To want a 3rd child?

[broodybaby85]

I turn 39 this year. I have 2 children already with a large age gap (eldest turns 18 this year and youngest is almost 3). Been with my partner for almost 19 years (he's not the eldest's father).

I know my age will go against me, but I cannot shake the feeling that I want to do it "one last time". However, I also know that with 2 children already and the age gap, there are many cons to adding another.

Please Mumsnet, talk me out of this and help me to just be happy with the two beautiful children I have and get over with my longing for a third?? 😭

Maybe I need to see some of those cons in black and white?! 😂

TYPO! Been with my partner for 9 years, not 19!

I have three and I wouldn’t change a thing. Sorry OP 🤣

However, you will need a new car.

@Apollo365 😂 nooooo! This is off to a bad start 😂

Can I ask what your age was when you had the 3rd?

Possibly but... eldest will be driving and have her own car by end of this year (she's well into driving lessons currently), and is planning to finish her A Levels and go to uni, so with her becoming more independent I'm not sure if we would need a new car?

Your oldest is practically an adult so it's only 2 kids that actually need childcare etc. Go for it.

32 with my third. Honestly it didn’t make a huge difference to much as they are quite close in age and I still had all the stuff. (Aside from car as we couldn’t get the seats in).
My third was unplanned and for me abortion wasn’t an option (no judgment on anyone else of course).
I would however think, what if you did have twin?

I agree with @AhBiscuits. Also your middle one would only be 4 so that’s a lovely age gap.

Sorry we are supposed to be putting you off….

Thanks for your opinions, you're actually swaying me the opposite way to what I intended with the thread - I'm being talked into it rather than out of it 😂

What about my age though? 39 in a few months. Am I too old? 😭

😂

Are you in good health? How did your other pregnancies and births go? I know a lot of friends who are on the fence can be influenced by these things esp any potential toll it could take on your physical / mental health.

How did you find previous pregnancies? How unwell were you? How was the birth etc etc.
Are you generally well?

I would say I underestimated how hard on my body it would be.

Cross post with @LauritaEvita there sorry

I have three. I'm 42. He's 2 now. My eldest is 15. My third was unplanned. I did find it difficult but I think that was because I was ready for my life to take a different turn (2nd was 4 when he was born and off to school)

I was looking forward to a bit of freedom. I was the fittest did ever been. I was about to retrain at work.

We needed a new car. Holidays are a lot more expensive and you tend to need 2 rooms in most places now he's no longer a baby (we holiday a lot so have felt the pinch on the holiday budget). Financially it meant another 2 years of nursery costs (£18k!)
We lost the spare room in our house.

Sounds like some of that won't affect you due to the age of your eldest. (Babysitter if they don't move away for Uni!)

But I wouldn't change it for the world. He's a darling and completed our family.

Great minds 😆

Ok so, I had my eldest at 21 and that was mostly an OK pregnancy and the birth was straightforward and non eventful.

My second at 35 however was a whole different story. I had severe sickness and was in hospital a couple times with vomiting, however it did subside by week 18-20 ish. Latter part of my 2nd pregnancy I was completely exhausted, way more than I remember feeling with my first. And the birth was also more complicated as my youngest was back to back and also got stuck during labour so had to have emergency assisted delivery in theatre which was very traumatic.

However, with 3 years distance from all of that, I think I've maybe forgotten just how much it took its toll on me? My mental health dipped somewhat after my 2nd was born, but I think that was very much linked to the traumatic birth. My partner was so great and supportive though, and we'd both be better equipped this time having gone through that once before?

Re the health thing I had 2 previous healthy pregnancies/planned CS (breech)

My third I struggled. Serious anaemia which required infusions. 5 weeks premature with a 2 week hospital stay. I don't know if that was because of my age though ? 39/40. I was very fit/well when I fell pregnant.

It affected my other 2. It was also during covid so I couldn't have as much support from family

I literally HATE it when people say abortion just wasn't an option for me! if you are religious fine but dont you think it will make people feel bad for making that decision.

Ha sorry can’t help, we had another after already having much older children from previous relationships. Then went on to have another (4 year gap) and wonderful seeing the bond between them, days out and holidays wouldn’t be the same without each other. Only thing can say is definitely harder work 😅 but feels worth it for us but then some of my DC friends have only one and they seem to be happy and perhaps get more opportunities for holidays, activities etc and more relaxed parents so is swings and roundabouts

"I literally HATE it when people say abortion just wasn't an option for me! if you are religious fine but dont you think it will make people feel bad for making that decision."

She literally said no judgment? For some women the guilt would be too much that abortion isn't an option for them. Doesn't mean to say they don't agree with other peoples decision to terminate.

And for others it wouldn't be as they are heartless?

I just dont think it needed to be said

Ok, on the flip side? You don't know what's going to happen, what kind of pregnancy, birth or child you will have. You'll need to do some financial planning, and ensure that you can still be an effective parent to the others - even a young adult. 39 isn't too old. It's the other factors really. Is it a nice idea of another baby? Or is it a larger family you want, with all the attendant issues, good and bad?
Oh and everyone with three children is bound to say it's brilliant, wouldn't have it any other way etc, but only you know about your life and what you can realistically cope with, in every sense.

Why should it? I am 100% pro-choice in that I think that abortion should be free, safe and legal. I would still never have one myself unless not doing so would mean that I died or for some other medical reason. That is what being pro-choice means. Oh, and I am also not remotely religious. I just would feel bad about having an abortion if I didn't medically need one. It doesn't mean I judge women who don't feel that way.

Thanks it was because I was past the cut off but I did clearly say that I made no judgement on anyone else. Sorry you are having a bad day.