the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

2 x CS one traumatic and one good. The 1st (16yrs ago today :-) I desperately needed my DH. He managed to stay until about 2am but was then sent home and not allowed back u you 2pm! That night and morning were the worst of my life! I would have done anything to have DH there. However I do understand that not all men are capable willing to take that support role.
my 2nd CS was wonderful but the lack of support in hospital still led to me discharging is after 24hrs! I needed to be home with the support of my husband. Maybe I would have felt differently if either my DH could have stayed or if I received better support on ward.

Definitely a bad idea for all the reasons previous posters noted. I hated having men on the wards - most were badly behaved, loud, disinterested. One got into a fight with his partner and had to be removed by security.

I do appreciate that some women who have had difficult labours or c-sections might need more support. Perhaps the solution is to divvy up the wards so women in this category are put in the same room and the nursing team are expected to give them more care/attention?

For those women saying they 'need their DP', 'need the support', or 'can't imagine a first night with baby without my husband', you've got to be less codependent. Let's be honest, no matter how supportive a partner, you are often on your own as a mother, both literally and figuratively. So these first few nights alone with the baby are really the start of many, many more nights on your own.

This is what I wrote earlier about a man doing a tiktok live on the ward. Absolutely disgusting behaviour

I'm so sorry that was your experience. But, I would have been on at the staff to ensure things were happening. I've done the meek thing, but as I got older, I realised that only when I made a fuss, that things happened. The more I made a fuss, the more things were done properly.

I hope things are ok now.

100% agree xx

I certainly wouldn’t agree to it if staffing levels were higher.
And Nurses answered the buzzer
And There was quick support if you needed help to the loo, I’m sure some will remember incontinence issues. Etc
And Help to lift baby and so on.

Many women patients suffering and looking after another human being is something that only is expected of patients on maternity wards.

But if levels were higher and action better then women wouldn’t need the extra help and partners wouldn’t need to stay over.

They wouldn't need to but once there is a status quo established it's hard to go back. If men have been allowed to stay overnight for years it won't get changed back.

I did request support and complain about the situation but nothing was done. The lady opposite had numerous pots of urine sat on the side for hours waiting to be tested but was ignored despite asking on many occasions for it to be dealt with. She actually pulled her own IV line out after asking for over a day for it to be removed and ignored. The lady in the corner had a baby that cried 24 7 and when she requested help she was abruptly told that they were too busy. I could see her mental health deteriorate before her eyes. That was 14 years ago so can’t even been blamed on the current Government. NHS maternity services have been shocking for a very long time.

We changed the system of babies in the nursery and mums on the wards.
We now allow men to be at the birth
It seems to be constantly evolving

Just waiting for transwomen to give birth and head to the wards

It never seems to evolve in ways that are good for women.

I wouldn't want to stay on a ward overnight with other male patients. Therefore I also don't want to stay on a ward overnight with men. I wouldn't even want the female helpers some have suggested. In general, I don't want anyone overnight who isn't also a patient. We should reform healthcare so that women aren't left inadequately cared for by staff.

This thread is nearly at a close. If there's one thing we can all agree on it's that women and babies are getting a dangerously raw deal in postnatal services.

This needs to be an issue the government is pushed on.

https://www.parliament.uk/get-involved/contact-an-mp-or-lord/contact-your-mp/

THIS. ^ We need much better care for women who are giving birth/have just had a baby, not other womens husbands languishing around on the bloody maternity ward overnight! NO woman who has just given birth wants some other woman's random man hanging around her while she is vulnerable and afraid and in pain, possibly with a catheter, no underpants on, and breasts out breastfeeding.

And the Not My Nigels can blather on about how THEIR husband would not be looking/is not interested in leering at other women, but some men ARE like that. So statistically, there will definitely be some pervy, leery men within a few feet of vulnerable, almost-naked women in hospital (women who are worried and anxious.)

There will also very likely be a few men who will take the opportunity to assault these women who have recently given birth.

I kind of agree. I understand some women would want the father there but it is only a curtain separating us unless it's your own private room.

Yep exactly. 'Janet' wants her 'Nigel' there, to keep her company, and 'help' her (help with what exactly? He's not a doctor or midwife!) Well JANET'S desires and wants do not trump the desires and wants of 'Lucy' (3 feet away behind a curtain,) who is on her own, in pain, vulnerable, and anxious. Even moreso with some random woman's fucking MAN sniffing around 24/7.

Moreover, even if Janet and Nigel have a room to themselves, Nigel is still going to want to leave that private room sometimes. Particularly to use the bathroom and toilet, so he will be wandering around the ward! As I said, no woman who has just given birth wants to encounter some random bloke pootling around in his slippers and pyjama bottoms, going for his morning shit. And particularly not if she is in a sheer nightie/near naked and slippers and feeling sore and anxious and vulnerable.

Having random strange men stop over in hospitals with women who have given birth is a fucking HORRIBLE idea. It must never EVER happen!

