To be a bit annoyed at double texting friend

[Sundaycoffee]

AIBU to expect someone to read the room when I don't reply to text messages straight away?
I have a friend who has a lot more spare time than I and she tends to double text a lot which is starting to grate on me a bit.
For example yesterday evening she sent me a standard "hello how are you doing?" type message with details of her day. Nothing urgent. I was out last night so didn't get time to reply and then today I'm at work, busy busy. Gym, making dinner. I've only just sat down at 9pm to look at my phone to see she's sent me another message a couple of hours ago.
It's another hello, how are you message with more details about her day. As if she hadn't sent the last one at all!
Is this normal? If I had text a friend a non urgent message and she hadn't responded in 24 hours I wouldn't send a follow up saying the same thing.
I think it annoys me as it makes me feel like she thinks she's entitled to my time/attention when she wants it rather than when it suits me to respond.
If this was a one off I wouldn't mind so much but it happens frequently and then I feel guilty for not responding faster!

Iv seen so many people lately comment they are doing 6-8 or 6-10 and it’s basically where your off your phone and actually having “you” time. No devices or electronics just either chatting to the kids or OH and just being “present” if I was you I would comment that your on your phone way to much trying to catch up on it from a busy day and it’s not healthy. I’d also pop in there that once my timers gone il message but then il be getting sorted for bed so may take a day or 2 to get back to you.

YANBU.

The issue is, if you reply, she does so immediately, and you don’t have the time or inclination to be texting back and forth.

It’s made me think about what’s normal amongst my friends. I can be a bit slack sometimes at replying instantly to messages, so I come from that position.

But, generally speaking - we will text, the other will reply, there maybe one more text each, ending with a reaction emoji to the text, acknowledging its receipt.

And that’s it. Until the next time either of us needs to text.

We’re all busy, and everyone seems to implicitly understand the unspoken rule. And doesn’t make a nuisance of themselves.

Always respond with ‘will text later’

Gosh you’d hate my friend group, we text all day every day! If we’re busy we just say sorry got a lot on speak soon and there'll be a gap but honestly we prioritise our chatting as we’re so close!

Lord she’s a lot to take! Just keep doing what you do, reply when you want to. She’s trying to control your life it seems.

Personally I think texting should be relaxed and not require an instant reply, that's why I like it more than a call which I have to deal with immediately.
I am generally quite a quick replier and all but one of my friends will keep it short and sweet. That one friend however will message loads and loads so I only reply to her when I know I have more time.

Too right. Some people just have verbal diarrhea when it comes to texting and whatsapp messages. I like to catch up with people in person or set aside time to communicate with people. I really hate being continually bombarded with every person's random thought and every image of their child or pet to "like". But then again I also hate people just turning up on the doorstep, without checking whether it's convenient, and expecting you to drop whatever you're doing to entertain them (MIL!!!!!!!!). No one has the right to my attention 24/7. But then if I specifically need downtime, my phone is switched off and I don't answer the door.

I had a friend who would keep me waiting days for a reply to meet up (with our children). I found it really rude. She was a busy person - all fine - but I felt that she was always tying to fit me in with her other plans.

Yep! It's unreasonable. Only takes a sec to say "Hi, --- sorry! Its frantic right now. Will message you at the weekend. Have a good week.!"
I had a freind who ignored messages.
I'm still chatty with her on group meet ups. I wouldn't fall out over it .No longer text her though. My time was just as important as hers but I felt my efforts were' snubbed'
The thing is,we're all busy,we all have stuff going on. Her things are just as important to her I daresay. Still she makes the time.

This is how me and my friends are we are right chatter boxs.
We never stop lol.
But time is never promised so we make time and chat since losing one of our close mates in a car crash all of a sudden it made us see that if we cant make time for each other then when.
Here today, maybe not tomorrow.
We text all day on and off everyday its nice to no we have each other to talk to even in the middle of the nights one will answer.
12 hours a day it takes less than 5 seconds to send a message.

It annoys me more when a friend reads a text and doesn’t reply for almost a week, but then when she replies she expects an almost instant response…..or doesn’t respond to a message then 2 months later texts and asks if everything’s ok because she hasn’t heard from me for 2 months!! Like it’s only me who can initiate a convo

Have you considered she might be lonely? The second text is because she's desperate for some form of human interaction? Or for a friend? Perhaps consider other people's circumstances and not just your own. This is coming from someone currently on long term sick leave who would just love a text from one of her colleagues to show that someone remembers her!

I'm a teacher, with 2 young kids and hobbies etc but 9 times out of 10 I reply fairly quickly to people and enjoy a chat. I'm probably guilty of being on my phone too much. It does frustrate me if a friend doesn't reply for ages (or at all - though I don't double text) especially in a group chat and you're trying to organise something. Just reply quickly but in a short response with no need to follow up. If she keeps messaging just say you're going to bed or having dinner and you'll catch up later. I know it's difficult but it's no fun being ignored.

My friends always reply the same day - is this unusual?

Just don’t be friends, your hearts not in it

You are overthinking it. As you don’t like to chat on message, you could reply “trying to cut back on messaging let’s set up a time for a call” (which could be later that week).

So text back! It's rude to ignore your mates.

Me & my friends chat all week.
No one gets offended if someone "double texts" how uptight!

I know the type of friend/texter too OP. I've even known people who have "busy lives" and still somehow manage to "see" and respond to Whatsap texts in seconds! It always gives me the alarm bells 😂 and I start dreading the communication.
Whatever her needs/wants are irrelevant, she can't just impose herself on others like that! I'd say just ignore the 1st text, go with the second but always in your own time and do not apologise/try to explain how busy you are. That goes without saying, plus even if you've got lots of free time she should understand she isn't the centre of your life.

So you need to contemplate a long list of reasons why someone hasn't replied immediately to your text, and that's not obsessing? Righto.

Not quite as cringey as grown adults sulking or pestering when someone doesn't immediately reply to your text.

The way I see it, texting is meant to be about communicating isn't it? So why not just tell her how you feel when you next see her OP? Or, alternatively, just acknowledge her text as soon as you've had time to read it, but say, something along the lines of 'thanks for the text, can't talk now, will be in touch soon'. That's what we do as a family if we're too busy for a 'chatty' text session. It tells the person at the other end that you've seen what they had to say, and will get back to them when it's more convenient. If she then continues to text, you'd be justified in ignoring her, but then, to me that would say that you're not really that bothered about the relationship anyway, so I'd just stop texting altogether.

Hate it. I’m not texty. “Hello stranger!” Argh…

I would just write back “Busy atm” after the second message. Every single time.

I don't feel as though not enjoying back and forth small talk text conversations for half an hour or more means I don't value her as a friend. To those saying it takes 5 seconds to reply- yes, but then she messages again straight away so its never just 5 seconds, which is the problem. I am aware I can say I'm busy and text later but then that only shifts the issue to another time.
I'm not not replying because I'm busy. Its because I just don't enjoy the back and forth conversation on text about what we are watching on TV, what she's making for dinner, how tired she is, what colour she painted her nails today etc etc
I'm not going to say I'm busy now, but talk later, if I don't want to talk about it later either 🤣 and even when I do say I'm busy the messages still come through regardless for "when I'm free" so then I'm faced with 10-15 messages to reply to. It doesn't stop her from sending them because I say im busy.
I would rather just save back and forth chit chat for in person meets (which we have once a fortnight or so)
Obviously if we are making plans for something or it's about something important then I will text and reply- that is different and I wouldn't leave someone hanging for that.
I have even told her before that I'm not a big texter and don't like being on my phone too much but then she started sending me long voice messages instead or "podcasts" as she calls them.