the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

I just had an emergency c section and was in absolute agony. The 12 overnight hours where my husband was not allowed on the ward were a hellish nightmare of having to look after our baby alone whilst in extreme pain, feeling beyond exhausted and frightened. Having my husband overnight with me would have meant that I had the support I desperately needed. I think it's barbaric that women are expected to look after babies alone after major abdominal surgery on nothing more than paracetamol and ibuprofen. After three nights we discharged ourselves because I couldn't cope any more. I hadn't even been able to shower, no one had changed my bedsheets which were covered in blood and sweat and I hadn't slept as I'd stay awake through the night and then the nurses and catering staff were waking me every hour of the day to poke and prod. Worst experience of my life.

Part of me wanting a home birth was the trauma from the post natal ward first time around (no men allowed to stay then). It is hell on earth. How you are expected to recover and rest with how noisy they are and the staffing now is so much worse than when my first was born. I got blue lighted in to ICU after a PPH at my home birth, but I still would have another home birth if I had another one (it's not going to happen as I am done in that department!) as I still can't stomach the post natal ward.

I think the petition is looking at the wrong things like others have said. Look at staffing and also private rooms for all mums and it might help a lot more than just banning men. The private rooms don't have to be all fancy en suite rooms necessarily. Just an actual wall and a door where the curtains are now!

On a 6-8 bed ward only separated by a flimsy curtain? Absolutely fucking not.

I’m very privileged and have never experienced any kind of trauma or abuse, but even so I felt so, so vulnerable after giving birth. So what about woman who do have a difficult past, or religious women who need a single sex space?

The answer to this is properly staffed wards, not papering over the cracks by inviting men in. That’s what this petition should be about.

If this becomes the norm, it’s a slippery slope down to family members being expected to maintain a 24/7 presence on less happy wards to ensure their relatives get a decent level of care. Being expected to stay with elderly relatives on stroke or dementia wards to ensure they eat or get their pads changed- and you can bet it won’t be the menfolk signing up for that.

Yanbu. I found the almost constant presence of men deeply uncomfortable. Particularly given I was bleeding a lot and trying to establish breastfeeding

And the girl in the bed next to me had a huge row with her husband and then they were quite clearly having make up sex behind the curtains

When I moved to a postnatal unit with all private rooms I didn't mind so much but actually I think most of our husbands left us and we all had a lounge area we could sit and chat in and it was much nicer

Do US hospitals allow candy stripers in to post partum wards? I can see the NHS needing to rely on vetted volunteers to support new mums.

Great idea to have dads there BUT only if EVERY room is a private with an ensuite. That’s the only way it would work and benefit all

As per my post I was made to keep my curtains open. (I kept closing them and they kept whipping them back open) It was horrible

At our hospital, only those with individual rooms could have their husbands stay overnight with them, could pay a fee to secure one of these. After a horrendous experience with first baby of a bay with really long visiting hours of 7am to 11pm, I paid the money 2nd time round for my own room. The long visiting hours was bad enough,I couldn't imagine having visitors in the ward overnight too, so my vote would be no, Dads/birthday partners shouldn't be allowed to stay overnight, unless it's in a private room. If a very specific need (disability, post c section etc, were allocated a private room for free)

YANBU - bearing in mind the number of posts we see from women in maternity wards seriously upset about men being allowed to stay overnight.

with both my DC my husband stayed overnight and my mum sat with me during the day( far too old and arthritic to sleep on the floor) I barely saw a medical professional despite being kept in due to infection both times.

I could barely walk with pgp, I also had a seizure disorder and known flight risk from wards - having escaped from other non maternity wards in the hospital. We asked for 1:1 care, not possible and based on the risk assessments bringing my DH and DMum in to keep me safe and the babies safe was the only solution. I was always allocated a private room due to large number of trigger for seizures in hospital.

I do feel there needs to be space for both birthing mothers only and partner + birthing mothers within the hospital.

Not everyone who has needs can afford private care, we couldn’t- the problem is women and babies are not getting differentiated care.

They manage it all over the world like the USA or Australia where private rooms are the norm!

This is true, I think most hospitals do this for safety reasons.

