To not "get" the requirement for alcohol to have a proper celebration

[MrsCulpepper]

I'm in the process of organising a meal for my birthday and considering a nice restaurant that's around 15 minutes drive away. I suggested it to others and was met without enthusiasm and "but some people won't be able to drink then".

I've never really felt that I "needed" a glass of wine or something else alcoholic after a tough day. I like it, and have a glass of wine or a beer or a gin and tonic when I'm out or visiting someone if they offer, but we don't generally have alcohol at home (perhaps in part because the expense).

When I was pregnant, I didn't miss drinking at all. It seemed to make people very uncomfortable though that I was "only" drinking water and they would fall over themselves to think of options they could offer. One friend of my husband's was really pushy about a small glass of wine, assuring me that it was absolutely fine to have while pregnant and his wife is a gynecologist so he knows what he's talking about. I had to say no 5 or 6 times!

I admire the PR that sparkling wine companies have done on their product so prosecco at the very least has to be budgeted for my party. And a taxi will be required too I suppose.

AIBU to consider a restaurant that would require a short drive? Is alcohol such a necessity for a party to be good?

Not a necessity obviously however if I am going out for dinner I really do enjoy wine with the meal, it just enhances the experience and I think wine is so much nicer with food than water (I don't like soft drinks really).

I could live with driving to a venue though if someone was insisting on a particular restaurant, it's not a huge deal.

YANBU a thimbleful of wine does me very well once a year on NYE 🙄
Anyone who likes to drink more than this is a raging alcoholic!

YANBU
We live in a crazy world where you have to justify not putting poison in your body. It's bonkers. You would think that not drinking would be the norm but it's not. Drinking is the norm.

But you can have a glass of wine and drive?

It's not that people can't possibly manage without a drink. It's that many people DO like to have a drink to celebrate a special occasion and that the drink drive laws (quite rightly) mean that you can't have a glass of wine and drive home. Certainly you can't in Scotland as the limit is so low. If it's a very special occasion or very special restaurant then you'd just pay the extra and get a cab home.

I very rarely drink any more since hitting menopause, it really doesn't agree with me any more. But I am not judgy about other people who do like a drink now and again. Although to a lot of people on here, more than 125ml annually at Christmas makes you a raging alcoholic.

Consider that restaurant

But also consider that your plan has not been met with enthusiasm

Because it’s delicious. It’s part of the meal? eg. Do you not allow anyone else dessert if you’re not having one because it’s unnecessary?

Surely friends who want a drink can car share.

It's not weird to want a drink at a restaurant, but it is weird to consider that more important than going to the birthday person's chosen restaurant! They can get a taxi or a bus if it's a problem, surely.

Maybe she could, but I certainly couldn’t. One glass of wine would affect me too much.

Also, not if you live in Scotland. Rules are different there.

Different people associate different things with having a good time.

some : eating/having a meal.
some : dancing.
some : chatting, telling jokes and laughing.
some : walking.
some : drinking.
some : singing.
some : playing games.
some : just sitting in peace and quiet.

etc etc.

You shouldn't have to do any of the above or be forced into it to have a good time. But you should understand other people might want to.

I like a drink but I think it's more a case of not having a suitable alternative - if I'm not having burger and fries then coke is awful. Ribena doesn't work with a curry. I'm not paying a fiver for orange squash with my chow mein...and a cup of tea with steak is just stupid.

Incidentally, most soft drinks now seem to be full of sweeteners which I really can't get on with

You do you but accept some people like to drink when out at a celebration so might not want to go - bit like a vegan booking a vegan restaurant.

I'm teetotal so I don't enjoy seeing other people getting pissed.
I had a problem with alcohol when I was younger and don't really enjoy the whole alcohol related having fun business. It wasn't fun for me at all being on the verge of alcoholism.
I went to an evening talk once about a subject I was interested in and afterwards at the bar people attending got so drunk I couldn't have a sensible conversation with any of them so I went home.

