the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

Oh but some posters NEED their DH there, they’re utterly incapable of not having them there, so who cares how you feel.

THIS. We are fighting for single sex wards as it is without adding this appalling scenario in to the mix.

Absolutely no way. If you genuinely feel that you need your partner with you then you need to go private.

it’s not. it’s the random blokes.

Nonsense

I had my children late 70s/early 80s when we were kept in, not sent home 5 minutes after giving birth

And we had enough midwives to care for us so it was fine. At least they knew what they were doing!

My DH has always been a hands-on father.

If you think staying on the ward makes useless men into fathers of the year I think I can safely bet it doesn't

You’ve missed the point. I would not be imposing on you at all. Not in your space, not bringing anything at all above what is necessary and certainly not introducing anything to the ward to make you feel unsafe. You however want to impose your wishes and add to the environment a risk.
What’s the problem with a separate area for those who want men. Why must the entire ward fit your wishes? What’s round with bays for men being separated and available on request?

Why should anyone's feelings trump others'? I'm allowed to have DP there, I'm entitled to a chaperone, it's in my records and hospital passport.
If I heard someone reacting like myself if left alone on a bed, I'd be scared. It's not that I just decided I fancy having DP there, I didn't want to create a horribly stressful environment for myself, the midwives or other patients.

I hated the men in there. Without the men, women talked to each other and helped each other. You knew another woman would tell you if you leaked or at least wouldn’t care if you had. you could have a little cry about feeding not going well, and someone would call a nurse if you needed it.

When the men were there at visiting, you had to be careful about feeding, careful about seeing if you were decent when you got up for the loo etc. they were loud, on their phones, or in one case cajoling their girlfriend into a prolonged noisy snogging session.

It’s more embarrassing being disheveled in front of extra people.

It’s much easier to rest when there are fewer people hanging around and far less miserable when you are on your own and everyone else has visitors.

Hospitals should not be relying on family carers.

First time I had an emcs. My dh couldn’t stay midwives we’re too busy to look after anyone and it was horrible with lots of men around when bleeding, catheter, bf.
second time gave birth during covid was wonderful staff had more time, ward was peaceful, could bleed and bf without an audience. I did miss having visitors but I actually got some medical attention and nursing so it was better

We don't need to respect your need actually. The default is no Dads overnight at the moment (at least over here).

Well, apparently you trump others?

I admit we did used to roll our eyes when a woman insisted she had to have her partner/husband stay with her. Time to grow up!

Disgusting attitude towards other women.

I was told not to lift baby in and out of cot as it would damage the stitches so i had to buzz and sometimes they took a while (obviously very busy) if my husband was allowed to stay then he would have been able to hand me baby

The sheer entitlement of this post is actually jaw-dropping!

Why wouldn’t the staff kick one like that out? Seriously? He’s supposed to helping not sleeping.

Why should anyone's feelings trump others'? I'm allowed to have DP there, I'm entitled to a chaperone, it's in my records and hospital passport.

The vast majority of women don't require a medical chaperone as a disability accommodation. So using your very specific need to argue it's right to generally allow men on the wards would be foolish. I might need glasses but I'm not making everyone wear them.

Do you not understand this is about how the other women feel?

When there are exceptions as in your case, there should be private rooms available.

Wards aren't suitable and it's not fair on other women

Because there’s no respect for staff anymore! It’s not like the old days when you’d have a strict matron and people would listen. These days you just get a load of abuse from both the men and women.

Right? I had a giggle when I imagined she would be arguing this during lockdown.

I haven’t seen the petition. I think every child should have an able-bodied guardian with them in the hospital at all times. A woman recovering from major surgery or exhausted from giving birth does not qualify. Dad isn’t there for the mother, he is there for the baby. He should be there to advocate for his child 24/7.

the problem is the absolutely barbaric state of some postnatal wards. They should not be shared spaces. I gave birth to dd in a women’s hospital that only had private rooms throughout the entire facility. Dad’s were planned for with a small, admittedly uncomfortable, convertible bed.

So you have some special needs which the hospital should be catering for - private room for example. Other post natal women should not be made to feel even more vulnerable just because of your individual needs. Surely you can see that?

That’s beside the point. Women can be at their most vulnerable after giving birth, with little dignity or privacy. The bloke with his partner in the next bed may well be an absolute angel, but he’s still a stranger.
The problem of women having to manage without their partners there isn’t solvable by allowing men unfettered access, it’s solved by ensuring there are enough HCPs on maternity wards to support all new mothers.

It's like the other end of the spectrum, whereby if you have elderly relatives in hospital you have to spend more time there to make sure they're cleaned up and fed.

What a friend of mine and her daughters had to do to make sure her husband had a decent level of care was ridiculous.

The NHS is completely broken