To not "get" the requirement for alcohol to have a proper celebration

[MrsCulpepper]

I'm in the process of organising a meal for my birthday and considering a nice restaurant that's around 15 minutes drive away. I suggested it to others and was met without enthusiasm and "but some people won't be able to drink then".

I've never really felt that I "needed" a glass of wine or something else alcoholic after a tough day. I like it, and have a glass of wine or a beer or a gin and tonic when I'm out or visiting someone if they offer, but we don't generally have alcohol at home (perhaps in part because the expense).

When I was pregnant, I didn't miss drinking at all. It seemed to make people very uncomfortable though that I was "only" drinking water and they would fall over themselves to think of options they could offer. One friend of my husband's was really pushy about a small glass of wine, assuring me that it was absolutely fine to have while pregnant and his wife is a gynecologist so he knows what he's talking about. I had to say no 5 or 6 times!

I admire the PR that sparkling wine companies have done on their product so prosecco at the very least has to be budgeted for my party. And a taxi will be required too I suppose.

AIBU to consider a restaurant that would require a short drive? Is alcohol such a necessity for a party to be good?

Just commented the exact same thing before seeing the more recent posts! Our friend group all live at least half an hour from each other so there is never anywhere we can meet for a night out / meal that doesn't require at least some people driving / getting taxis. Surely that's the norm as adults?! We just take it in turns to meet at different places local to someone else each time.

Well I don’t drink at all so am obviously of the opinion that alcohol isn’t necessary . In this case it’s your birthday so you should get to choose where to go .

You don't get that people enjoy different things to you?

There is nothing wrong with having a glass of wine with a meal, same as there is nothing wrong with not having a glass of wine, it's just a personal preference.

To be honest I don't really care if other people want to drink alcohol.
I don't like it so I don't drink it. It's not something I would even consider if I was having a BBQ or brunch type event - until someone else might suggest "shall we get some beers/cider/wine" and I'd be like "oh yeah".
Sulking because you can't have alcohol at an event just seems a bit childish to me.
That's my humble opinion 😂 but to be honest as long as people aren't getting actually drunk I don't care what they choose to drink.
They are them, I am me.
If the OPs friends really want to celebrate with her then they should car share (with a designated driver) or taxi.
(I'd have to taxi anyway as I don't drive).
If they choose not to go then that's their choice.

We got a cab back from a party about 15 minute drive away a couple of weeks ago-that was nearly £30. On top of a meal out for 2, that evening would cost a fortune. I can see why people would rather go somewhere they could walk to.

Unless this particular restaurant does something amazing that the more local ones don’t do, I’d rather do the economical option.

You do need to be careful. I was curious and did a breath test after a meal with 1 x 175ml glass of white wine. I felt absolutely fine. I was over the limit. I will never drive if I’ve had a glass, it’s just not worth it.

These threads are like a parallel universe to me. I don't think I know anybody who doesn't like a drink. But I'm now old so perhaps we winos are a dying breed.

I would also never drive after drinking any alcohol.
It's just not a risk I am willing to take.

If I am going out to dinner I would like to have wine with my meal.

I think if you want ppl to come and enjoy themselves you need to make it easy. It almost seems like you are making a point about alcohol?

Are you paying for the meal/drinks etc or is everyone paying their own way?

You're out of control. EVERY New Year's Eve? You urgently need to seek help with your binge drinking.

A dying breed who has got to grips with the concept of a taxi.

You’ve extended an invitation with venue info and invitees can simply decide whether or not they want to attend.

😂😂😂

"Economical option"?! 😂I hate to break it to you but there are no "economical options" when eating out these days. If you want an economical option then I suggest staying at home!

We live in the middle of the country and there is absolutely nowhere we can walk to for a meal so we don't have that option. We either drive, get a taxi or stay over at someone's house.

I'm guessing the OP and other posters live in city / town centres with plenty of options on their doorstep if they can walk to all these restaurants.

Can people not get taxis or public transport these days?

I’ve declined invitations 15-30 mins away for things/company I don’t think I’ll enjoy much sober, and don’t want the high booze, taxi and childcare costs! If I enjoy the company would drive.

Your choice of restaurant, and your friends choice if they attend or not.

The thing is, you don't need to "get" it. You just need to accept the fact that many people (including your friends) like to have a drink when they go out for a meal in a restaurant, and driving there makes that impossible (although they could always shell out for a taxi as an extra expense if they wish).

Then you make your choices according to what you want to do in that situation. It's your birthday, after all, and your choice of restaurant as the organiser. Your friends can always make their excuses if they don't want to go.

Haha this is a good point - if the event and/or the people will be enough fun, then I'm happy to drive and not drink. But for some events/people then I'm going to be wanting a drink to make it more enjoyable!

If the taxi adds another £30 to the cost of a meal out for two, it might make the evening unaffordable. Especially if they are paying for a babysitter as well.

I’d rather go out somewhere local, both be able to share a bottle of wine and then walk home.

Essentially, what’s more important to the OP, eating at this restaurant or having happy friends there. I’d go for the happy friends, personally and I wouldn’t be questioning what made them happy.

So every person invited has to live within walking distance of the venue?!?!

We rural people face this dilemma all the time. Going out for a meal means having a drink, so we have to find a way to get home. Drink less, don't drink, nominated driver, taxi (no buses). To expect people not to drink is unrealistic. I have a glass of wine some nights with dinner and I'm certainly not a raging alcoholic despite the levels of righteousness in this thread. So: what to do with your dinner? Either choose a nearer restaurant and solve the problem that way or book a couple of Ubers/taxis/minibus and make that your present to everyone.

Amazing, but not everyone has lovely restaurants on their door step, so surely a bus, taxi, drive and not drink. People have issues if they can only go out within a certain radius for fear of missing a glass of wine. It would just prove how much the friendship means to you if people fucked you off for that reason.

Amazing, but not everyone has lovely restaurants on their door step

That doesn’t sound like it’s the case for the location of the OP, though.

I'm in the process of organising a meal for my birthday and considering a nice restaurant that's around 15 minutes drive away. I suggested it to others and was met without enthusiasm and "but some people won't be able to drink then".

This suggests that there are other places more local/more accessible that they would prefer and would be easier/make for a more reasonably priced evening.

It’s obviously up to the OP where she goes. I’d rather go to a place that isn’t costing my friends extra money/hassle/inconvenience so they would join me.

If I wanted to go to this particular restaurant and thought it would be a pain for people, I’d go with just my husband and offer to drive.