To be a bit annoyed at double texting friend

[Sundaycoffee]

AIBU to expect someone to read the room when I don't reply to text messages straight away?
I have a friend who has a lot more spare time than I and she tends to double text a lot which is starting to grate on me a bit.
For example yesterday evening she sent me a standard "hello how are you doing?" type message with details of her day. Nothing urgent. I was out last night so didn't get time to reply and then today I'm at work, busy busy. Gym, making dinner. I've only just sat down at 9pm to look at my phone to see she's sent me another message a couple of hours ago.
It's another hello, how are you message with more details about her day. As if she hadn't sent the last one at all!
Is this normal? If I had text a friend a non urgent message and she hadn't responded in 24 hours I wouldn't send a follow up saying the same thing.
I think it annoys me as it makes me feel like she thinks she's entitled to my time/attention when she wants it rather than when it suits me to respond.
If this was a one off I wouldn't mind so much but it happens frequently and then I feel guilty for not responding faster!

I find you exceptionally rude.

I've only done it when I've had something else to say. Like my friend has 5 kids and works 2 jobs and has dogs, cats and reptiles so she can take as long as she needs to reply. But I might say 'hi, how are you'. Get no response then email 'omg I forgot to say....' I don't want a response quicker I'm just saying while I remember. What you've described does sound weird.

YANBU at all. I have a few friend like this who will message asking if I’m okay if I don’t reply for a few hours. I lead a busy life and make time for my friends whenever I can, and always try and respond within a day or two, but find it frustrating when I get a double message because the fact I haven’t replied to the first should signify I’m busy!

If I was the type to forget to reply for weeks (I have some friends like this) then I’d understand if a second message came after a while.

Nothing as extreme as that! A lot people spend part of Sundays visiting family or relaxing with dc and for many it’s the one day when they don’t have to look at screens that’s all.

Exactly.. it's like they don't know how to read the room.

People aren't psychic.

I always thought the loneliness epidemic that gets spoken about was a myth but it seems mumsnetters are the root cause of it.

@Ohnoohohhoohh You like so many can't read properly. These are people we are replying to. Just not constantly. We're talking about people who reply straight away and expect that speed back, over and over.
No-one is responsible for constantly entertaining someone else, they have other friends, family, work, hobbies, house etc.

You are annoyed at her for not understanding your communication style? Use your voice and say what you need. In general we are all different not everyone is on the same page and therefore we need to articulate when needed.

That's the crux of it, isn't it.

All these people who think non communication is communication.

How is someone supposed to 'read the room' when you can't be arsed to communicate what it is you want or don't want?

List of potential reasons someone hasn't replied:

• they are busy and don't want a text conversation
• their phone is broken
• they read your message, thought they'd replied but hadn't (never done this myself personally but absolutely get that it must happen as seems common)
• they don't actually really want to be your friend but aren't going to explain that so they're ignoring you and hoping you'll give up
• they didn't notice you had messaged
• they allocate a specific time for checking and responding to messages and it isn't that Tim yet
• they don't text on a Sunday

And many, many more.

When they 'read the room' which reason are they expected to know is the right one?

Genuine question?

Why does it matter?

Honestly, in the nicest possible way, anyone who spends this much time obsessing over why someone hasn't replied within a time frame that THEY consider acceptable, needs to get a life.

People are different. What you consider a reasonable reply delay won't be the same for someone else. Either accept that, or go find someone else to text, but why badger people, or waste your time and mental energy obsessing over it?

She thinks you're closer than you do.

Just tell her to stop texting so often then !!!

@MidnightMeltdown it matters because some people value their friendships?

And because a HUGE amount of people belong to the 'I thought I'd replied contingent' and so the act of texting isn't badgering?

Me and my best friend too. It’s lovely and not at all intrusive as we respect each others time

But how long you take to reply to a message isn't an indicator or how much you value a friendship.

If I texted someone and they didn't reply for a day, or even a week, I wouldn't think anything. I would simply assume that they were busy and get on with my life until I hear from them. I certainly wouldn't be sitting there obsessing over all the reasons why they might not have replied.

However, I am secure in my close friendships. They are people I have known for years and I know care for me a lot, and vice versa. I think people who do this sort of thing are insecure and think that if they force someone to engage with them, then it's going to make them like them more, when usually it has the opposite effect.

And so what if they've forgotten to reply? It likely just means they are busy. OP is talking about 'Hi how are you?' type messages, not things that require an urgent response.

@MidnightMeltdown nobody is 'obsessing' just engaging in the thread.

Calm down.

I have friends who double text and I'll double text myself. Some friends will send me maybe 10 messages over the course of a couple of days if I'm not really looking at my phone. They aren't all the same, but there are a lot of them. Doesn't bother me personally, but if it bothers you, maybe just go back with a quick 'I'm come back to you later'.

this thread is mental. Double texting? Lol. Omg you have time to b!tchon mumsnet but not enough time to reply to your friend . And youre then you’re annoyed if she responds again. OP you have some control issues. You want to control her. Simple as that. It makes you feel more important. Friends do not get annoyed because of texts in a row. People DO get annoyed if are telling a long story sending message after message. Lol

How can you be too busy for all that time to just say 'Im busy speak later x' ? or similar.

If you’ve time to read it (2 blue ticks she can see unless turned off) you’ve time for a quick reply even just to say you’re busy and will reply properly later.

Did it harm you in any way?

Harmed her ego. Don't people know how busy and important she is?

I feel your pain! It sounds like she is a bit spoilt. How do you think she would react if you said “hey Sue, I don’t carry my phone with me all the time like you and I have much less free time than you so please don’t double text me, I will reply when I can”. Do you know if she is like this with everyone else?

Seeing adults use the term 'double text' earnestly as if they're teenagers is really making me cringe.