the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

Particularly now with social media obsession, really don’t need more partners on the wards with phones making videos while women trying to breastfeed and deal with blood. Would prefer a petition to increase staffing and safety. What will happen is those who can afford it will book private rooms and everyone else will have to suffer.

YABU.

Your baby just needed popped in skin to skin with you or settled in a cot and the odd nappy change and feed. There's not a lot to be done, especially in the first 24 hours when babies tend to be very sleepy.

Everyone is vulnerable in hospital - doesnt matter where you are. My elderly mother was left by herself on a stretcher in a corridor with her handbag left next to her. That was truly terrifying.

How would they be watching you breastfeed?...there are such things as curtains round beds in a hospital ward.

Quite right. And other women don’t need to be subjected to your DH on the ward so you can ‘process’ what happened.

I’m aware of what needs doing. I’ve had three children. In case you weren’t aware however, you’re not allowed to be left alone for 24 hours after GA, never mind with a newborn baby, so yes I needed my partner.

you’re not allowed to be left alone for 24 hours after GA, never mind with a newborn baby, so yes I needed my partner.

You're not supposed to leave the hospital alone for 24 hours. You were in a hospital.

They don't close properly. They get pulled open by staff who want sight of all the patients or they get pulled open by a visitor in the next bay shuffling a chair. Sometimes men forget which bed their partner is in and open the wrong curtains.

Multitude of reasons why you have no privacy.

Please don’t belittle other peoples experiences. You started a thread that would invite peoples responses, whether you agree or not. I had to ‘process’ that my child almost died and I wasn’t conscious when they were born. Nobody was subjected to my partner. It’s a shame however that we are all subjected to your ridiculous views.

I didn’t start anything. If you had a private room, no one else was affected. If you were in a ward, then others were indeed subjected to your partner being there.

For the past nearly 40 pages it has been established there aren’t enough private rooms but if there were that would be the best solution.

People are getting a little mean about other people's experiences. These are huge policy decisions and there is no perfect answer. I think acknowledging that both 'sides' have merit and both sides have disadvantages is key.

I don't think men should be on female wards while women are vulnerable and in states of undress. But I would also have liked to have DH there. Not enough to dismiss the obvious issues with it, but a little empathy from everyone would be nice. Especially as we're all talking about the most difficult and dangerous thing most women ever do. And how they are being failed by the system.

I'm sorry you had a difficult experience. It's not a personal attack on your partner but any men staying over on a postnatal ward means women are being subjected to them due to the fact they have no choice over sharing their recovery space with men. It doesn't matter if your partner is delightful - a lot of women don't want any men in that space for prolonged periods of time.

I had a really long labour, very traumatic birth, hours in theatre after this and many complications. I was put in a side room on the post natal ward, door shut and basically left to it when I couldn't move/walk independently. I'd have loved my husband to stay and help care for me and our baby, instead of being subject to the rude, dismissive HCA who did come most times I pressed the buzzer, but made me feel 10x worse and more vulnerable than I already did.

Absolutely agree!

Id be interested to know what Buddhism has to do with it re a previous comment

Utter bullshit. Many people have to stay more than 24 hours. Mine cried throughout the night for three nights. I was desperately trying to comfort him so that I didn’t disturb others but I was exhausted due to serious pregnancy complications (pre eclampsia and HELLP) and a horrendous birth experience during which my blood pressure dropped
so low that my heart was close to stopping. I was terrified that I was going to fall asleep in my hospital bed and drop DS on the floor.

No she didn't "try to kill me". That's not what I said. It was a lone working Midwife's fault that me and my Daughter almost died because she was a victim of critical understaffing and she missed many complications she should have picked up on. The aftercare I received on the post natal ward afterwards and from community Midwives after being discharged was also unacceptable. I didn't feel comfortable leaving my newborn in the care of these people whilst I have to leave the ward for checks etc. but I had no choice because my husband was sent home. Completely unnecessary.

A lot of wards are so understaffed they have little choice but to use partners to help with care.

It’s offloading and just a sticking plaster but we should be signing petitions and raising awareness with our MPs over the state of our maternity wards currently putting mothers and babies lives at risk.

Agree @Dibblydoodahdah
I had to stay 4 days with the first birth and 7 with the second.
We are not all the same

Wish I had just one chance of an in out 24 hr stint without complications

I can see both sides.

All I wanted overnight in hospital was my partner - I had a c section. I found the midwives / midwife assistants on night shift were super rude and unhelpful. All I wanted was to go home to my partner who would actually be helpful. As soon as I could get him on the phone the next morning, I discharged myself against medical advice to go home.

However, I can see both sides. I can see how women would feel vulnerable with men there. Maybe it is more comfortable / appropriate in private rooms rather than four bed shared rooms. I probably wouldn’t have wanted someone else’s partner there.

That being said when our son was in hospital as a baby. My partner would have been allowed to stay overnight in hospital with him and sleep there. In a four bed bay with other women (they were all women) and their sick children - he didn’t stay - I did - but he would have been allowed. So it isn’t just maternity wards.

YANBU. I was sooo glad my abusive ex got sent home. I was uncomfortable on the induction ward with men there while I laboured. And then with my non abusive but lazy ex I resented it was assumed he was helping me when he was utterly useless, he refused to help me shower/wash instead he said he would hold the baby while I fell over and was crying in pain in the shower. I'd have rather he was sent home and the midwives had enough time/staffing to properly help women in their care.

"subjected" to someone else's partner being there. What a word to use. Excuse them for breathing! Excuse them for being present when their child has just been born. Grow up! Dad's can't win...if they didn't show up when their baby was born, they would be criticised for that.

There were two men allowed to stay on my four bay ward while I was in after having DD last year - one as a translator for his wife and one as child was ill.

The translator bloke was so awful I ended up complaining to the midwives at 2am.

Snored like a rip saw, had REALLY loud conversations with his wife (like they were at opposite ends of the ward type volume) and worst of all he's a local businessman and actually started running his business from her bedside at 6am.

All those who want their partner act like all men are like their partners. They'd soon change their tune if they had to deal with the above or worse.

I actually only got a couple of hours a day with DH as he had to be home for DS as he is autistic and needed as much routine as possible.

I'd had a c section and didn't get a huge amount of help from the midwives but managed (once I got them to tie a sheet to the end of the bed so I could get up a bit more easily)

I realise this and the best solution is much improved maternity care but I feel even if the best care was available a lot of women will still want their partners overnight on an open ward at the expense of other women who feel uncomfortable. When we lose women's spaces we tend to lose them for good.