To not "get" the requirement for alcohol to have a proper celebration

[MrsCulpepper]

I'm in the process of organising a meal for my birthday and considering a nice restaurant that's around 15 minutes drive away. I suggested it to others and was met without enthusiasm and "but some people won't be able to drink then".

I've never really felt that I "needed" a glass of wine or something else alcoholic after a tough day. I like it, and have a glass of wine or a beer or a gin and tonic when I'm out or visiting someone if they offer, but we don't generally have alcohol at home (perhaps in part because the expense).

When I was pregnant, I didn't miss drinking at all. It seemed to make people very uncomfortable though that I was "only" drinking water and they would fall over themselves to think of options they could offer. One friend of my husband's was really pushy about a small glass of wine, assuring me that it was absolutely fine to have while pregnant and his wife is a gynecologist so he knows what he's talking about. I had to say no 5 or 6 times!

I admire the PR that sparkling wine companies have done on their product so prosecco at the very least has to be budgeted for my party. And a taxi will be required too I suppose.

AIBU to consider a restaurant that would require a short drive? Is alcohol such a necessity for a party to be good?

You know a lot of very inflexible people in that case.

In my social circle we wouldn’t chose a place we had to drive to if it was a special occasion.

Snap-my group of friends would always go somewhere local that we can walk to.

You've invited people out for a meal to celebrate your birthday - so I presume you are covering the bill?

Therefore, why can't your friends cab share or why can't those driving offer those that fancy a few drinks a lift?

I don't really understand why all can't be accommodated.
Are you driving OP? Could you offer those that fancy a drink a lift?

That only works if all friends live in the same area though - surely that’s quite unusual?

It wouldn't bother me to do a 15 min drive- but I'd pay for a taxi so I could have a wine or two

Maybe, so-but the OP says they suggested it to others and was met without enthusiasm and "but some people won't be able to drink then". which suggests it’s the case for them as well.

It wouldn’t bother me to get the bus or cab in general tbh, but the OP says it’s a £60 cab fare, which would make the evening quite pricey-even if you shared the cab with another couple.

Are you paying for the birthday meal/drinks, @MrsCulpepper ?

Honestly I can happily not drink, but if I've organised a babysitter and arranged to go out I would like a few glasses of wine.

😂not as flexible as you obviously

Most people like to arrange a night out that suits their friends. Not stomp their feet like a child because its their Birthday. They aren't paying for everyone.

Most people would be happy to compromise if it meant the birthday person could go somewhere they really liked. They can choose when it’s their birthday.

Obviously not OP's friends.

I wonder what the outcome was.

Then OP needs better friends!

I also wonder what the outcome was.

You’re probably quite unlucky not to have 3 people out of 12 who naturally fall into the “don’t mind being designated driver” category. 2 in fact, as you could be one of the drivers.

There's no outcome as yet as it's not been decided! I've found another restaurant that's 10 minutes drive away so maybe that's better

The situation is that we'll be staying together in a cottage. Cottage is not walking distance from any eating places whatsoever. So either we drive/taxi or stay in.

I don't need wine to have a good time and quite often don't have one. But I don't consider myself a better person whether I do or don't....

I'm a light drinker, so alcohol with a meal turns it more into a treat, and wine or cider works better with food than water or Coca Cola which tend to be the only non diet options in most places. I'd rather have the headache from alcohol than a headache from the nasty, soapy artificial sweetners that ruin the taste in your mouth for hours. Most soft drinks are now stealth-diet and don't even blatently state that they're contaminated.

But I wouldn't fuss that a venue was in driving distance not walking and would quietly forgo an alcoholic drink in favour of convenient transport.

Yabu. Disingenuous question and why does every other fucking question on Mumsnet get posted on AIBU?

Only ask if you are genuinely not sure!

99.99% of people on the planet know that you can have a "proper celebration" without alcohol.

Why is one accused of being superior for not drinking? I only very rarely drink because I don't want to but it makes me no more superior to a person who does drink, other than the drunks.
I recall the very first time the school where I taught has an End of Year 11 'do', before they became Proms. they were taken to a hotel for dinner and a disco, no alcohol was allowed and a Senior Teacher drew the short straw of being the human breathalyser before we left. On Monday I asked my form group of they'd enjoyed it and one lad said 'It was great, I never realised you could have a good time without getting drunk!'.

Actually, no, it hasn't. Drinking to excess perhaps. Along with eating to excess... But until fairly recently, alcoholic drinks were safer than water so drinking alcohol was nothing out of the ordinary.

Not quite sure why my post is goady And I haven't said I don't drink? I literally said in my OP that I like a drink...

I am no alcoholic - I go weeks between drinks but I might be a bit put out if the chance of doing so at a meal out is completely removed or means I have to pay a lot for a cab. I'd still go to please my friend but would prefer to have the choice to drink wine- especially if it is an evening event. Drinking in the day can make me very sleepy so I'm less likely to do it.

I considered the taxi fare as well because it’d be about £30 each way with my local council rates. If me and my partner want to go to a restaurant that’s a distance away then he would rather drive because the cost of a taxi would be too much and he’s happy to not have a drink.

If a group are going though and splitting the fare then it’s not so bad and there are 6-8 seater taxis that usually don’t cost much more then regular cars so it dilutes the fare more.

If some of the group are happy not to drink though then surely it makes sense for them to be a designated driver and everyone can chip in with fuel money? For a one off occasion then I’m sure no one would mind.

I like having alcohol when I go out for a meal, I like pairing wine and I find it more enjoyable socially when people are relaxed if you go out as a group. I know not everyone feels the same but after working in restaurants for years I found that
a lot of people find alcohol enhances their experience - not to get drunk but because they find a glass of red wine goes better with their steak or a pint of lager is better with a curry then coffee or water.

Why do you feel like you have to go to a particular restaurant to have a celebration? Is it necessary to go out "for the party to be good? You could just stay home.

Exactly. Everyone has things they think is a treat. A couple of glasses of wine. No different than you thinking a particular restaurant will be a nice time.

Are you all staying in the cottage to celebrate your Birthday? If they've paid money to do that they aren't bad friends. Have a party in the cottage then go out to the restaurant with your DH another day.

Did you mention this cottage earlier? This changes it quite a lot! People are either doing this trip for your birthday (so great friends!), or it’s a little holiday for everyone. I can see why they don’t want to drive. Can’t you hire a larger taxi? It’s not going to be £60 each if you’re only going a 15min drive, just offer to pay the cab for them? Are you treating them to dinner for your birthday, or is everyone paying their own?

The situation is that we'll be staying together in a cottage. Cottage is not walking distance from any eating places whatsoever. So either we drive/taxi or stay in.

You don’t mention this before. So you will all be coming from/to the same place.

How many of you are staying in this cottage, @MrsCulpepper ? Did you pay for the cottage?