Recently widowed dad selling family home

[cambridgecoral]

My mum died in February last year. After starting dating before her funeral had even taken place, my dad almost immediately got himself a replacement servant from the OurTime dating website.

He is selling our family home, she is selling her little house, and they're going to buy a million pound house together.

He says he will put in his will that me and my brother are entitled to a quarter of the house upon the second death - the other two quarters being owned by her two grown up children.

He says he's 'protecting our inheritance' by putting it into property.
Is this true?
As far as I see it, my brother and I have gone from half each in the family home, to potentially a quarter in a house that half belongs his new girlfriend, who'll probably sell it to pay for her care costs in the end if dad dies before her.

How is this protecting our inheritance?
Does anyone know anything about the law on this?
I feel totally betrayed. I have a young son who now has no grandma, and she'd be devastated to know that everything she worked for was essentially being given to a family of near-strangers and not protected for her children and grandchild.

Feeling hopeless and hurt.

But she only put in a third not a half. Older people marrying should come out with what they put in. Not 50:50. His share was built up over a lifetime with the OPs mother and should not be heartening some random other adult dc of his new wife. OPs mother would turning in her grave.

Lifetime interest is all that a partner should get when it's an older union

Cheers for the bluntness. I just found it a bit confusing. Assuming you mean quarter of a million then. Its your Dads money to do what he wants while he's alive. If you stand to get a quarter of a million pounds between 2 of you it might be worth just saying thanks given that you could risk being cut out altogether.

If he's abusive and was a nasty husband and dad...he won't change. I'd write off any inheritance, it won't come. I think holding on hope for this inheritance will make the grief even worse.

@cambridgecoral

You have every sympathy from me. This happened to us, I can't recount all the story, too private and painful to be honest. But actually it was probably worse than yours, if that were possible!
Take care of yourself, you won't necessarily get the answers that I would want or expect here.

Very sorry forvyour loss.

Well. Yes, you and your brother could inherit the part of the house that your dad owns if he and his partner buy the house as tenants in common. Other factors would be if he makes a will, or if he marries his new partner before or after the will, and if the will allows her a life interest so that she can live there until death. That part of the house will belong to him, or after his death to his beneficiaries, and won't be part of her assets for assessing to pay for care. If he dies first she would either have to buy you out or sell the house.

All this requires your dad to do a lot of legal paperwork and thought. Tbh if your relationship with him is so bad, I can see him holding this over you to manipulate you - 'ooh I might change the will' etc. I wouldn't engage with that. If you still have conversations with him and it comes up, I would encourage him to lodge the will with a solicitor and tell you which one.

The REALLY messy bit may happen if they break up. Best not to get too invested in the whole pile of goings-on.

Sadly, OP, because it's too late now, your situation could have been avoided if your parents had changed the ownership to TIC (tenants in common) and written their wills to state that on the first death their share of the property would pass to their children (or any other beneficiary of their choosing).

Other posters have outlined how your father could protect what you regard as your inheritance before buying a house with his new woman, if he's so minded, but really it's his decision.

Answering the question @cambridgecoral was actually asking without any kind of moral/ethical judgement:

No, it doesn't really protect your interests at all.

If you can afford to get a solicitor or accountant to look at it, or if you're good at numbers you can set it all out and present it to him to see if you can persuade him to change his mind.

Main issues I can see are:

Can you persuade your father to buy the house with the new partner as tenants in common, in shares relative to their contribution into the property?

I.e. from what you've said, about 66% him/33% her.

You might try to sell it to him as protecting his interests in case the relationship doesn't continue, as otherwise if they buy as joint tenants she's initially presumed to own it 50/50 with him.

Having a deed of trust around the property ownership helps, but at least make sure they're tenants in common in unequal shares.

You then need him to make a Will which:

a) covers any issues about "anticipation of marriage", so that the Will isn't invalidated if he does marry the new partner

b) leaves his (66%) share of the house to you and your brother

c) (possibly) leaves the new partner only a life interest in the house, so that she can live there after he dies but cannot sell it or use it for her care fees if needed.
If he's as nasty as you say, you could probably also get him to put in provisions such that if she has a new partner/marries/ co-habits with someone after his death, then her life interest in the property terminates.

See a solicitor to get full understanding of all the above.

Also be aware that Wills can be changed at any time, as long as the person has capacity.

Offering no moral judgement on the situation, just some practical steps to try to safeguard your father's assets for you and your brother.

