the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

I think dads being able to stay is a good thing, for women who have to stay over night being left on their own to look after themselves and a newborn while the dad gets to go home and get a good nights sleep doesn't exactly feel fair.

Even more so with all the shortages of staff, any extra help overnight can be a good thing. I hated being in hospital overnight on my own with a newborn, after a c section, i had to buzz everytime for a nurse to pick my baby up, if my husband haf been allowed to stay then i wouldn't have had to keep asking them

I can see both sides in this argument. Maybe when you were in hospital you may have felt safer with your partner with you to help you with those things as we all know hospital staff don't help.

I think hospital wards for adults should be single sex, preferably for older children as well. Anything else is madness. There will have to be provision for people entitled to a carer staying with them but not just through choice. And there should be sufficient staff to enable this to happen. Visiting hours should be enforced so people can get some rest too!

Haven't seen the petition, do you have a link? If it's to allow men round the clock access to maternity wards, no thanks. If nothing else, they would of course use the ward loos and they were bad enough with only other women using them, never mind blokes weeing on the seat / floor. Add the additional noise and awkward gaps in curtains while some new mums try to establish breastfeeding, hard pass.

That's kind of the point though. I could barely sit up to feed my baby after my c-section and it was a godsend having my husband there.

I know some men are shits but I struggle to think any man who stays overnight to support his wife is going to have the inclination, or even the time, to go round harassing other women.

YABU.

Yanbu, they don’t need to be there.

People like to assume their husband will be helpful and respectful but the reality is the men are often in the bed snoring, with the mother sitting in the chair, crying, trying to feed a screaming baby! And if they’re not asleep, they’re playing on their phones annoying everyone else.
(From my experience of working in maternity for 10 years plus)

Urgh I hate it.
Walking around in their pants, sitting in bed while wife in the chair, chatting on phone all hours.
You can expect equal measures of helpful versus bloody nuisance im afraid.
And who wants to be vulnerable with just a curtain between you and an unknown man. I think it's awful.

I think it's a terrible idea. Hobbling to the toilet to wash the blood off, while wheeling along a bag of my urine, isn't really something I wanted an audience for.

I had two sections (emergency and elective) and managed to look after baby without buzzing midwives. I appreciate everyone is different.

It's all very 'not my Nigel'. Controlling, abusive men want to be glued to their partners as well as supportive ones.

Single sex for anywhere there is likely to be vulnerability and states of undress, thanks.

I can see both sides. If the UK NHS was able to provide the care women need post-birth, then partners wouldn't be needed.

I gave birth to DC1 in a UK hospital by CS and during the hours when DH wasn't there, I was totally unable to do anything to help my baby and no one came when I buzzed. It was soul destroying.

I gave birth to DC2 alone in Ireland and the ward was closed due to Covid outbreak, so no visitors at all or partners. I was really apprehensive about this but it was fine because the staffing was about double what you get in the UK, the wards were 4 not 6 in a ward, and they helped with things like taking the babies off you sometimes so you could have a break.

So IDK which is better but they either need to staff maternity wards properly and have significantly more time to help you post-birth OR allow partners to do that for you and engage them in taking care of their own children 24/7 from day 1. I don't care which they do but the current system is awful in the UK.

I don't care about random men sleeping near me so much as 60 billion visitors allowed during the day and having random blokes sitting on the end of my bed gawking at me while I'm trying to BF my baby due to ridiculously lax "as many as you like" visitor rules.

As someone who had severe PSTD around all men when I had my first child this would have been my worst nightmare. It was bad enough trying to breastfeed and having the dad in the bay next to me keep opening the curtain to try and start a conversation. I didn't expect my husband to be able to stay even though I needed the emotional support because some other woman might have been feeling the same way about my husband as I would about theirs.

Dads were allowed overnight on the postnatal ward when I had my last child. It was awful. I was bleeding all over the place trying to get to the toilet. The bloke’s chair was pushed right over “cubical boundary” so the curtain was right over and he snored throughout.

