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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For grandparents always to have child when on call

200 replies

Rachealreid · 21/02/2024 10:28

The last 5 times my partners parents have requested to have my child overnight when my partner is on call.
I don't know if they know he is on call but as its been 5 times now I feel like it's taken the mick a bit. I am still waiting for my birthday get a way which was in may last year for turning 30.

They also don't take her March to October as its caravan season.

Aibu to tell them they are not getting her when he is on call and they can pick another one of the 3 weekends to take her. I want to be able to go away for the night when she's away not stuck in the house all the time.

Just to be clear she doesn't go stay anywhere else during the year so it is good when they take her but we can't do anything so to me there's no point her being away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rachealreid · 21/02/2024 11:00

mondaytosunday · 21/02/2024 10:58

No, not everyone on this thread said that at all.
But asking if your in laws could have your child on X date that you want a trip away seems obvious. And a few have suggested that.
And you are not 'stuck' because your partner is away. There are loads of things you can do on your own if having a couple child free days! Id have loved that, but didn't have in laws interested enough, nor my own parents around to offer.

My partner is not away he is literally sat at home waiting to see if something happens and if it does he goes out

OP posts:
Original poster
Rachealreid · 21/02/2024 11:03

OneWillBurn · 21/02/2024 11:00

It's not dictating if you or your partner say, "we'd like a weekend away without dd, any chance you could have her on x or y date?"

Why would they deliberately choose the nights your partner's on call? Do they think you can't cope alone?

I am not alone? He is sat in the house waiting to get a call which might not come.

OP posts:
OneWillBurn · 21/02/2024 11:05

But presumably if he's on call you might end up alone that night?

Original poster
Rachealreid · 21/02/2024 11:06

OneWillBurn · 21/02/2024 11:05

But presumably if he's on call you might end up alone that night?

No as he can't go out past 4pm so no?

OP posts:
OneWillBurn · 21/02/2024 11:08

Okay... So I assumed that being on call meant he might have to go out to work but you're saying it just means he has to stay at home?

I'm confused now.

Chickenrunning · 21/02/2024 11:10

I didn’t find you OP easy to read. Am I right in thinking the issue is this:

Your child’s grandparents offer to have her every so often. However, the last few times this has happened you and your partner have been unable to go out as he has been on call, so may need to leave at any moment (and presumably can’t drink or be a significant distance away from his home/work.

For some reason this makes you cross. I can’t really understand why. It would seem quite easy to just say to the grandparents’could you have her this night instead?’

If you think they are doing it ‘on purpose’ then presumably you have other reasons to think that? It would be a little odd, however easily solvable. If your partner agrees with you that it would be nice to have a night out when he wasn’t on call, then he can either swap ‘on call’ nights, or stop telling his parents when they are, or, potentially, lie about when they were.

Tdcp · 21/02/2024 11:14

I think a lot of posters (inc myself) are struggling to see why them having your child when he is on call is an issue? That being said if you don't want them to go then they don't go.

Caterina99 · 21/02/2024 11:14

Surely just ask them (or better DH ask them):

“Hi parents. DW and I would love to have a night away, which we can’t do when I’m on call, would you be able to look after DD on x date for us instead of y?”

Presumably they either say yes or no!

AhNowTed · 21/02/2024 11:14

In what way are they "taking the mick".

God forbid they want to spend time with their grandchild, at a time convenient to them.

This thread is ridiculous.

Woodyandbuzz1 · 21/02/2024 11:23

What sort of on-call is it?

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/02/2024 11:23

Why don't you say thanks but we have plans that night - would you like her a b c sat night ?

Fizzadora · 21/02/2024 11:26

You could give them the benefit of the doubt that it is really just a coincidence that the times they have offered to have your child overnight have been when your DH is on call but you know in your heart that it isn't and that there is some sort of weird power play going on. Perhaps PILs don't want you to have a nice night away somewhere because they never did.
But you won't know if the pair of you don't ask them.
Try talking. I find this is the key to an easy and uncomplicated life.
I am a grandparent.

