For grandparents always to have child when on call

[Rachealreid]

The last 5 times my partners parents have requested to have my child overnight when my partner is on call.
I don't know if they know he is on call but as its been 5 times now I feel like it's taken the mick a bit. I am still waiting for my birthday get a way which was in may last year for turning 30.

They also don't take her March to October as its caravan season.

Aibu to tell them they are not getting her when he is on call and they can pick another one of the 3 weekends to take her. I want to be able to go away for the night when she's away not stuck in the house all the time.

Just to be clear she doesn't go stay anywhere else during the year so it is good when they take her but we can't do anything so to me there's no point her being away.

Perhaps they think they are doing you a favour? My husband used to go away with work and it was harder looking after my DC on my own overnight. Especially as I worked full time.

I've come to stick up for you OP, as this thread is full of people accusing you of being entitled and not liking your kid or in laws very much. I get where you're coming from. You don't get much help and you don't see this as help as you weren't asking for it and you can't "use" the free time, I get it. Could you try saying "not this time, but thankyou for offering. Would you mind having her over the following weekend instead if you're free, though?"

Go out after 6pm then?!?!
I dont go out before that anyway, its hardly late is it?

You are absolutely allowed to want a couples night without the kids. But you cant not ask for this then bitch and moan when the offer is made on an inconvenient night. Just aak them to have her on x night/weekend? It doesnt have to be this drama.

My mum typically has youngest on a Saturday as that suits her. If we have a wedding etc on a Friday, i just ask her "could you have J on Friday the xth?".

I get your frustration. Ask them to take her for a night that suits you. if they insist on only the on call night just say you've mammy daughter plans. suggest the week after. let it be known why the on call night is not a help and you'd rather a child free night with your husband. communicate. they probably think they're doing you a favour.

I clicked unreasonable because you haven't communicated to them a date that they've said no to, you just quietly annoyed they've not guessed when is good for you. Perhaps they think it's a help to you as you're on your own that night, you could go out with friends or have a break? It'd be nice if you can arrange a date that suits you too, why don't suggest one?

OPs covered that apparently she can't do that, she was going to but the people on this thread said she shouldn't....

Sorry OP, you've come across very badly here.

I’ve click yabu because you’re coming across as really difficult. All it takes is to ask. So easy. All this vitriol is very unhealthy.

You sound like a nasty person and should be glad they offer at all

That's passive aggressive from your side. You really could ask a specific night. Nothing/no one's stopping you. Instead you're blaming the in-laws for not reading your mind. And why can't you do anything by yourself/with friends when your partner is on call? Why do you need to sit at home with him? This whole thread is bizarre.

You're not stuck. You've made yourself stuck because you don't voice your needs and get offended when people offer help in a "wrong way". Sorry but you really need to work on your own communication skills. Many of us don't get any grandparent help at all due to their age, health, distance, busyness, etc. You are very lucky without realising it.

Are you sure they don't think they're helping out? By giving you a night off when you're on your own? X

Yes YABU. My children have never stayed with their grandparents, think yourself lucky instead of acting like an entitled brat. You could just politely ask if they can have DC on a certain date but refusing them having them just because their offers don't align with your plans is really shitty.

As much as op is being unreasonable the shaming on here for people whose parents frequently babysit and have grandchildren overnight is awful. My parents have always said if you need a night out or a weekend away just ask as we love having them. I don’t “swan off” and I’m not putting on them. Where I am from it’s really normal for grandparents to be involved and have them for sleepovers, it’s a sad that people don’t have that with their parents but no need to shame others that do

Have you asked your in laws if they’d mind having dc overnight on a specific date for you and dh to have a night out? Or are you expecting them to be mind readers?

Have you thought about paying a babysitter on a date that suits you?

Why does DC need to stay overnight? If you go away for your 30th why can't DC go too?

Can’t see the big issue here. Just ask them if they would mind having her another night so you can have some time together. It’s that simple, you are over complicating it. They can only say no.