I’m a solo mum. I didn’t have a partner. I also had an emergency caesarean and it was nearly midnight when I was wheeled back to the ward. I was still paralysed from the waist down but had all the baby’s stuff on one bag. I asked for this to be on my Overbed wheeled table. I push Ed myself up to sit and could lean over baby in his cot. It wasn’t easy but it was doable after an EMCS with heart problems, anaemia and an infection so I’m sure other women can manage too.

Unfortunately a fair proportion of men are 'pervs' and abusive. So many women are sexually assaulted and raped.

I was thinking about the comments of 'if men gave birth,maternity unit would be better staffed/funded. And I'm not convinced that's true for a couple reasons

• men are Dads so gave a vested interest in good care being available for their wife and children. My husband would have moved heaven and earth to ensure we got what we needed
• a women in my NCT group was a Labour MP, she paid over £10,000 to give birth in the Lindo Wing (where Princess Catherine had hers). So those in power, be they male or female, Labour or Tory, are often not being exposed to the challenges in maternity care provision experienced by many of us. If they were, they might be more inclined to change things! It did make me laugh though as she gave speeches criticising the 'elite' and pretending to be 'one of the common people'

Exactly. The naivete and ignorance from some posters on here, both astounds me and sickens me in equal measures. How DARE some women assume their man should be allowed because he is 'actually really nice.' And to hell with other women and how uncomfortable this random strange man will make them feel!

OTHER WOMEN do not know your man, and they should not have his company and presence forced up on them, all through the night, when they are asleep/trying to sleep, getting up and down the loo, and feeling very anxious and vulnerable. As I - and many others have said - they especially do not want strange men at such an extremely vulnerable and anxiety-inducing time.

Also, as I said earlier, the Not My Nigel women may think their bloke is the epitome of wonderful and innocent, but no woman ever really knows her own man 100%, and you don't know what he may be capable of with vulnerable women sleeping not too far from him. The likelihood of some woman's husband doing anything to a strange woman is slim, but it's not impossible. Most women wouldn't be able to sleep properly knowing some strange random bloke is hanging around!

Yes I agree with you. Please post the link as I'd like to sign it.

Do you mean day or night? I gave birth a few months ago and dads could arrive at 10am (if I remember rightly) until around 8pm. Other visitors were very limited during visiting hour (literally an hour). I had a vaginal birth but was in hospital for a week.

The experience of my cousins and friends who have delivered in NHS hospitals in the UK shows that there is a big difference between theory and reality when it comes to bathroom use.

And the bathroom doesn't come to you - you having to walk past a ward full of men to get to the loo when you might have stained your gown with blood or soaked it with milk - this really isn't great.

The idea among clinicians that women benefit from having other new mothers around them - is there evidence to support this?

Or is it just an ex post facto defense of the physical situation inherited from Victorian days when hospitals were first built, when caesareans were rare, babies were whisked off to nurseries overnight, and women spent over a week in hospital after they delivered, with plenty of nurses to care for them?

Currently, lacking all of that - things have chanfed drastically - what about safety, sleep, privacy, and hygiene?

What about post surgical wards - is the presence of other patients in women's or men's post surgical wards supposed to give a boost to their spirits? Do families routinely stay overnight to give basic care after gallbladder / hernia/ appendix surgery?

Dads staying would be fine if all the rooms were private and en suite. My DH stayed when I was readmitted after birth with a serious infection. Just from 10pm till 4/5am when he woke and left to go and get stuff etc. I’d been put in my own room though so he wasn’t disturbing anyone. I wish he’d been there after birth as I was seriously sleep deprived, the midwife sent me home with medication labeled incorrectly and when I answered her questions I thought I was in prison and had to say yes to it all to escape. Could have done with someone sensible with me! Baby 2 it was awful, in for 5 days and needing to sleep but everyone else had visitors or felt the need to phone everyone they knew with birth details. Squeezing past strangers to get to toilet with blood running down your leg is not fun. Ban all visitors!!

What about the men 'not in their right mind'?
We need to campaign for more staff on the wards and more single rooms for those who need their DH/DPs with them. From the PP here it's those having C sections particularly that need the extra help at night. No men allowed unless it's a single room.
Until this happens then any bad behaviour from men needs challenging by matrons/security and they need to be made to leave if they aren't behaving. Other mothers need to be respectful of others too. No music TV without headphones. This should be achievable without too much cost, if there's a will.

My partner got sent home 3 hours after my daughter was born (not C-section but I had loads of stitches) and it was horrible. Imagine being separated from your child just after they are born and for me it was hard for me to sit up and look after her. He ended up having to stop on the drive home as he was falling asleep. He wasn't allowed on the ward due to COVID so I discharged myself first thing the next morning.

Also there are mixed wards in NHS hospitals anyway. My sister had an operation and she was sharing a ward with 2 men and 2 other women and herself. You've got a curtain for privacy.