There's absolutely nothing in the drink driving laws that says you can't have a glass of wine and then drive. The advice is that you shouldn't, but that isn't the law. If it were the law, the limits wouldn't exist.

The legal alcohol limit in England, Wales and Northern Ireland for driving is 80 milligrams of alcohol per 100 millilitres of blood or 35 micrograms of alcohol per 100 millilitres of breath. In Scotland the limit is 50 milligrams of alcohol per 100 millilitres of blood or 22 micrograms of alcohol in 100 millilitres of breath.

The limit is lower in Scotland, yes, but even then one glass is extremely unlikely to take an adult over that limit.

I don't have an issue with people liking a drink with a meal.
I do have an issue with people saying they aren't keen on a hosts venue because they can't drink.
That's just rude IMO

My late FiL was like this. Couldn't understand why I wasn't getting pissed at every family event.

I can drink a pint and enjoy it. Two is also ok. Three is not good for me. I don't like wine anymore. I tend to drink coke zero after two. People call me a lightweight and it bothers me but it shouldn't.

None of my family are heavy drinkers. I don't see the point in taking on more than I can manage. In my youth I drank a fair bit but it was dangerous coming home on the tube as a woman pissed so I mostly knocked it on the head.

I think it's a case of some really enjoying a drink with their meal and being able to let their hair down. Could you offer to pick four of them up from a central point (ie they can walk to, to save you having to drive around and collect)? Chances are there's someone else who might not mind driving and another person might be able to get their OH to pick up one or two.

My late FiL was like this. Couldn't understand why I wasn't getting pissed at every family event.

OP is not talking about people getting pissed though, is she? She is talking about "a drink". As others have mentioned, the drink drive laws in Scotland mean you cannot have a single glass of wine with a meal and stay under the limit.

People project so badly on these threads and assume "a drink" is getting drunk to the vomiting and falling over stage.

People do not want to go.

That you feel virtuous about yourself and your alcohol consumption is irrelevant. That you found not drinking in pregnancy easy is utterly irrelevant.
Generally if asking people to celebrate your birthday at a restaurant and presumably pay, they will want a drink.

I hardly drink but if I was going for a meal and I wanted to then I would - as long as I didn’t have the car. It’s not a requirement or a need though but perhaps some people enjoy a few drinks with a meal on a nice evening out? I don’t go out much so it would be nice to if I wanted to.

no one has said they need to, just because you don’t want to drink or don’t ‘need’ to doesn’t make you the person who dictates to others what they should do.

I hate any type of pudding. Most dont.
I still wouldnt book some restaurant with no puddings available.

Wine pairings with meals are a BIG part of the meal. As a PP said, 5 quid for oj is revolting and a waste of money. Or wait... are you saying your friends are all alcoholics?😂

Agree. It’s op’s birthday, therefore her choice of venue.

her “friends” are essentially choosing alcohol over a night out to celebrate someone they supposedly care about’s birthday.

i don’t drink. I have no problem with others drinking, but I do find like o/p people get very pushy about trying to make you drink when you’ve said you don’t want to.

Going out for a meal is a treat for me, as is having a nice glass of wine with that meal. It's not about getting 'pissed' or having to have a drink, but wanting to enjoy everything that is a part of that experience, if you see what I mean. If I had to drive to the restaurant I would be a bit annoyed but not enough to mention it to the host.

I guess so but I would rather not drink at all when driving.

You don't NEEd to have food or go to a restaurant to have a proper celebration - you could have people to your house or go to a theme park - but it cannot have escaped your attention that restaurants are generally set up to serve food and drinks.
Having said that it wouldn't bother me to get a taxi there and back if it's a nice restaurant, or, if there's a group, it's OK to take turns being the designated driver. Depends how many other nice restaurants that you could have walked to you're driving past to get to that one I suppose, and what's so good about that one.
The way you've presented it as though you're happy not drinking and have a low opinion of people who do makes me think I'm not sure I would enjoy celebrating with you though. Why don't you offer to drive, and take a few of those who would like to have a few glasses of wine with their dinner?