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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Recently widowed dad selling family home

405 replies

cambridgecoral · 15/02/2024 11:18

My mum died in February last year. After starting dating before her funeral had even taken place, my dad almost immediately got himself a replacement servant from the OurTime dating website.

He is selling our family home, she is selling her little house, and they're going to buy a million pound house together.

He says he will put in his will that me and my brother are entitled to a quarter of the house upon the second death - the other two quarters being owned by her two grown up children.

He says he's 'protecting our inheritance' by putting it into property.
Is this true?
As far as I see it, my brother and I have gone from half each in the family home, to potentially a quarter in a house that half belongs his new girlfriend, who'll probably sell it to pay for her care costs in the end if dad dies before her.

How is this protecting our inheritance?
Does anyone know anything about the law on this?
I feel totally betrayed. I have a young son who now has no grandma, and she'd be devastated to know that everything she worked for was essentially being given to a family of near-strangers and not protected for her children and grandchild.

Feeling hopeless and hurt.

OP posts:
Poirott · 15/02/2024 11:20

Has he remarried? And how is the mortgage worded?

BIWI · 15/02/2024 11:20

Well, I know this must be annoying - but there's no guarantee you'd have got any money anyway. It is his money to do with as he wishes, even if you think that's unfair.

But think of it this way - they'll both end up with a bigger house, worth more, so even if you do inherit 'your' quarter, it could be as much as 'your' half would have been.

Can you not be happy for your dad?

VoiletBee89 · 15/02/2024 11:22

Without sounding blunt, nobody has an automatic right to inheritance & the money your DP's have worked for isn't yours to claim. I completely understand feeling upset, but it is ultimately your father's decision. Did your mums will stipulate anything or did it just go to your DF? I imagine that your DF's new partners children are in the same boat, who is putting in more equity do you know?

Original poster
cambridgecoral · 15/02/2024 11:24

VoiletBee89 · 15/02/2024 11:22

Without sounding blunt, nobody has an automatic right to inheritance & the money your DP's have worked for isn't yours to claim. I completely understand feeling upset, but it is ultimately your father's decision. Did your mums will stipulate anything or did it just go to your DF? I imagine that your DF's new partners children are in the same boat, who is putting in more equity do you know?

She's putting in one third, my dad is paying the rest. Her children are not in the same boat - their dad is still alive. They will now have three lots of inheritances rather than two.

OP posts:
Galeforcewindatmywindow · 15/02/2024 11:25

Inheritance is a bonus not a right... As you say he has a new maid.. Surely that means he won't be knocking on your door for help as he ages? Isn't that a win?

Original poster
cambridgecoral · 15/02/2024 11:25

BIWI · 15/02/2024 11:20

Well, I know this must be annoying - but there's no guarantee you'd have got any money anyway. It is his money to do with as he wishes, even if you think that's unfair.

But think of it this way - they'll both end up with a bigger house, worth more, so even if you do inherit 'your' quarter, it could be as much as 'your' half would have been.

Can you not be happy for your dad?

That's not how the maths is working I'm afraid. It really will be a quarter, if that. We'll likely never see any of that. My mum would be so hurt that our interests weren't being protected.

OP posts:
Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 15/02/2024 11:27

As you refer to the new wife as his servant, are you presuming she will provide care for your df as his health declines? If she was not on the scene is it possible he would have sold the home for care home fees? Or would he have been depending on you and your brother?
It doesn't sound like you have a good relationship with your father, so perhaps this lady is actually doing you a favour (and will earn any money he leaves her)?
Nurse with a purse is a phrase I just recently heard on Mumsnet.

nomchonge1 · 15/02/2024 11:28

Im not sure, but I think he can get a trust put into his will that protects his part of the house to go to his children - worth looking into

ajandjjmum · 15/02/2024 11:28

Did your Mum have a Will? Did she specify what should happen to her share of their assets? If it was left to your DH, I don't think you have a leg to stand on, unless you can get him to see the unfairness of the situation.

This bothers me although I hope we covered it in our Wills. I totally trust DH but if I die and he gets dementia, I would be so sad to think that my share of our assets had gone to a floozy. Seen it happen!

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 15/02/2024 11:28

I think itsxawful but ultimately its his money to do as he sees fit however galling this may be. Your DM should have left her half to her children. Make sure you have your own will sorted how you want it.

Prizefighter · 15/02/2024 11:31

I think you need to get this in writing. This is your mum’s legacy too.

CatherinedeBourgh · 15/02/2024 11:31

if he's said you'll have a quarter of the house upon the second death, that suggests that he'll leave you his half of the house but leave her a right to live in it until she dies, then she will leave her half to her dc (assuming he dies first).

So she wouldn't be able to sell your half to fund her care costs. And she might be his carer as he ages, thus avoiding him having to sell his house to go into care. Or were you planning on becoming his carer?

You could come out of this better off, actually.

Personally I'd be willing to give up all inheritance if I thought my parent would be happier with a partner in their old age, but then that's just me. I care more about people than money.

BIWI · 15/02/2024 11:35

That's not how the maths is working I'm afraid. It really will be a quarter, if that. We'll likely never see any of that. My mum would be so hurt that our interests weren't being protected.

Well, the maths is still that you'll get a quarter! The maths doesn't change. The amount might change, depending on the value of the house, how much (if any) mortgage remains.

And your interests are being protected! Your dad has said so!

Original poster
cambridgecoral · 15/02/2024 11:38

CatherinedeBourgh · 15/02/2024 11:31

if he's said you'll have a quarter of the house upon the second death, that suggests that he'll leave you his half of the house but leave her a right to live in it until she dies, then she will leave her half to her dc (assuming he dies first).