If you read it, op is concerned that if her dad dies first then her inheritance could go on supporting the new gf. They could come out with nothing of the money her mum worked hard to get and would’ve wanted her children to get!

This is the bottom line I'm afraid.

My mum would be so hurt that our interests weren't being protected.

Your mother didn't protect your interests in her will so she's left you at the whim of your father's will. There is no 'your inheritance' only his money/assets. I'd reset your expectations around that and if he leaves you something, see that as a bonus.

My mum would be so hurt that our interests weren't being protected.

But she didn't protect your interests with her will either.

I have read it. If her mother wanted her interests protecting it should have been written in the Mums will. It obviously wasn't which is why the Dad is getting to do whatever he wants with his money. An inheritance isn't a given.

I’m very sorry to read this. This is why I intend that part of my share of the house will go to our DC with DH having a life interest in the house . When sold they get their ££.

I will not allow all my share of the house to potentially go to a new wife and her kids.

The problem here is that your DM left it all to your DF. Understandable, as I think most folks do .

Your dad needs to create a property protection trust.

What that means is that on his death, his share automatically goes to you and your sibling. If dies first, legally, his half belongs to the 2 of you. In that case, should your fathers wife need to sell the house to fund nursing care for herself at a later stage, your half is ringfenced.

I’m very sorry to read this. This is why I intend that part of my share of the house will go to our DC with DH having a life interest in the house . When sold they get their ££

Why haven’t you done this yet if it’s important to you?

Your mother didn't protect your interests in her will so she's left you at the whim of your father's will. There is no 'your inheritance' only his money/assets. I'd reset your expectations around that and if he leaves you something, see that as a bonus.

This is blunt, but true.
Accept this and move forwards with your father to put things in place for your future.

I have sympathy with your situation and understand your frustration, but I wouldn't go into negotiations announcing any of it is 'yours' though, because it isn't, and it's going to put backs up.

This is a bit harsh. I am certain OP's mother would have wanted her children to have her half share of the current family home (on their father's death of course). But even if she'd made a will, if the house was owned jointly, it would automatically go to him.

If they are planning to own the new house as tenants in common this is worth doing, it would protect half of the house from care home fees too if the new wife needs it, all assuming that he dies first. A trust would also protect the OP and sibling from the wife changing her will after his death and leaving everything to her children as often happens.

Because as things stand, that’s what will happen because of what our house is worth. DH will only get part of my half, so it’s not been urgent .

There are other reasons why we’ve been remiss on the will front, mostly because of arguments over who would have the DC. Now DS1 is in a position to be guardian to DS2 which is the best outcome.

But we have got an appointment booked for early next month - time to get it sorted!

The problem here is that your DM left it all to your DF. Understandable, as I think most folks do

Sadly, this ^ It happens so often. I wish more married women were aware of how to protect their children’s inheritance when writing a will.

Thing is @cambridgecoral, if your father is as bad as you say, putting your head in a space where you're so invested regarding potential future inheritance is just going to harm you.

Your relationship and love for your mother is not levied on your father's actions now.

You're going to have to separate the two for your own sake.

Simply owning as tenants in common rather than joint tenants would protect his portion. (Obviously should be 66%/33%). They can then simply will their portion to whom they wish with remaining partner having the right to live in the property til their death or when they choose to leave. This is how my parents did it and it worked correctly. (No moral judgement here, unless people have experienced this kind of childhood/family members they just don't understand💐).

Your DF and his new wife could own the house as tenants in common in shares according to how much each pays , eg 30%\70%. In his will he can leave his share to you, with the proviso that his wife can remain in the house until she remarried or dies then you and your brother get your share. A solicitor can sort this out easily.

Given how awful you say he is, anything she is left she will have earned.

I'm sorry you lost your mum and I understand you are angry but in order to protect yourself you have to tell yourself you have no inheritance because your father is not dead. What he has is his money and his assets and you have no control over what he chooses to do with them

Anything else will only carry on angering and upsetting you. It's clear this isn't actually about cold hard cash but unfortunately most people won't understand that.

So sorry to hear about your mum and your dad’s behaviour both before and after her death. Did your mum leave a will? The earlier post quoting citizens advice may be useful. Your dad will also need probate granted, whatever the will did or didn’t say.

The only hope to keep things safe is to ask your dad to make a new will, specifying who gets what, and allowing his new partner to live in the new home if he should pre-decease her.

I hope it gets sorted, wills and inheritance cause so much bad feeling.

Ah, yes! This is exactly what I was referring to - thank you for clarifying/explaining! 😊