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Original poster

I lent a man money, now he's treating me like crap

274 replies

villainorigin · 19/02/2024 10:37

I'm not concerned he won't pay me back. That part isn't an issue. I know him well and I know all his friends and family,

However, he was all sweetness and light up and keeping in touch many times a day up to the point where he asked to borrow it. I said yes. Since then he's treated me like an after thought. Barely in touch, business-only when we do talk, etc.

I need to do/say SOMETHING about this behaviour as it's outrageous and I don't want to tolerate being treated so badly.

I didn't actually give him money, I bought something on his behalf that I could still cancel, and extreme end of the scale is to cancel it and tell him to go F himself, but we know a lot of the same people and it would be complicated.

I need a more reasonable way to not look like a complete walkover here. I don't want to just let it lie.

If anyone has any advice on what I could say to him to make him know I've clocked into his game, I'd be really grateful.

(Please please don't use the thread to berate me for lending him money etc, that part I have now worked out for myself! Getting it back isn't my worry. My self respect and having him think I haven't noticed, is my worry!)

OP posts:
Original poster
villainorigin · 19/02/2024 10:37

Sorry, I should've said it's a man I'm dating, albeit casually.

OP posts:
gindreams · 19/02/2024 10:38

I would cancel it, why should he use you ?

Brexile · 19/02/2024 10:39

Cancel it and block him

SoRainbowRhythms · 19/02/2024 10:39

I would stop dating him immediately

PickledPurplePickle · 19/02/2024 10:39

Cancel it - he won't repay you

Springisintheair01 · 19/02/2024 10:39

Oh I would definitely cancel it. And tell him why. He’s taking the mick.

rubyslippers · 19/02/2024 10:39

Cancel it
tell him it’s clear he’s been nice so you do this for him
Then block him
who cares what other people think / he’s a shitty person not you

Toooldforthis36 · 19/02/2024 10:40

Suprised you haven't cancelled whatever it is already.

hedgehoglurker · 19/02/2024 10:40

If you are dating and he's behaving coolly now, even more reason to cancel it.

BMW6 · 19/02/2024 10:41

Absolutely cancel it and tell him to get to Fuck!

titchy · 19/02/2024 10:41

Tell him what you've said here - that you have noticed that up to you buying x for him he was polite attentive and appeared genuinely interested in you. Given that now you have bought said item and he has become dismissive and disrespectful
And unreliable, you can only assume that his original behaviour was solely to persuade you to buy x for him. You find this unacceptable to be treated like this and have therefor cancelled the order for the item and blocked him.

AnnieBuddyHere · 19/02/2024 10:42

Honesty, honesty, honesty.

Tell him exactly what you've told us.

Then cancel it and tell him to go fuck himself and use someone else.

VHS1981 · 19/02/2024 10:42

Just cancel it and walk away, what a convoluted way of thinking about things.

StripeyDeckchair · 19/02/2024 10:42

Cancel the item
Block the man

Never lend money, it leads to friction 99% of the time and only CFers ask for loans in the first place.

Daleksatemyshed · 19/02/2024 10:43

He got what he wanted now he's blanking you, the only way to save your money is to cancel the item. He can say what he likes about you after but that shouldn't be your concern, no decent man borrows money from a casual GF

Springisintheair01 · 19/02/2024 10:45

Now you know why he was being nice to you. Very transparent isn’t he?

Spirallingdownwards · 19/02/2024 10:45

He isn't really dating you. He used you to get you to pay. Once he has whatever it is he will dump you and block you anyway.

Cancel whatever it is and get in their first. Don't be the doormat. Take back control.

Prizefighter · 19/02/2024 10:45

Please cancel.

See this for what it is: an assault on your own self-respect.

So you have mutual friends? He has used that against you. So you liked him being attentive? He used that against you? So you have saved some spare money? He’s used that against you.

Spirallingdownwards · 19/02/2024 10:46

If other people have an issue with you cancelling let them know you aren't prepared to be used by anyone and they are welcome to fund it for him if they would like to

muddyford · 19/02/2024 10:46

Just cancel. He's an entitled moron.

StopTheBusINeedAWeeWeeAWeeWeeBagOChips · 19/02/2024 10:48

Just because you know all the same people it doesn't mean he will pay you back, I learned that the hard way some years ago.

Never mix money and dating.

I would cancel the item, not say anything, wait for him to mention it and then tell him that he didn't seem interested in anything bar this financial arrangement, and you weren't looking for that type of a relationship so cancelled it.

Uricon2 · 19/02/2024 10:50

You say you know he'll pay you back, but you also thought he wasn't a total user who would basically dump you when he got what he wanted, or thinks he has.

luckylavender · 19/02/2024 10:51

Just cancel it. Respect yourself.

CatherineCawoodsScarf · 19/02/2024 10:51

How long have you been dating?
Just out of interest. But I agree with all the comments here.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 19/02/2024 10:53

Just cancel it.