I would sign a petition for female family/friends/mothers help to be allowed longer/overnight visiting to help support and take pressure off staff, with men allowed only in private rooms.

I do not agree with men staying when other women are in the same room feeling vulnerable.

I had a bad birth experience, was in pain, exhausted and starving as no one cared to help me get a plate when my legs were still wobbly from the epidural or to wake me up when the food trolley was there.

The solution for this is not having men acting as nurses in the wards, it is having a better service.

I think this is one answer and a better one than allowing men overnight.

Not totally ideal as the best solution is more private rooms and adequate staffing but I think a lot of older women would be willing to volunteer to act as be-frienders and help with non medical support (DBS checked obviously).

Although the NHS have a very loose definition of the words women and female so there's a whole can of worms waiting to be opened with such a scheme.

What my dd found so difficult post partum was not the men’s presence, but a lot of very loud talk and laughter well after patients were trying to sleep, not to mention smelly fast food being brought in.

Such people should be made to leave if they don’t know how to behave. We need old-style dragon-matrons back again!

I think the point is why do we leave babies with women who have likely been up all night, in pain, possibly on meds etc etc

The midwives also do not do enough at all.
My baby screamed the whole night. I arrived after cut off for visitors

I think dads being able to stay is a good thing, for women who have to stay over night being left on their own to look after themselves and a newborn while the dad gets to go home and get a good nights sleep doesn't exactly feel fair.

@Youcancallmeirrelevant I was relieved that one of us was well-rested, tbh. 🤷

I’d have hated men on the ward. I still struggle with ptsd from a sexual assault years ago and this would have been incredibly traumatic during such a vulnerable time for me.

Personally I’d prefer single sex but maybe there could be one ward where dads where allowed to stay for those who needed them.

I found this too. I didn't find the men's presence to be an issue at all with DS but it was so, so noisy. Some things couldn't be helped such as babies crying but even the midwives would be talking loudly, banging the door open etc when doing their checks like it was the middle of the day.

It's a miracle that anyone can get any rest. Men or no men.

I had dd2 in Nottingham. After the birth we were moved to what was like a hotel room but with nursing staff still available if we needed it. Dh was able to stay with me overnight and we had breakfast together the next morning. This was 16 years ago and cost approx £30 i think. Was well worth it. Would have hated to have been on a ward with men around.

It's a massive problem. My eldest is 31 and I think I was in for about 5 days as was standard back then. It was nothing like the experiences reported now. Visiting was about an hour twice a day and nobody allowed on the ward outside of that. I can still remember the women on my bay and their babies, we helped each other and had a sense of camaraderie.

Importantly though there was adequate staff and if your baby wouldn't settle and you were struggling with exhaustion the nursing staff would offer to take the baby to the nursery to care for them for a few hours so you could sleep. Bells didn't go unanswered and sheets were changed.

It wasn't a hotel but compared to stories I read now it may well have been.

We trialled this at my trust a few years ago.

It was awful tbh. The majority of partners were massively unhelpful. Fast asleep on the floor. Wandering around. Helping themselves in the kitchen. It felt really unsafe tbh. Especially overnight.

For women with extra needs who need a partner with them overnight, we devise an individual care plan and allocate a side ward.

I had my EMCS by myself and spent most of the time on the ward without my DH as he was working and wouldn't have needed his help with getting on with things. There was one man in the next bay around the clock and he only bothered me by talking with his wife during the night. Or bringing in smelly takeaway food at night. It didn't occur me to feel unsafe about him and I didn't pay any attention to him or the other women when going on about getting to toilet etc.

Wards should be a thing of the past. My local hospital and its very old predecessor in the same city had single rooms for maternity patients. The new huge one has single rooms for every single patient staying there whether it's for birthing or a bunion operation. No having to try and sleep in a room full of other people. The thought of trying to sleep with just a thin piece of fabric between me and other people fills me with horror. I spent three days once without sleep the one time I did go to hospital (in my old hometown). No matter how hard I tried I couldn't relax in a ward. They discharged me simply because the lack of sleep was making me worse.

No new hospitals should be being built with communal wards. The rooms don't have to be very big as long as they're rooms.