Sanch1 · 21/02/2024 11:26

Maybe they think they are helping you so that you dont have to deal with DD alone when DH is on call? Have you actually spoken to them or just assumed and got grumpy about it?!

usernother · 21/02/2024 11:28

I don't understand this question. Why don't you ask them if they can have her when you want to have a night away?

SgtJuneAckland · 21/02/2024 11:29

You might want to consider your tone if this is how you communicate generally. It's why you're getting the responses you are.

Yes it's perfectly fine to say next weekend doesn't work for us but she can do xyz dates. They probably think they are doing you a favour doing the on call weekends so you're not left with DC on your own.

Rosestulips · 21/02/2024 11:32

Does your partner get called out usually when he’s on call? I’d love that time myself to be honest.

I can understand your frustration at them not having her much and having no time just the two of you. I’ve been there.

Twentypastfour · 21/02/2024 11:35

I think maybe if you explain it again, from the top, as it is quite confusing and reads as if people know the back story of your life and what on call means in your partner’s job etc.

Original poster
Rachealreid · 21/02/2024 11:40

All my point was that it would be nice for them to take her when he isn't on call. We tend not to ask. All parents saying it's not nice to get a brake (thats on them) and I must 'hate my child?' Waw the stupidity of people is amazing. AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE WORLD IS LIKE IT IS. 'oh look someone asked for a brake from their child they must really hate the child? I love my child but some people's logic is waaay off.

And when I say on call on call finishes at 6pm not out during the night.

OP posts:
piglet81 · 21/02/2024 11:45

You’re not making a huge amount of sense, OP, but here is the issue:

All my point was that it would be nice for them to take her when he isn't on call. We tend not to ask.

If you’d like his parents to look after your child at a time that’s convenient to you, you need to (politely) ask them!

takealettermsjones · 21/02/2024 11:46

Rachealreid · 21/02/2024 11:40

All my point was that it would be nice for them to take her when he isn't on call. We tend not to ask. All parents saying it's not nice to get a brake (thats on them) and I must 'hate my child?' Waw the stupidity of people is amazing. AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE WORLD IS LIKE IT IS. 'oh look someone asked for a brake from their child they must really hate the child? I love my child but some people's logic is waaay off.

And when I say on call on call finishes at 6pm not out during the night.

Nobody has said you hate your child.

If your question is "am I unreasonable to be annoyed that my in laws are not doing something I haven't asked them to do" then the answer is yes. Ask them, nicely, and see what happens.

Original poster
Rachealreid · 21/02/2024 11:52

takealettermsjones · 21/02/2024 11:46

Nobody has said you hate your child.

If your question is "am I unreasonable to be annoyed that my in laws are not doing something I haven't asked them to do" then the answer is yes. Ask them, nicely, and see what happens.

Show quote history

They did on the previous page you must really not like your child it said

OP posts:
AhNowTed · 21/02/2024 11:55

If on call finishes at 6, that's earlier than most folks get home from work.

Nothing to see here.

Gazelda · 21/02/2024 11:58

So when he's on call, he's free after 6pm? Is that right? So why not take advantage of a child free evening and get dressed up and out on the town followed by a sleepy lie in the next morning?

Most parents see their child going for a sleepover and grandparents as a time for the child/GP to enjoy each others company. The opportunity for the parents to go away for the night is a side-benefit.

If you'd like a night away, then I can't understand why you don't just ask?

Original poster
Rachealreid · 21/02/2024 12:05

AhNowTed · 21/02/2024 11:55

If on call finishes at 6, that's earlier than most folks get home from work.

Nothing to see here.

You seem like a bundle of joy

OP posts:
LoveSandbanks · 21/02/2024 12:06

Rachealreid · 21/02/2024 12:05

You seem like a bundle of joy

Show quote history

theyre right tho’

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