My parents have my girls once a month usually for the whole weekend as they live over an hour away and so they want concentrated time with them. It has to fit round my dads shift though. However if we want to go to the theatre, or cinema or book a weekend away. I’ll reach out with usually at least a months notice and say are you free to have them weekend dd/mm? If they say no then fine we don’t go, if they say yes then great we get some time to go where we want to go. Giving advance notice gives my dad time to swap his shifts. Having a break away from your children to rest and recuperate makes you a better parent as you’re not exhausted and fried, it’s not a bad thing and time out of the house is just as important. You’re a person, not just a parent and as a person you have needs too. Not just the essentials like food, sleep and shower but you’re allowed some enjoyment in life. People who say you’re a parent now you’re never allowed to go out unless it’s with your children or how dare you palm them off on someone else are either jealous or don’t have children. It’s always important to spend time together without the children, if your relationship is all about them they move out as adults and you’ll have no relationship together and no hobbies or interests so become the overbearing parent who doesn’t want them to move out. My advice ask them if they could have your child on a particular date, give plenty of notice, worse case they say no and you can try again or negotiate another date, best case they say yes. Give it a go and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about it!

Maybe your in laws think they are helping by looking after your child for you when they know your husband is not there? Maybe you could use the opportunity to do something nice by yourself or catch up with your friends? But if the timing does not suit and you would like a night away with your partner why not just ask them if they can help out then instead? Or ask your partner to ask them since it’s his parents? I can’t see what they are doing wrong unless there is more background here you are not telling us…

It’s “break” not “brake” :)

If he finishes at 6pm plenty of time to have a meal at local pub couple of drinks back for 9pm bit of sex without having to be quiet or child wandering in lights out for 10 he still gets a good 7-8hrs sleep seems a good night to me.😉

Can you not just politely suggest an alternative date? Why all the drama?

OP a lot of people are struggling to understand what you mean, including myself🤷‍♀️ you say he can’t go out past 4pm for work.. so what exactly is your problem? Go out for dinner etc after 4pm then.. plenty of time.

you shouldn’t be refusing time for them to spend with your child just because it doesn’t “benefit you”, does your child enjoy seeing there grandparents? If so, it’s selfish to stop them going and enjoying there time with them just because you don’t gain out of it.. which you do!! You can still potentially go out with your partner and make plans.. you can actually relax and have time to yourself.. OR you could politely ask if a different day is possible.. don’t take for granted the fact they want to make an effort and actually have a relationship with there grandchild.. you are being entitled and rude..

even the way you speak to people on your responses on here (excluding the one where someone said you dislike your child which is obviously wrong and not nice to say) every other response from you has been genuinely belittling.. calling people stupid? Mrs.knowitall? For what? Because we think YABU.. you came on to an online forum to basically ask if you are.. and yes.. YABU because you haven’t even bothered to ask them if they could have her on a different night? And then to hear your partner can’t go out for calls past 4pm.. and your moaning because you “can’t do anything”… yes you can.

try and politely ask them, if they can’t change the night.. make the most of your free time! And appreciate it.. also be thankful your child has loving grandparents who want to see them/make the effort and also be happy that your child is having a good time seeing them!

Can you and partner have a romantic night in or a meal out? Then he's still available if he gets called in?

I’m with you OP, you’re not being rude. It must be really frustrating for it to constantly coincide with the least beneficial time for you, every single time. Even if it’s nobody’s fault, that would drive me up the wall! Obviously it would be nice for you to be able to fully enjoy child free time as a couple.

I would just wait for them to offer and then casually say actually, would the following/previous week work for you? That works better for us. No harm in asking, and not rude at all.

I was lucky when my daughter was young. Her dad was hopeless and selfish and wanted to live in a pub and luckily my mum and dad were more than happy to have her most weekends to let me work and go out at times. Not everyone has someone to help even a fraction of what my parents did.
i think if you are comfortable with it I’d ask if they would be happy to have her to let you and husband have your birthday overnight. They seem to enjoy having her. Assuming she likes going there too. They probably do think they are being thoughtful thinking they will give you a break when you are on your own. People tend to think everyone feels the same way they do and maybe that’s what would suit them. I’d. Decide a couple months thst suit for birthday and just ask. I v much doubt they will say no. If you have plans with daughter on weekends they want her tell them and suggest an alternative? I’m sure they will be happy to take her at other times too x

@LJinthecity did that make you feel good? The number of people reading this who may have developmental language disorder, dyslexia or other difficulties with language will be significant. This comment from you is more embarrassing than any spelling error. What a tell on your character.