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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For grandparents always to have child when on call

200 replies

Rachealreid · 21/02/2024 10:28

The last 5 times my partners parents have requested to have my child overnight when my partner is on call.
I don't know if they know he is on call but as its been 5 times now I feel like it's taken the mick a bit. I am still waiting for my birthday get a way which was in may last year for turning 30.

They also don't take her March to October as its caravan season.

Aibu to tell them they are not getting her when he is on call and they can pick another one of the 3 weekends to take her. I want to be able to go away for the night when she's away not stuck in the house all the time.

Just to be clear she doesn't go stay anywhere else during the year so it is good when they take her but we can't do anything so to me there's no point her being away.

OP posts:
hardworkandabitofluck · 21/02/2024 14:58

I discatate that we all stop commenting on this thread at once ;-)

Coconutter24 · 21/02/2024 14:59

“Aibu to tell them they are not getting her when he is on call and they can pick another one of the 3 weekends to take her.”

Yes if you word it like that then YABU. The next time they suggest a weekend and if your DH is on call just politely say the suggested weekend doesn’t work for your plans how about the following weekend? They will either say yes or no.

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/02/2024 15:02

Just seen the update. Only on call till 6pm

Then why on Earth can't you both go out for a nice meal at 7pm and home by 9pm and bed

What time does dh usually go to bed if up at 530 next day

HollyKnight · 21/02/2024 15:37

It's the way you have worded your post. You've made it sound like they're asking to have the child BECAUSE your partner is on call. When (I think?) you mean he just happens to be on call on those dates, which means the child being away is of no benefit to you as a couple because you can't do anything.

The solution is to say to them when they ask that it is not convenient on that date and then suggest a date that works for you.

florizel13 · 21/02/2024 18:22

What about your own parents? Are they around, could they have her.

florizel13 · 21/02/2024 18:23

And you don't have to be so fucking rude to people trying to help you either

SpongeBob2022 · 21/02/2024 18:43

I would just say to them that it's lovely of them to have her, but that if they'd be kind enough to have her on a night when your DP isn't on call (so that you can make the most the free time together), you'd really appreciate it.

I can't think of a malicious reason why they would deliberately offer on an on call weekend? Do they think it gives you some sort of break in case your DP is working or something? They aren't mind readers...I think you just need to communicate with them.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 21/02/2024 18:51

OP, you just seem to be winding yourself up now.

Might I suggest you lay out the issue concisely so everyone can understand instead of lashing out at people who are answering what they think is the problem.

Perhaps bullet points and skipping the emotional bits.

Yerroblemom1923 · 21/02/2024 20:06

Why not go out with your mates instead?

SushiMayo · 21/02/2024 20:31

Rachealreid · 21/02/2024 10:47

That was my plan initially but apparently according to everyone on this thread parents aren't allowed a break or to 'discatate when they have her'

Show quote history

Why haven't you asked this already?

celticprincess · 22/02/2024 16:31

It’s a strange one as mine have only stayed at GPs overnight when I’ve wanted to go out. They’ve never really asked to have them at other times. I don’t go out loads though. But it was never just on a night when I was staying home. I remember when my DM was desperate to have my first DD overnight for the first time she bought me and my DH a gift voucher to our for a nice meal. They’re older now so don’t stay as much.

ancienticecream · 22/02/2024 16:40

Holy moly, how about those responses from OP 😂 What a thread!

gemma19846 · 22/02/2024 16:42

She had your DD to see her grand her grandchild not as a babysitter so you can go out! Talk about entitled

Abbyant · 22/02/2024 16:45

Do you think they might suggest it so you can have the house to yourself? If my parents know my partner is working they’ll take the kids out for the day so I can have the day to myself ( they have the kids at other times as well)

OhYeahOhYeah · 22/02/2024 16:47

Weekendwanderer · 21/02/2024 12:40

Based on OP comments I’m led to think GP are scared to leave GC alone with her if her partner were to go off on call..

Yes, was starting to come to the same conclusion…

Vonesk · 22/02/2024 16:51

To get bitter and plan to use the child this way is using the child as a Pawn. And so wrong.
Are you independent????
Or stuck by the hip to another person.???????
What else would you rather people not do without your personal endorsement???????

Muddling247 · 22/02/2024 18:22

Only read a few comments from the first page but some very strange responses.

I also don’t fully understand the issue though - couldn’t you ask them if they could have her a different weekend instead when you’re partner isn’t on call? Or your partner ask his work if he can change his duty weekend? Or go away by yourself/with friends?

it feels very much a non issue which makes me feel like I might be missing something?

Manthide · 22/02/2024 18:58

I have 4dc and my parents or in laws ever asked to have them! My parents would normally take them away for a week every year but the dates would be mutually convenient. The in laws lived too far away for casual babysitting but I don't think it would have entered my mother's head to ask randomly to have them.
As a parent you can always say no and offer alternative dates as can they.

Tourmalines · 22/02/2024 19:46

Weirdo

DangerousAlchemy · 22/02/2024 20:58

florizel13 · 21/02/2024 18:23

And you don't have to be so fucking rude to people trying to help you either

100% this @florizel13 OP sounds like a total delight! Glad she's not my DIL!

Lj8893 · 22/02/2024 21:14

This is quite possibly one of the strangest threads I’ve ever read.

Harry12345 · 23/02/2024 00:19

celticprincess · 22/02/2024 16:31

It’s a strange one as mine have only stayed at GPs overnight when I’ve wanted to go out. They’ve never really asked to have them at other times. I don’t go out loads though. But it was never just on a night when I was staying home. I remember when my DM was desperate to have my first DD overnight for the first time she bought me and my DH a gift voucher to our for a nice meal. They’re older now so don’t stay as much.

That sounds normal to me, parents wanting to give their children a break and enjoy their grandchildren, my mum said it was a privilege to babysit and would always offer if I needed a break, on here you’re selfish and entitled if you expect it once

UKAus · 23/02/2024 04:38

Hey, so read your post and all the replies. I hear what you a saying, just your post and replies drip with anger and being fed up. And quite frankly I would be bubbling too if still awaiting a big birthday get away. It does seem unclear the communication with them. (Who is asking and what has been negotiated already and their responses when you have highlighted the issue with them and your partner.) Also good on you for asking the question to try and navigate the situation and dynamics of it all. You are over 30 now state your boundaries and needs. Unsure if they are your parents or partners parents but might need a readjustment from them being the parents and in their eyes you the teenager. (Might be completely wrong, just trying to piece this together from the way you have written things, apologise if completely wrong.) Goodluck hopefully you find a suitable resolution. I would be speaking with partner about going away and then ask if grandparents are free to facilitate this by having the children. Also, just a "ugh" families are hard.

ASimpleLampoon · 23/02/2024 05:37

Gentle Yabu because I agree no one is entitled to have someone give their child sleepovers.

At the same time, no one is entitled to time with your child on demand.

Out of interest, would these visits happen if they weren't facilitated by you? You can let your partner handle the arrangements if you prefer.

Mumof2teens79 · 23/02/2024 05:46

They probably think this is helping because OH is out, so you get a night to yourself, rather than having to do it alone.