So she wouldn't be able to sell your half to fund her care costs. And she might be his carer as he ages, thus avoiding him having to sell his house to go into care. Or were you planning on becoming his carer?

You could come out of this better off, actually.

Personally I'd be willing to give up all inheritance if I thought my parent would be happier with a partner in their old age, but then that's just me. I care more about people than money.

How lovely.
He's an abuser and a narcissist who drove my mother into an early grave. I'm concerned about the money as our mental health is so poor from growing up in that environment that a small financial buffer in the future would give us a little bit of security.

He's only 'happier' because he has yet another vulnerable woman running around after him so he won't ever have to learn how to make a bed.

OP posts:
buckeejit · 15/02/2024 11:38

Yabu & nasty to call her his servant. It's disappointing for you but there's nothing you can do about his decisions. If you're genuinely worried he is doing this for the wrong reasons emotionally then sit down & discuss it with him. Perhaps there is a way that an amount can be set aside for you. Attacking his new partner is never likely to enhance your relationship
With your dad

buckeejit · 15/02/2024 11:40

If he's an abuser & a narcissist then I wouldn't be depending on anything from him, nor engaging in negotiations to claim something from him

springbrigid · 15/02/2024 11:42

cambridgecoral · 15/02/2024 11:18

My mum died in February last year. After starting dating before her funeral had even taken place, my dad almost immediately got himself a replacement servant from the OurTime dating website.

He is selling our family home, she is selling her little house, and they're going to buy a million pound house together.

He says he will put in his will that me and my brother are entitled to a quarter of the house upon the second death - the other two quarters being owned by her two grown up children.

He says he's 'protecting our inheritance' by putting it into property.
Is this true?
As far as I see it, my brother and I have gone from half each in the family home, to potentially a quarter in a house that half belongs his new girlfriend, who'll probably sell it to pay for her care costs in the end if dad dies before her.

How is this protecting our inheritance?
Does anyone know anything about the law on this?
I feel totally betrayed. I have a young son who now has no grandma, and she'd be devastated to know that everything she worked for was essentially being given to a family of near-strangers and not protected for her children and grandchild.

Feeling hopeless and hurt.

It’s so distasteful and grubby-grabby of you to think like this. It’s your father’s house, not yours, he’s alive and can do whatever he wants with his own property and money. He can sell it and spend all the proceeds on fancy holidays before he dies if he wants to.
If your mother was that concerned about you inheriting anything she could have put that in her will. Therefore, saying that this is somehow about her hard work rather than free money for you is pretty disingenuous.
Be a better person, work on your relationship with your father, make your own money, and reflect on what warped values have led you to this sense of entitlement.

Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 15/02/2024 11:44

Perhaps you should speak to this lady and her family, warn her off? Her own children must be absolutely horrified. You would be saving another woman from what your mother went through.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 15/02/2024 11:44

And your interests arebeing protected! Your dad has said so!

🤣🤣🤣🤣

There you go OP, it's true because your dad said it's true and as we all know, when people die intestate in these sort of messy situations it ALWAYS gets sorted and good and right and truth (and a hard boiled egg) always prevails.

As for the posters saying the money her DF has worked for (that he actually just inherited 50% of from his DW) is his to do what he wants with, your misogyny is showing. Her DM presumably earned half the value of the house and therefore what SHE worked for and wanted should also be considered if we're talking fairness rather than letter of the law.

Sorry OP, your DM was far too trusting and you'll get a load of shit on this thread from people who are scared of anyone rumbling their attempts to grab their family's money out from under other people.

Let this be a lesson that you need a will so this never happens to your own loved ones.

Belindabelle · 15/02/2024 11:45

Well given your update I m surprised you want anything to do with him.

Let’s say your parents house was worth £750k and new partners is worth £250K. You expected half of 750k so 375k. If he dies tomorrow you will now get 250k. If he lives for longer the house price will increase and you might get closer to the original 375k.

If he requires nursing care you may get nothing.

GeordieDownSouth · 15/02/2024 11:46

I hope you have warned this new lady about your dad's abuse?!?

That should be your priority at the moment.

Original poster
cambridgecoral · 15/02/2024 11:46

SisterMichaelsHabit · 15/02/2024 11:44

And your interests arebeing protected! Your dad has said so!

🤣🤣🤣🤣

There you go OP, it's true because your dad said it's true and as we all know, when people die intestate in these sort of messy situations it ALWAYS gets sorted and good and right and truth (and a hard boiled egg) always prevails.

As for the posters saying the money her DF has worked for (that he actually just inherited 50% of from his DW) is his to do what he wants with, your misogyny is showing. Her DM presumably earned half the value of the house and therefore what SHE worked for and wanted should also be considered if we're talking fairness rather than letter of the law.

Sorry OP, your DM was far too trusting and you'll get a load of shit on this thread from people who are scared of anyone rumbling their attempts to grab their family's money out from under other people.

Let this be a lesson that you need a will so this never happens to your own loved ones.

Well said!
Thank you!
I'm pretty shocked at some of these responses, for sure!

OP posts:
KenAdams · 15/02/2024 11:47

You aren't entitled to an inheritance but have you suggested 2/3 of the house sale is split between you and your brother instead?

kittybiscuits · 15/02/2024 11:49

There are plenty of people around on mumsnet spouting off horribly to posters and they probably wouldn't say boo to a goose in real life. It's horrible.

I'm so sorry you lost your mum. Your dad sounds like a pig. I think you should set your expectations very low around possible inheritance.

Fairyliz · 15/02/2024 11:50

I’m surprised at all of these posters saying the op is grabby for wanting an inheritance.
I assume most of you have children if you are on MN and quite a few of you own properties? Do you not want these to go to your children when you die? Or are you all relaxed and would be happy if they went to some random people you did not know?