To want a 3rd child?

[broodybaby85]

I turn 39 this year. I have 2 children already with a large age gap (eldest turns 18 this year and youngest is almost 3). Been with my partner for almost 19 years (he's not the eldest's father).

I know my age will go against me, but I cannot shake the feeling that I want to do it "one last time". However, I also know that with 2 children already and the age gap, there are many cons to adding another.

Please Mumsnet, talk me out of this and help me to just be happy with the two beautiful children I have and get over with my longing for a third?? 😭

Maybe I need to see some of those cons in black and white?! 😂

I am 37 due No.2 and will be hopefully all goes well trying for 3rd and maybe 4th so will be most likely in my 40's not by choice I found DH later in life.
Totally personal and not about age at all. A lot of women ate having kids later in life due to circumstances out of their control.

You’re only 39! I was 47 the last time I thought about having a third child 😂😂I didn’t - but I think I would have done at your age. You cannot compare yourself to anyone else. I was 37 when I had my second child and would have had more if my marriage had continued or I’d found a new partner. Really look at why you want another child. All I would say is - you are not too old - as long as you BOTH want it. But if it would put a strain on your partner/finances/career that would trouble you - think again.

I was 37 with my first and 40 with my second… yes the second felt harder but I’m sure everyone says that when they have their second 🤷🏼‍♀️. They keep me young and on my toes, go for it if it’s what you want. Keep us posted on your decision 😃

I'd give it a try. (actually we are, I'm 42). It's possible the window has closed and you won't be able to have one anymore, but you'll only know once you've tried. IF you do fall pregnant, you'll find a way to make it work. But that way you won't regret coulda-shoulda-situation forever.

Why not? I was 39 when I had my 2nd. It was just fine. Your oldest is basically an adult. Your middle child would get a sibling close in age to play with.

If you really want to go for it, you're not too old and sound in a good position but....what I would say it is don't lol. I had my second last year, I'm 36 so was same age you were when you had yours. I'm exhausted which I think you do forget as time passes and it's much harder with another young one about. I love my kids and wouldn't change it but I have felt totally worn down with 2. I don't sleep well, and I really struggle with the baby and 5 year old together (4 when baby was born) ,she has struggled with the adjustment. Quite frankly it's been hell at times! It would be a lot for you and hard work, no walk in the park at all. Try and ignore those hormones!

I had my second baby older than you would be. It was fine! No worse than having a baby at any age and I don't feel/look particularly older than DC's friends parents. (I'm not, mostly.)

If you want a third then go for it. Definitely not too old. I was 43 when I had my third xxx

OP, re the toll of pregnancy: I had 2 in my mid 30s, easy peasy pregnancies. 3rd at 40, nearly 41. It was so knackering, I couldn't believe how I'd got through my second one with a 1 year old (he turned 2 a few weeks after DC2 was born). In your position, I would speak to a professional before you make any decisions.
Once DC3 was born, it was fine - adorable child, slotted in like a dream. I don't love still doing school run in my mid50s, losing half my weekend to football, dealing with another teenager. It has cost more but we reused practically everything and eldest is now independent so not awful.

My mother had me when she was forty but only looked thirty and was always brilliant for her age. She passed at 86 I just wish I’d had her longer like my friends still have theirs.

We had a third when I was 41. They are lovely and such fun. The only downside I would say is the big age gap between them and the others which I think they regret. That won't be the case with you though. I'd say go for it!

Someone I work with and his wife decided to have a third child - they had triplets! He jokes about sharing his house with 6 women (the triplets are 11 now) but his girls are his pride and joy and he and his wife have no regrets. I had four children aged 11 to 17 when we decided on a fifth and I'm so glad I did (I was 38) though I was shattered all the time. Would you be OK with twins - or more?

I had my third at 40 and my fourth at 42. My other two were still small at the time. Honestly, I was absolutely knackered all the time. I had probably underestimated how much extra work it would be, and how much less energy I had to deal with them. We did save money by recycling clothes and other stuff (I certainly had my money's worth out of the pushchair) but life is a lot more expensive with each child. It's not just the early years either. Driving lessons. Clubs. University. Holidays. All that stuff. And the organisation is much more work.

I had my son in my early 40’s - with no problems. I’m active, so looking after a baby and running after a toddler, wasn't a big deal. I see quite a few mums at school around my age, so it doesn’t feel particularly odd and I don’t get mistaken for his gran! If you had older children, you might want to think - starting all over again. Your little one is only 3 though, nice age gap 😃

38.5 year old new mum here… definitely considering my 2nd. You’re not too old, go for it!

My friend decided to try for number 3 at 38.
She had twins.

I had my 3rd at 40 so don’t see that as an issue. Be nice for the 3 year old to have a sibling closer in age

I’m 38 this year and currently pregnant. This will be my first. We’ve been trying for 2 years now and had 2 losses, so fingers crossed this one sticks. I say go for it, if that’s what you want. You may end up regretting it if you don’t and by then it might be too late.

I don't think you're too old - I'm TTC right now and I'll be 39 soon.

And actually, when I went to my doc as I thought it was taking too long, she wasn't worried about my age! Said I was very fit and healthy (and already had a successful pregnancy). Everyone different of course and no guarantee but don't let age put you off.

Good luck, I think you should have another 😂

It won’t be same as others talking about having three children. You will be three adults and two small children which is easier. I think it’s nice for the little one to have a sibling closer in age to them. I was 39 when I had my first and 42 with my second. Probably more tiring than being younger but if you want a third one go ahead.

Do it! I had my third at 39, because I knew I wasn’t done. She’s now 5 and an absolute joy. I know I would have always regretted it if I hadn’t had her. And now I know I’m done!

Can you afford a third child?

I had my first child at 37 and my second at 40. I’d love a third but I’m 46 now and just discovered I’ve lived with adhd all my life unknowingly until last year and I’m perimeno now too. Thats an interesting thing, perimenopause with young children.
It was hell on earth but thankfully hrt sorted the rage out.
If you can afford it and your husband is on board then I say go for it!!

I think some are treating it as a trend to be the older mum.
When your having a baby and your knocking on 50 i think its fair to say wtf you doing it for.
I see some in their 20s 30s early 40s with a baby it think oh that so cute so sweet.
I see others and think is that nan.

I had my first and only pregnancy at 43 - with twins. It was all smooth and I can't imagine life without them. Went back for the remaining frozen embryo two years later but it didn't take - but I would have been over the moon if it had. I really wouldn't worry about your age just on principle.

But if your last pregnancy was tricky then maybe another would be too? Is it worth asking your GP/consultant/midwife? Also bear in mind there are other risks with 'geriatric' pregnancies - how would you feel about a child with a genetic disorder for example? And lastly - will three be enough? Would you then start hankering for a fourth? I'm sure any and all children will be hugely loved - but we all have to stop somewhere.......

I wish you luck with whatever you decide.