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Original poster

I lent a man money, now he's treating me like crap

274 replies

villainorigin · 19/02/2024 10:37

I'm not concerned he won't pay me back. That part isn't an issue. I know him well and I know all his friends and family,

However, he was all sweetness and light up and keeping in touch many times a day up to the point where he asked to borrow it. I said yes. Since then he's treated me like an after thought. Barely in touch, business-only when we do talk, etc.

I need to do/say SOMETHING about this behaviour as it's outrageous and I don't want to tolerate being treated so badly.

I didn't actually give him money, I bought something on his behalf that I could still cancel, and extreme end of the scale is to cancel it and tell him to go F himself, but we know a lot of the same people and it would be complicated.

I need a more reasonable way to not look like a complete walkover here. I don't want to just let it lie.

If anyone has any advice on what I could say to him to make him know I've clocked into his game, I'd be really grateful.

(Please please don't use the thread to berate me for lending him money etc, that part I have now worked out for myself! Getting it back isn't my worry. My self respect and having him think I haven't noticed, is my worry!)

OP posts:
diddl · 19/02/2024 14:41

Can't help thinking that if you are sure he'll pay it back what is the problem?

He has pretended to be nice for the loan & you know that now.

So can't you just dump him when you have the money?

Porfirio · 19/02/2024 14:42

'"Villainorigin said she'd help me with something and then pulled the plug and left me in the shit, just because I didn't text her for a few days...".'

So what?

No one cares. You're more important than idle gossip.

He probably has form for this kind of poor behaviour and mutual acquaintances are more likely to think that you were mad in the first place to pay for something for the nasty actors.

Don't live your life worrying what other people may think as gossip never lasts and they aren't your real friends if they don't support you.

MrsMoastyToasty · 19/02/2024 14:54

Make a claim through the Small Claims Court.

Userengage · 19/02/2024 14:57

You didn’t know he would treat you like this once you lent him the money so how do you know he will pay you back? He most certainly won’t and you’ll be fretting until mid March then chasing him after that and forever more for the “gift of money” that you gave him.

30% now is better than the 0% you’re lined up to receive in March.

Tandora · 19/02/2024 15:02

villainorigin · 19/02/2024 11:25

That he'll pay me when he gets the money in mid March (from a job he just finished - he's a contractor).

It was around £300.

Show quote history

I wouldn’t care what he thinks / says, but since it’s that much money and you can’t get it back , I would leave the order as is and let him (hopefully!) pay you back. Just don’t have any other communication with the guy, other than to facilitate him handing back the money. Dont reach out, don’t be friendly, before or after. Just cut him loose and move on xo

RobinStrike · 19/02/2024 15:04

If you are convinced you will get the money mid-March then wait until he gives you the money back. Then ditch him. In the meantime be very casual about any contact. If/when you get your money back tell him exactly how used you felt, and he will have nothing to complain about to your friends, if you are really concerned about it.

Missmarplesknittingbuddy · 19/02/2024 15:11

End the relationship now .
You may or may not get your money back.
Unless the £300 is a significant amount for you then consider any loss to be a sound investment in your future happiness . It is a small price for seeing who he really is before the relationship goes on any longer .

Herdinggoats · 19/02/2024 15:12

Keep it civil until March, get your money out of him and then sack him off.

Valtine2 · 19/02/2024 15:16

Brexile · 19/02/2024 10:39

Cancel it and block him

This!! And I wouldn't be afraid to let any mutual friends know if they suspected something was off.

NeedToChangeName · 19/02/2024 15:16

Herdinggoats · 19/02/2024 15:12

Keep it civil until March, get your money out of him and then sack him off.

This

CommentNow · 19/02/2024 15:20

Wait for him to pay it back and then dump him.

Hurt his ego and tell him you're really into someone else and then deny it to your friends and say you just werent that into him and he just kept insisting that there must be someone else. Fuck him.

Irridescantshimmmer · 19/02/2024 15:23

The fact that he's blanking you may be a sign he has no intention of giving the money back.

Cancel the order and get a signed note from him in writing to confirm he will pay you back. Once you have this, place the order.

If he fails to pay back what he owes then take him to a small claims court. Your signed note should cover you in case he does not pay you back.

His behaviour is dodgy so cover yourself.