This is being done purely to plug the gap in nursing services…

Hahaha!!

I remember my exH being able to stay overnight at the midwife unit I gave birth in. I thought the same as you.

Nope. When I needed painkillers in the middle of the night and noone was answering the buzzer, ExH was sleeping blissfully. I had to walk to the nursing station.

Nurses were inherently lazier more hands off because the "dads were there to help".

It's difficult, I was really frightened and absolutely needed my dh with as there was a last minute panic about dd's heartbeat. I don't think I could've gone through that alone. I do understand some womens point of view though, I suppose ideally there would be separate wards for those who do and don't want visitors allowed to stay. However I think it is unlikely this would be workable given the current state of things.

The petition should be to increase the staffing and levels of care on the wards. I don’t want men staying overnight if I’m in a vulnerable state in hospital.

I found it so hard not having my husband there overnight. I can see why some women wouldn’t like it however.

I personally find the concept
of open wards with just curtains separating beds very odd anyway (and not just in maternity). Dads are always allowed as visitors anyway so women are still exposed to men being there when they are vulnerable.

The answer to me is that wards should all be individual rooms, like in private hospitals, and wards need much more staff so women aren’t dependent on their partner to help look after the newborn. I wouldn’t have minded my husband having a decent nights sleep at home if there were enough staff to come promptly when I needed help. However, as both these things need money, they won’t happen.

When I stayed in hospital after giving birth, I was absolutely exhausted but I couldn't get any rest because the woman in the next bed had her partner with her who talked to her or on his phone all night.
I felt anxious about having a new baby, exhausted and vulnerable. I didn't feel I could complain or ask him to please be quiet.

I got out of the hospital ASAP after my second.

A compromise would be if hospitals could have bays where men were allowed to stay and bays they weren't.
There's what? 6 beds in a bay? So women who want their partners there can all stay in the men overnight bays and other bays would be strictly no men outside normal visiting hours and there would be clearly marked areas the men can go and areas they can't. Eg they can't wander up and down the whole ward or go into other bays and they should use the visitor toilet only.

Luckily only had a short stint on the postnatal ward very recently but it was awful and mainly because of the men! My partner went home once we had our boy to rest and freshen up whilst the other men snored or like another poster mentioned, one dad had their chair so far back it was practically in my bay and touching the cot!

It's hot enough and all the extra bodies is a big no from me 🙈

Exactly this !

I think that they need different wards - one that allows partners, the other not allowing partners.

My husband was really lovely at the time I gave birth and obviously it would have been nice for me if he could have stayed. However he went home and he cleaned the house, got food in, got plenty of sleep and was ready for when I returned.

The ward I was on had four women and it was a really lovely atmosphere. I was in for a week. Everyone helped each other and we all needed quiet times on our own as well as a chat with others. The idea of there being four men in the constantly would be a bloody nightmare. There wasn't enough privacy as it was in terms of breastfeeding but it didn't matter when there were only women as your audience. I noticed when there were men on the ward that they could not resist looking through gaps in curtains at women breastfeeding. I remember going to the bathroom covered in blood and gunk and I would not have felt comfortable doing that with other men in the ward. I also remember standing up and my breast squirting milk all over the place. Again I would've absolutely hated that if men were there.

The only time it might work as if there are single rooms with ensuite facilities.

I do think though that many many men who have been sleeping on a chair for a night or two will want to get into bed when he gets home and will leave it up to the women to do the work.

In my experience, dad's on wards are 70% helpful to their partners and 30% arseholes who should be banned. And 70% of the helpful ones are only helpful to their own partners and really inconsiderate to the women who are on their own. Things like racing to the front of the meal queue and taking the cold water while overtaking the women who are shuffling down the ward. Although to be honest it was the non partner visitors I would have had banned. Like the grandad who pulled open everyone's curtains or the granny who loudly speculated about why I was there without a baby.