the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

I had a very bad haemorrhage after having my daughter.Partners were allowed on the ward.i had to walk past 3 men,ward curtains wide open,with blood running down my legs and a huge pool of blood soaked on the back of my nightie to have a shower.I had to buzz for the midwife to change my bloody bed sheets,and ask for the hospital pads,as my maternity pads were not big enough.All in ear shot of the fathers.When the midwife came to do checks,it was all over heard in the ward.It was very undignified to discuss how heavy I was bleeding,and how big the blood clots were.Its not something i would want again.

I had about a week in total of stays on postnatal wards and men were allowed and it definitely made things worse. Snoring, arguments, using the toilet that was supposed to be just for the patients, general loudness, encouraging the whole bloody family to be in all day every day - it was horrendous. Proper support should be provided for those women who physically need it.

maybe you didn’t feel unsafe, but you don’t know what other women have experienced from men. a LOT of women do not trust strange men particularly when they can barely move.

I had a post partum hemorrhage with my first and needed a big blood transfusion.
A shoulder dystocia with my second.
A C Section with my third.
My DH wasn't allowed to stay in for any of them. I'd have liked him too, but at the same time I wouldn't like other men there. So, no men rule is the best option. It's not a place for men.
I do actually remember my first night alone in the hospital, with each of my babies as being quite special. Just lying in the bed, holding and looking at them whilst in a strange place, just me and them. It bonded us more somehow. Like they were all mine to nurture and protect. I think I'd have missed that if DH had been allowed to stay.

So its your need that trumps the others?

I think the option should be there for women who want their partners to stay, I also think it's a good move to get men involved from the get go too with bonding and baby care instead of just sending them away.

Absolutely this. The response to care in hospitals being awful should not be a petition to allow men to stay overnight, it should be a petition to improve funding to maternity services and not voting tory at the GE.

I had a c section during COVID. My husband had to leave overnight and the midwives were not available to help much at all. I was actually ok, my surgery was first and I found moving about relatively easy.

Some of the other women really struggled not having their DP’s with them though. The woman across from me was in pain and pretty much unable to move She had pretty much no help with her very fussy newborn, except from other women who were also recovering from surgery and looking after their own babies.

When I had my second, COVID was over but midwives were still massively hard to come by (I asked for help getting baby to latch and was told they were busy and to give a bottle).

If the NHS can’t ensure there is enough staff to help new mums, they need to let their partners’ stay.

Can see both sides. Was unable to care for DC post sections and that was frightening when care was unavailable due to inadequate staffing. But have also felt unsafe in mixed sex wards. My strong preference would be patients only and adequate care for both mothers and babies, but since that isn’t feasible within current NHS resourcing on balance would prefer partners to be allowed.

In that case there should be segregated wards - one for women who want partners there and one for women only, supported by appropriate medical/caring staff.

I hated the post partum ward both times because of men on the wards. Both times I had them giving me breastfeeding tips, pushing their chairs through my curtain so they could get more room, watching very loud TV shows all night, snoring. I felt hugely exposed by it.

There's also an element of camaraderie among women on their own. When we were left to it we helped each other through a bit.

I wouldn't be against that at all.

Unfortunately, I don't see it happening though.

The downside of that is if you really need monitoring

Our local hospital discharges even after a csection provided all is well so problem is reduced anyway. If partners don't stay staff have to look after babies whose mums aren't well enough yet and we all know about staff shortages.

It’s not appropriate to allow choice if it makes the environment less safe.

Not being able to adequately care for your baby is unsafe.

My ex lost all interest after conception.
Twat.

😠😠😠

There are countless hospitals in other countries that only have private rooms. Patients still have monitoring. It’s a complete non-issue.

Do people think ante natal should also be women only? I was in there for 4 days. Everyone had someone with them and if I didn’t have DH I would have been on my own.

Does the woman in the next cubicle to me have the right to demand that I go through a long, hideous induction on my own because they don’t want men in their wards?

most hospitals have some single rooms, in terms of monitoring how does it make a difference? They don’t make you open curtains like they do on other wards because of feeding and lots of visitors
you could potentially say that single rooms are more of a safety risk with guests around

I was thinking this too.

I'm glad DH will be able to stay over more than ever this time because I'm having a c-section with twins. I can understand the reasons against but I also can understand those in my situation feeling relief if it is permitted at their hospital because I can't begin to imagine how I'd be expected to manage alone after a surgery with two newborns.

What??? That’s bonkers!

I found it difficult enough having dads in the maternity wards for the visiting hours if they kept the curtains open and keep making a fuss as if everybody had birthed their children during the day. Having them there at all hours would make it very difficult especially for women who for one reason or another will be on their own.

There must be better ways to support women just after birth than reducing their privacy at their most vulnerable time. Especially if they have given birth during the night and would appreciate some quiet time to get a bit of rest.

Just an invitation to controlling men I think. The nurses and midwifes should actually help and then noone would need men there. Bad enough on visiting hours.

100% this.

I had to stay on the postnatal ward for a week as was unwell. They wouldn't let me have my curtains closed as I was in danger of seizures and they needed to keep an eye on me. Even just the 6 hour visiting window was bad enough, the absolute lack of dignity trying to BF and shuffling off to the toilet in a blood stained nightie. The whole experience of being in for so long was pretty traumatic and if there'd been men there 24/7 too I wouldn't have coped, I would have discharged myself I reckon.