WallaceinAnderland · 19/02/2024 15:24

CommentNow · 19/02/2024 15:20

Wait for him to pay it back and then dump him.

Hurt his ego and tell him you're really into someone else and then deny it to your friends and say you just werent that into him and he just kept insisting that there must be someone else. Fuck him.

Edited

They are not in a relationship.

But OP did get screwed.

amiold · 19/02/2024 15:27

Just stop dating him and get your money in march. Then he can't slag you off but shows you're not being messed around.

Ilovecakey · 19/02/2024 15:30

I would cancel, if you cancel now you are guaranteed 30% of the money back. If you don't cancel there is no guarantee he will pay you so 30% back is better than nothing

bombastix · 19/02/2024 15:32

Cancel

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 19/02/2024 15:42

I never lend a man money whom I'm dating. Even a close male platonic male friend I lent money to and he lent me trainers... it ended badly in the end...

Cancel it and ditch him.

Toooldtocareanymore · 19/02/2024 15:49

Another vote for cancel it- but don't tell him to go fuck himself , no need for others to even know, just say nothing. It sounds like he's shown his true colours, you know what sort of a user he is now he cant even be polite or nice to someone doing him a favour, how likely is saying something to him going to work out? you don't want to be a pushover then dont, cancel it, it won't cause agro for others. And if he comes back, suddenly all sweet, to ask what happened, then tell him the truth you are not a pushover and you dont do favours for people that treat you so badly and you don't believe he would pay you back.

Maray1967 · 19/02/2024 15:52

titchy · 19/02/2024 10:41

Tell him what you've said here - that you have noticed that up to you buying x for him he was polite attentive and appeared genuinely interested in you. Given that now you have bought said item and he has become dismissive and disrespectful
And unreliable, you can only assume that his original behaviour was solely to persuade you to buy x for him. You find this unacceptable to be treated like this and have therefor cancelled the order for the item and blocked him.

This. Clear and correct.

Stop worrying about what other people think. If any ask, tell them the reason.

BobbyBiscuits · 19/02/2024 15:54

You say you are not worried about getting the money back? As in you can afford to lose it? I would be worried he was never gonna pay me and the whole 'dating' thing was a ruse to extract me from my finances.
He's clearly rude AF even if there is some sort of normal reason for this (I can't think of any) other than he's embarrassed he has not got the funds yet to pay you and feels like he can only talk properly once he's paid. This seems unlikely and is not conducive to a very sexually appealing romance is it?
So yeah, I would cancel it, text him to say so and block him.

beAsensible1 · 19/02/2024 15:55

Cancel it, don’t say anything and see if his behaviour changes after it doesn’t arrive.

are you dating ?

And so what if you know similar people, if they ask say it was delayed and they offered you a refund which you took as he was being a bastard.

LAMPS1 · 19/02/2024 15:57

So he charmed you into liking him enough to pay out £300 on his behalf whereupon he became distant and rude. You have learned your lesson already I can see. So what to do ?

Casually let him know by text that the order has gone through OK and that you look forward to receiving the £300 back in your bank by the mid-March date just as he promised. Do that today. I suspect he won’t be in touch again after that but if he does ask to see you, I would tell him you are busy at work at the moment, - or make some other excuse not to see him. Keep your cool and keep your distance until mid-March and you have your money back.

No point antagonising him in my opinion…nothing gained at all as you are right, it would cause drama which sets tongues wagging and which it seems you can do without as long as you get your money back -which is your priority.
If he doesn’t pay it back as originally promised, take him to small claims court. In fact, make sure you are up to speed on how to do that asap.
And then you can let his family and friends know what you think of him if and when they ask.

N0Tfunny · 19/02/2024 15:57

StripeyDeckchair · 19/02/2024 10:42

Cancel the item
Block the man

Never lend money, it leads to friction 99% of the time and only CFers ask for loans in the first place.

This in a nutshell.

Jacqui2468 · 19/02/2024 16:01

Ask him to pay you the £300 or take whatever it is you bought from him, tell him what you think of him and say bye. Kindness is the most important quality in someone and clearly he's completely unappreciative of yours.

Testina · 19/02/2024 16:01

Well you can’t cancel, so wait until mid March (with no availability until then) get your money back, then dump him.

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