To not "get" the requirement for alcohol to have a proper celebration

[MrsCulpepper]

I'm in the process of organising a meal for my birthday and considering a nice restaurant that's around 15 minutes drive away. I suggested it to others and was met without enthusiasm and "but some people won't be able to drink then".

I've never really felt that I "needed" a glass of wine or something else alcoholic after a tough day. I like it, and have a glass of wine or a beer or a gin and tonic when I'm out or visiting someone if they offer, but we don't generally have alcohol at home (perhaps in part because the expense).

When I was pregnant, I didn't miss drinking at all. It seemed to make people very uncomfortable though that I was "only" drinking water and they would fall over themselves to think of options they could offer. One friend of my husband's was really pushy about a small glass of wine, assuring me that it was absolutely fine to have while pregnant and his wife is a gynecologist so he knows what he's talking about. I had to say no 5 or 6 times!

I admire the PR that sparkling wine companies have done on their product so prosecco at the very least has to be budgeted for my party. And a taxi will be required too I suppose.

AIBU to consider a restaurant that would require a short drive? Is alcohol such a necessity for a party to be good?

Of course I would go! I just don’t believe she can’t ‘understand’ why some people like to have a drink and dinner, or champagne for a celebration.

There is so much of this faux incomprehension on here that often is trying to mask the writer’s belief of their own superiority.

Many people like a drink with food or to celebrate, it really can’t be that difficult to understand.

Millions of people like McDonalds, F1 racing, beards on men, and homemade chutneys. I don’t, but I can certainly understand why people do.

Surely the people who insist on drinking can just get a taxi? So what's the issue? I don't get it.

@MrsCulpepper - I hear you! I was shocked by the alcohol abuse / dependency that seems rampant in the UK when we moved here. I too like a glass of wine or a G&T now and then. But I certainly wouldn't avoid a restaurant just because they don't serve alcohol. There really is more to life. I regularly give up alcohol for Lent, and my wider family are always a bit distraught about it - "But how can we celebrate your birthday if you aren't drinking?" they cry. Every celebration doesn't require alcohol, and some of the best times I've had have been alcohol free.

It's your birthday - do it the way YOU want. Those who love you will come anyway. Happy birthday in advance!

YANBU. It's your birthday so you should choose the venue that you want. If they want to drink then it is up to them to arrange transport for themselves not you.

I live in a rural area so people are used to either

a - driver doesn't drink
b - get a minibus for whole group
c - go to the Indian or pub where we live

as a social group we have done all 3 options as people like to do different things and not always go to the 2 places that we can walk to

Because there’s a cost of living crisis?!? So for some people it might be a choice between the meal and a cab?!? They might not be able to afford both?!? Maybe they spent all their money on superfluous punctuation marks?!?

They can spend the amount they would have spent on alcohol on the cab.

Seriously though, if the deciding factor when it comes to whether to attend a friend's birthday celebrations or not because money is tight is whether or not you can drink then you have bigger problems.

@OpieMo you do realise there is a difference between being a raging alcoholic and wanting a couple of glasses of wine with your dinner when you are out?

Perhaps these people don't go out much so when they do they like to have a drink.

None of them were enthusiastic and surely not all of OP's friends are problem drinkers.

YANBU, no idea why people would make a big deal out of this, surely if you want to go you do, and if you don't you make your excuses? I live in a rural area so if you want to out and enjoy a drink you either car pool, arrange a taxi or get the local farmer's trailer that seems to run every weekend (one designated driver on the tractor and as many drinkers as they can fit in the open trailer on the back, it's an entertaining sight in the summer months). If nobody drove anywhere to go out, nobody would go...well, anywhere. It's really not an insurmountable problem.

@purplehotdogs that sounds good fun with the tractor and trailer.

I’d come, drink but get a taxi. 15 mins is nothing! Do people expect you to arrange something two mins walk from each of their doors?!
I don’t like going out without a drink or two, for me it makes it more fun!

If it's your own birthday celebration, surely the others should go along with what you want, even if it means they can't have alcohol this time. Would they complain if you wanted Italian food on your birthday, and they preferred French?

Are most of the friends in a town/city with walkable options?

How did you come up with 3 drivers out 12 guests? Are you assuming everyone will carpool?

What are logistics of this evening in general?

I enjoy a glass of wine with my meal. I hate long drawn out dinners and when I am the designated driver and can't drink, I absolutely hate it. Because everyone else is tipsy and enjoying a nice drink while I am drinking water (and no, I will not touch coke or sugary juice with a barge pole). It gets really really realllyyyyy boring.

That being said, I suck it up and of course I attend a celebration even if I can't drink. Your friends are rude.

I understand the necessity of alcohol to have a good time which is why I had to give it up in the end. British people are too shy and inhibited in general and alcohol helps us let our hair down

Of course the alcohol could be an excuse and what they really mean is they don't like that cuisine / restaurant / town / the company / the time or the day.

Your invitees aren’t saying they ‘CAN'T have a good time if not drinking’. More likely saying they don’t much fancy your specific invitation sober!

Their quibbling (rather than simply declining if they didn’t want the expense/effort) seems rude and makes me wonder if the quibbling invitees are family members!

I don’t drink and drive at all. Not even one glass so it would affect me but would depend on the crowd. Are the non drivers going to be quite boozy? If so I’d probably not want to be in that company, maybe leave early and go home and have a glass of wine there!

I’d also prefer not to drive if I can walk or can somewhere but up to you though…

I'm curious to know if they are family members, colleagues or close friends.

You don't need alcohol to have a celebration, not do you need a nice meal, nice clothes or good conversation.

But they are common things people enjoy doing and make them feel happy.

You don't get much from having an alcoholic drink, but others are telling you it's an important part of the celebration to them. Your preference isn't more virtuous, just different.

If I’m going out for a meal with friends I enjoy wine. I can go without if I have to, but I prefer to have wine. So do many. Great for those that aren’t fussed but it’s how some people relax and socialise. I can take it…. I can also leave it. But I enjoy it and would prefer it over not having it. Depends the company you keep really. In my social circle we wouldn’t chose a place we had to drive to if it was a special occasion.

I'm not a vegan, but if a vegan friend booked a vegan restaurant for her own birthday, then I'd go and be nice about it because it's HER birthday. OP"s so-called friends are being very unreasonable if they can't between them sort out a designated driver to give lifts to those who fancy a glass of wine with dinner, so she can go to her preferred restaurant on her birthday. She is not asking them not to drink!

Absolutely.

I'm actually shocked at the amount of posters that demand to be catered for on their friend's birthday.

Whose birthday is it again ? Oh yes...Not Yours.

I know a lot of people who wouldn't pay money to eat at a vegan restaurant. Birthday or no Birthday.

But who’s paying?

If I’m spending money on a meal I would like to enjoy the meal. Birthday or no birthday. Vegan or not vegan. Etc.