?

And you aren't even sure if your in-laws know it's on-call weekends or if that's coincidence. So there's no reason at all not to politely say "thank you but we can't do that weekend. Would you be able to have her on the 16th instead?"

Really no problem here that isn't of your own making by just lashing out at everyone.

If he finishes being on call at 6pm can you not have a night out after that time?

So he is free from 4pm onwards what is the actual problem, there is more than enough time to go out for the evening after 4pm. You sound absolutely pathetic. This is a total non-issue.

You seem quite aggressive op. It’s nice your in laws want to spend time with their grandchild. If you don’t want them to then say no and if you do want them to say yes. It’s that simple. You could maybe say- oh would it be possible to do next week instead - and then go from there.

I'm so confused.

Does he only get up at 5.30am.if he has been on call the night before? If he is always getting up at 5.30am how will them having your child another night help?

I thought the issue was that the nights they offer he is on call so you are restricted, but it seems that there are other things.

He needs to book a night away and make appropriate arrangements with his parents and work.

Dh gets up at 4.30am and gets home at 6.45pm. We manage to go out for a drink/ dinner. And he's mid 60s!

We get up every morning at 5 due to our kids being young and hideously early risers. On the rare occasion we can get a babysitter we go out around 6/6.30pm and back by 11 and still up at 5 with a slight headache and an extra coffee. Always worth it. I don’t see the issue here.

Can’t you just ask them if they’ll have her on a night when you’re both free if you want a night out?

AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE WORLD IS LIKE IT IS.

What? What is the world like? What are you on about? Are you okay OP?

I mean can't you just ask them to babysit her so you can go out ? they maybe think offering when he's on call is doing you a favour. so much angst just ask them.

Op, what is it you actually want? Can you explain your ideal situation as I’m sure I’m not the only one confused.

Regale your DPIL with the fun you had out with the girls -came home at 2am, lots of wine and maybe they’ll be less keen next time.

'Dd would love to stay with you, could you do x date instead as we'd like to do y and partner isn't working/on call that date'

Non problem solved

Based on OP comments I’m led to think GP are scared to leave GC alone with her if her partner were to go off on call..

This makes no sense. So he CAN go out after 6pm (or maybe 4pm) if he’s on call, but doesn’t want to because he gets up at 5.30am? The grandparents are acting like grandparents rather than childcare, which makes you angry because you’d like them to offer to babysit whilst you both go out, but you refuse to ask them or have their son ask them, you just want them to be mind readers? I don’t know why you think over nights are something you’re entitled to, plenty of grandparents don’t, or if they do, it’s very rare, it’s not a service you’re owed. And where are your parents in this? Why not ask your dad to have them one evening so you can go out?

I don't know if they know he is on call

You've created a problem where there isn't one. Next time, just say "would it be possible for you to have her the following weekend?"

are they, how did you get to that conclusion ?

What is the reason you can't ask them to have DC overnight on Saturday instead then?

SO ASK, NICELY.

Jesus Christ, talk about looking for problems.

I think because that require OP to have a comprehensible conversation without yelling which given the evidence on this thread seems like a tall order.