Recently widowed dad selling family home

[cambridgecoral]

My mum died in February last year. After starting dating before her funeral had even taken place, my dad almost immediately got himself a replacement servant from the OurTime dating website.

He is selling our family home, she is selling her little house, and they're going to buy a million pound house together.

He says he will put in his will that me and my brother are entitled to a quarter of the house upon the second death - the other two quarters being owned by her two grown up children.

He says he's 'protecting our inheritance' by putting it into property.
Is this true?
As far as I see it, my brother and I have gone from half each in the family home, to potentially a quarter in a house that half belongs his new girlfriend, who'll probably sell it to pay for her care costs in the end if dad dies before her.

How is this protecting our inheritance?
Does anyone know anything about the law on this?
I feel totally betrayed. I have a young son who now has no grandma, and she'd be devastated to know that everything she worked for was essentially being given to a family of near-strangers and not protected for her children and grandchild.

Feeling hopeless and hurt.

He sounds vulnerable and at a loss mentally, its obvious he's rushing into things before he's even processed your mother's death......my main concern would be the fact that he's being taken advantage of.

Oh, ok. OP can take it to the moral courts then…

The reality is that as PP have said, OP’s DM didn’t leave anything to her children.

In our will we are tenants in common
OP. look this up. That is what your father needs to do to protect his half of the new house.
A good solicitor will advise him.

@cambridgecoral What did she put in her will to ensure that your interests were protected?

You can be angry but there really isn't much you can do about it. The family home is his and he choses what to do with the money. He may have had to sell the family home for his own care needs so there is never a guarantee of inheritance. It seems odd he is putting in 2/3 but effectively leaving her kids half. Seems an odd set up but maybe that's her payment for being his skivvy. Your dad sounds like a nasty piece of work so relying on a financial buffer from him is risky business.

So basically they will both own half, her half between her two kids, his half half of that (one quarter in effect of the whole house) to you and your brother, so in effect a sixth each, who gets his other bit.? Or are you saying you both get his half (quarter each) and her two get a quarter each?

sounds fair to me, regardless of how much they each put in. The only way that would change is if they had an agreement about how much each put in and what the split would be when one died.

but what happens if he dies before her? Does she have the right to live in the house until she goes?

he would be better protecting the house by being tenants in common, and then if something happens to him it goes to you, she has the right to live in the house, and should be responsible for upkeep, but once sold half comes to you and your brother. That way you are protected against her using the house for fees

however I don’t see how her kids get three inheritances, they will get half from their mother and I assume some from thier dad

I’m not attempting to navigate the moralities of the expectation of inheritance, or of avoiding care fees, so this is purely factual, based on personal experience. There are two issues here. What happens if either partner needs to go into care, and what happens if the house passes intact to the children. A simple will won’t protect assets, including the property, from being assessed towards care home fees for either parent if the circumstances demand it.

Your dad and his partner should see a solicitor if they want to protect the interests of their children in this respect. Any agreement or trust fund needs to be legally watertight, because depending on their age, state of health, and whether there was a reasonable expectation of care needs at the time of the transaction, if your dad and his partner attempted to simply transfer even a share of the property into the names of children, this would likely be viewed by the local authority as deprivation of assets and the whole property would be included in the assessment. But this would equally have been true of the family home anyway if your dad had stayed single. In the event he needed to go into care, it would likely have been sold to pay the fees, regardless of any will.

So. As the will stands it will only protect your inheritance in the event that no care facility is needed by either parent. You need to talk to them both about taking legal advice before they act, because there is also the question of what would happen to any funds left over when the partner in care passes away.

You cannot trust an abuser and narcissist. So be as angry as you need to be, do some screaming therapy, go out and throw some plates at the ground in a safe location, and then… move on. There’s no other choice. If you see a pence, it’ll be a miracle.

I know this from personal experience, and it was horrible. You have every right in the world to be upset, but if being upset changed the abusers and narcissists of this world… well, the world would be a better place, for one. But you can only focus on you. Stop staying in contact with a man who drove your mother to an early grave and destroyed your childhood in hopes of an inheritance you’ll never see. Give yourself the gift of NC. It’s worth the money. I know it’s hard to imagine when you really need the money, but you need to view the money as already gone.

These threads always bring out people who claim they don't want money or inheritance from a nasty person. Can't say I feel the same; as far as I'm concerned, it's compensation for all the abuse. Had he been prosecuted and found guilty, as he deserved, I'd have had no trouble taking anything the court ordered me to receive.

I'm so sorry, OP.

You aren't entitled to any inheritance so there's not much you can do about it realistically.

All you really can do it suggest that your dad takes legal advice given his larger contributions to the property purchase and gets it ringfenced. Even if he dies this he may not necessarily leave it you anyway.

Has he considered the implications of what may happen if she dies first, his family get 50% etc.

It's his house. He can do what he likes with it. None of that money is yours. If you get anything at all you're lucky.

Seems a bit entitled to moan about how he's reducing your inheritance by spending his own money. He's not dead yet and doesn't owe you any money tbf. Anything you get is a bonus.

