To not "get" the requirement for alcohol to have a proper celebration

[MrsCulpepper]

I'm in the process of organising a meal for my birthday and considering a nice restaurant that's around 15 minutes drive away. I suggested it to others and was met without enthusiasm and "but some people won't be able to drink then".

I've never really felt that I "needed" a glass of wine or something else alcoholic after a tough day. I like it, and have a glass of wine or a beer or a gin and tonic when I'm out or visiting someone if they offer, but we don't generally have alcohol at home (perhaps in part because the expense).

When I was pregnant, I didn't miss drinking at all. It seemed to make people very uncomfortable though that I was "only" drinking water and they would fall over themselves to think of options they could offer. One friend of my husband's was really pushy about a small glass of wine, assuring me that it was absolutely fine to have while pregnant and his wife is a gynecologist so he knows what he's talking about. I had to say no 5 or 6 times!

I admire the PR that sparkling wine companies have done on their product so prosecco at the very least has to be budgeted for my party. And a taxi will be required too I suppose.

AIBU to consider a restaurant that would require a short drive? Is alcohol such a necessity for a party to be good?

But it’s o/p’s birthday?

why shouldn’t she get to do something she wants?

people enjoying different things is fine, but on her own birthday, the reason for the social event, why should she have to sacrifice her own likes because other people don’t?

if my friend asks me to her birthday meal, I say “where and when”. If where it is or what she’s doing impacts on whether I want to go, then I don’t think she’s that much of a friend, as clearly she’s not as important as not being able to have a drink, or eating vegan, or whatever.

Are there good restaurants nearby op, that would keep everyone happy? I think it's relevant if so.

Honestly if people can't make a 15 min trip for a friend then I'd be questioning the friendship.

Personally I hate going out for meals. Suffer with allergies & it's just an anxious and awkward experience all round. I find the very experience odd, all sitting staring at each other eating, it isn't enjoyable for me. However, I appreciate it's the social norm. As is having a drink - and it's the only part of the experience I enjoy as it helps me to relax and feel less awkward about telling people they can't order xyz as it could kill me.

I expect a lot of people have reasons for wanting a drink to unwind/relax/enjoy the event more. Some just enjoy a drink on their down time and that's ok too.

Agreed - 15 mins - need 1 person in 4 or 5 to not drink ( car sharing )

The uk is about 1 in 4 or 5 doesn't drink at all , and I would suspect that another 1 in 4 could take or leave it

It's op birthday and she wants to chose a place where the food suits her best rather than be dictated too by the needs of other for the drug alcohol

and if you need a drink to be able to relax , you have a problem although I suspect many will find it hard to own up to that

Basically, OP is not in sync with her friends.
She needs them at her (expensive meal) or not.

YABU for suggesting it’s somehow wrong or weird for people to drink wine when they go out for a meal, but your guests are also being for not just booking a taxi if they want to drink. Maybe if it were two hours away I might be a bit miffed but 15 minutes is a standard driving distance to most nice restaurants isn’t it?

Yanbu but a lot depends on where you are and the local options - if local friends suggested a place 15 mins drive which is similar and no better than the local offerings I would be peeved because it means driving in the dark which isn't my favourite thing and the cost of petrol when all the restaurants in my town are 15 mins or less walk from my house! I do like wine with meals too

Always happy to go to a sober party, I've been to so great ones. Don't like holier than thou types though (ironically at least not without being a few sheets to the wind.)

YAWN 🙄

Your preference is not to drink, mine is to have a glass of wine with my meal. Neither is right, but won’t sit there and insist you have a glass of wine- I see it as your choice. Why can’t you do the same?

Maybe we could say the same if you need food to relax. Do YOU have a food problem?

I don’t need a drink to relax, but I don’t like fizzy or sweet drinks. So unless I have wine then I always have water with a meal because I really don’t like the soft options. Just water with a meal out deals quite puritanical to me. So I don’t “need” it, but I do want it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

For reference I probably have 2 or 3 glasses of wine every fortnight. If you want to judge for yourself if you think I have an issue or not.

The mind boggles

I like a glass or 3 of wine with a meal. But I don't consider a 15 minute drive unreasonable. We live on the outskirts of a large city and have multiple restaurants in walking distance but frequently drive 20-30minutes to go somewhere we like or want to try.
We normally share driving...so 4 people in a car...is that not possible?
If no-one wants to drive, we get a cab.

So you manage not to drink with food normally but have to when you go out ?

That is a problem

This!

One meal for a friend’s birthday isn’t asking much at all.

I don't "need" to do a lot of things but I choose to do them anyway because we are allowed to enjoy things. Shall I pretend not to understand why you feel the "need" to celebrate your birthday with nice food even though people all over the world survive without birthdays or cake?

@CloudPop

I used Ubers all the time in the city then I moved to a town where you have to predict you need a cab 3 weeks ahead and be finished by 10, and hope that one of the only 2 taxi drivers aren't doing airport runs. Thankfully we have half a dozen places to eat in walking distance or a bus until midnight into the city

😂

There is always one.

Not drinking alcohol would not ruin a meal out for me. I feel like food tastes better without but have the necessary drinkers never heard of Ubers or taxis? <baffling>.

have the necessary drinkers never heard of Ubers or taxis? <baffling>.

It’s not particularly baffling. Not wanting to spend an extra £30 to travel to somewhere further away, when you could stay more local is pretty sensible.

If the local restaurants do the food OP wants. They may not.

You could always save the £30, drive, and then use it to go out and have a drink when you get back

Depends where you live. Uber has never made it here and good luck getting a taxi, I know they’ll come out for airport runs and trips over 90minutes if you book far enough in advance 🤣

So you say sorry I can’t come to your birthday meal, I’m a bit short this month and can’t afford it.

you don’t say yes, well I would come, but I don’t want to do x or y, so if you do that then I don’t want to celebrate your birthday with you. You have to accommodate my wants over yours, even though it’s your birthday.

get some new friends o/p.