The other partner would automatically have the right to live on in the property after OP’s dad passed, because she owns half of it. And without sound legal advice, tenants in common wouldn’t protect the entire property from being sold for care fees for either partner, as, depending on the circumstances at the time the agreement was made, it could be viewed as deliberate deprivation of assets, as no money would be changing hands in return for the childrens’ interest in the house

This seems really unjust, can't believe so many people are on your dad's side.

I don’t think people are on the dads side - they are saying there isn’t much the op can do

sadly men of a certain age can be very selfish and here is a classic example

I think this situation is deeply painful and some of the responses are too quick to accuse OP of being grabby or presumptive about getting an inheritance. Of course inheritance isn’t a right and it’s unwise to build it into financial planning, but who wouldn’t be hurt by the likely eradication of one of your parent’s wishes or about the sidelining of you? I have no inheritance coming my way but I can understand this.

I’ve seen this happen to a friend. Her DM died when we were in our early thirties. Her DM left everything to my friend’s dad, married 35-40 years, probably assuming it would then go to their children. DF’s dad was a great dad but shocked them by immediately dating a woman he met in the weeks before her mum died. The woman had been married three times and had four children at private schools that needed funding, he needed not to be single, was used to being married and a bit of a romantic I think. He remarried within a year and as soon as they were married the woman made my friend unwelcome. Her dad trusted her and left everything to her when he died five years ago, she said all the right things to him to reassure him.

My friend and her DB have nothing and I know it’s not so much the money but the loss of the past and the fact her parents would be so devastated at the course of events. Of course the money would have been helpful too. My friend saw one of the second wife’s daughters in town recently, she was wearing my friend’s mother’s engagement ring, a very valuable ring but that wasn’t what hurt.

Effectively by getting a quarter of house you are potentially getting your mums share, nothing from him. If that actually transpires anyway. He’s giving his money to his new wife and her kids, as some one else has said maybe she’s demanding this as skivy payment.

also if divorces him she walks away with half and he has no skivy…

depends if you can speak to him and mention your concerns Tbh… he sounds like a swine

There is something called an 'April will' where someone can leave their share of a house to their own children specifically. That would mean that 'your' inheritance (if any, providing your dad doesn't require nursing care which needs funded) will not be used to pay for your stepmother's care, if she eventually needs it.

The 'Elderly Parents' thread here has a lot of regular posters who know the laws around care and inheritance quite well, I've found, if you would find it more helpful to move it there.

Is it wrong to want his partner going into a decent care home and not have to worry in her old age?

I'm in a second marriage and dh funded most of our house. If I survive him and spend the lot on care that'll be fine by him, although I doubt very much it will be with his children. Why would it? They don't give a hoot about me, but guess what? Their dad does and it's his money. (They will have lots of money coming their way from investments so they won't go short).

This!!

Op, I’m sorry 🙁 I’m sure this is hugely upsetting to you all. And your dad is not right for doing this.

Yes, no one is entitled to an inheritance, this is true… but it still hurts to know that our parents are capable of doing this to us.

My advice would be to try and guide him as best you can. Why should she receive equal parts value of the home when her share is less?

I think it’s not about being on his side, he sounds awful and I feel for the OP, it must feel unjust after everything, but it’s just that there is very little she can do. Legally, unless her mum made provisions for her children, the money is her dad’s to do what he wants with. All she can do is encourage her dad to ring fence some for her and her brother.

Sometimes stupidity does as much harm as evil. He was a fucking idiot to put his romantic ideals above his kids and leave the inheritance he wanted them to have with no more protection than the word of his wife.

In the UK, if a person dies without a will (intestate), the distribution of their estate, including property like a house, is governed by the rules of intestacy as outlined in the Administration of Estates Act 1925 (as amended). Here's how it generally works:

1. Surviving Spouse/Civil Partner: If the deceased is married or in a civil partnership, the surviving spouse or civil partner will inherit the first £270,000 of the estate outright, plus all personal belongings. This is known as the "statutory legacy."
2. Remaining Estate: After the statutory legacy, the remaining estate will be distributed in accordance with a prescribed hierarchy:

• If there are surviving children, the remaining estate is divided equally among them. The children will receive their share of the estate when they reach the age of 18, but the surviving spouse/civil partner retains a life interest in half of the remaining estate. This means that they can use the assets during their lifetime, but they cannot be sold or given away.
• If there are no surviving children, the surviving spouse or civil partner inherits the entire estate outright.

It's essential to note that these rules may vary depending on individual circumstances, such as whether the property was owned jointly or held in trust. Consulting with a legal professional specializing in UK law is advisable to ensure accurate guidance tailored to the specific situation.

Did she have a will?

Your father sounds very unpleasant. If this lady deals with him for the next 10-20 years and keeps him out of your hair, I would tend to view it as money well spent to allow you largely to wash your hands of him.

Personally, I'd be giving her a warning about what she's getting herself into. I'm not sure I could stay silent and watch another woman walk into an potentially exploitative and abusive relationship.