Recently widowed dad selling family home

[cambridgecoral]

My mum died in February last year. After starting dating before her funeral had even taken place, my dad almost immediately got himself a replacement servant from the OurTime dating website.

He is selling our family home, she is selling her little house, and they're going to buy a million pound house together.

He says he will put in his will that me and my brother are entitled to a quarter of the house upon the second death - the other two quarters being owned by her two grown up children.

He says he's 'protecting our inheritance' by putting it into property.
Is this true?
As far as I see it, my brother and I have gone from half each in the family home, to potentially a quarter in a house that half belongs his new girlfriend, who'll probably sell it to pay for her care costs in the end if dad dies before her.

How is this protecting our inheritance?
Does anyone know anything about the law on this?
I feel totally betrayed. I have a young son who now has no grandma, and she'd be devastated to know that everything she worked for was essentially being given to a family of near-strangers and not protected for her children and grandchild.

Feeling hopeless and hurt.

Good that you know now. It'll help inform any decisions if he needs you for help/care......

Your Mother would have hated you to end up with nothing but then she should have put you in her will. Maybe you should go no contact and try to move on or he will continue to control you. You should have been protected from this man.

@cambridgecoral , if you've not disregarded this thread entirely, please know I hear you. FWIW I think other posters need to remember OP has not long lost her mum (1 yr is nothing. Anniversaries are hard).

I have been / am in a similar situation and it feels really, really shit. There's nothing grabby about it, I've since realised (13 years later) that it isn't really about the money at all. For me, it was another layer of grief for the life that was and could have been before my mum's sudden and untimely death. And an unpleasant awakening to the lack of consideration my dad has for his kids, which my mum had worked her socks off to more than make up for, in spades, for years, to the extent we'd never noticed it. In a way, my siblings and I all feel like we lost two parents when our mum died.

My father is now married to another, much younger, woman. I wish he was happy, but he isn't. He's lonely and bored because he's moved away from his family to be with her, she works full time in a demanding job and he is at home all day alone with no friends of a similar age. He could have done things to make sure that mine and my siblings' lives weren't any more negatively impacted by our mother's death than they had to be. He could have thought about her wishes. He didn't do that. Just like he didn't when he threw out loads of old family photos and childhood posessions without speaking to us, hasn't remembered a birthday card, or to call his grandkids, or anything else that my lovely mum would have done for the last 13 years.

It's not grabby. It's not about the cash. It is a very, very hurtful realisation that despite still having one living parent, there's no one who has your back.

You have my empathy OP. I can't offer you any solutions I'm afraid. My dad wasn't abusive, just a bit rubbish. My relationship with him isn't what I hoped it would be, but I've mostly come to terms with that now. I wish you didn't have to.

PPs could do with being a little compassionate.

She asked about the law. You and others made the assumption that it was all like The Waltons.

@AppelationStation wow your dad sound just like mine. So fun isn't it ?!
So sorry for the loss of your mother they are irreplaceable and leave a huge hole x

Can you challenge the Will and claim a portion of your mother's assets?

You and your brother might be able to put a deposit on your own small home.
Would your father be open the putting half in to the house with his new wife and investing in a property for you and your brother to rent out?

I married a widower 2 years after he lost his wife. His kids and family were concerned about inheritance so we have wills etc drawn up and a prenuptial. I know prenuptial in the UK are pretty controversial but legally it shows intent at the time of marriage. I live in my husband's house but it's not mine. His 3 children will inherit it. I kept my house and rent it out and that will be left to my 2 children. If my husband dies before me I will return to that home. Recently we've talked about buying a home together with the 5 children inheriting it between them. It actually works out that they will all still inherit a very similar amount as they do now. If we downsize and the house is worth less than the ones we have now, it will release money now and we will give his children with cash now to compensate for the drop in inheritance. His kids are losing out slightly as I am now entitled to a percentage of his pension and all of his/our savings. But it works both ways as my kids also lose out on a percentage of my pension. When we are both dead any joint savings will be split between the 5 kids.

Can you challenge the Will and claim a portion of your mother's assets?

Is that really possible when their mother left everything to their father? There's no argument that her mother intended for them to get a portion of the assets, if her will shows that she wanted her DH to have it all.

YABU. you said your mum left everything to him & him & his new wife will be distributing their combined wealth equally between their 4 kids. That sounds really reasonable.

but it's their money - you are not entitled to an inheritance & should focus on providing for yourself. It’s a lovely additional support if someone has something left to give & chooses to give it to you, but equally they could spend it all on care home costs or big blow out holidays & it’s none of your business.

you said they are combining their money to buy a £1m house, but responded to someone else saying that didn’t mean you expected to inherit £500k between you & your brother. This is the bit of math I’m not understanding.

I am so sorry OP. I think it is understandable to be upset because you know that what is potentially happening now is not what your Mum's wishes would have been regarding her share of the estate.

My Mum sadly passed last February. My Dad is now looking to sell the family home and buy a property with his new girlfriend. My position is slightly different because my Mum put her half in a trust to ensure it ended up with me any my brother (which my Dad has subsequently tried to undo - although thankfully I stopped him!)) - so I have been swotting up on this area of law a fair bit recently.

My understanding is the legal position can be quite complex in these areas...

*It would depend on how they own the property i.e if they own as 'tenants in common' then they each have a 'share' of the property (defined as a %) that they can dispose of as they wish in their will. However if they own the property as 'joint tenants' then the concept of survivorship means that the surviving co-owner will automatically obtain the deceased co-owners interest in the property, irrespective of any will - it would essentially mean that your Dad wouldn't have a share he could leave in his will. The partner if she survived your Dad would own the entire property.

*If they were to get married and your Dad did not update his will - then the default position is that the partner as the new wife would inherit everything.

*If they don't get married but are living together and your Dad did not provide for her in his will then she would be able to make a claim and contest the will under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975.

It is a very complicated area of law and definitely one you would want your Dad to take advice on - but if your Dad wants to ensure that his share goes to his children he really needs to take legal advice on (i) how to hold the property (ii) his will and (iii) a cohabitation agreement.

Hope that helps!

@EmeraldA129 YABU. you said your mum left everything to him & him & his new wife will be distributing their combined wealth equally between their 4 kids. That sounds really reasonable.
How is it reasonable when he is putting in 2/3 and she only 1/3. In later life marriages it is not reasonable that the dc of the worse off partner just gets a windfall because their parent partnered up with a richer person.

What is reasonable in late life partnerships is for people to keep their finances relatively separate. At most the surviving partner could have a life interest in a property but even then it depends on age. If two people in their 70s marry for example it's reasonable that they leave with what they entered with.

You sound very reasonable.

It’s reasonable that the two people who own their land are able to make the decisions that are best for them (including blowing all of it if they want to).

they want to have a home together, they have discussed what this will mean for & with their families. that is reasonable.

The op doesn’t even sound like she likes her DD bit is worried she won’t get enough cash out when he dies because he’s making decisions that make him happy now. That is not reasonable or nice.

the woman may have a smaller house & £1m savings - who knows.

Exactly. Why on earth wouldn't you want to protect your children's interests at all costs? They're YOUR CHILDREN.
I would hate it if something happened which meant my children missed out on my estate when it could really help them. I see it as my duty as a parent to ensure they get everything I can possibly give them when I'm gone! I don't feel like I would be being a good parent if I didn't.

I
think the issue here is that
your mother didn’t leave her half to you, it’s now your dads, you’ve admitted to not being close to him, so maybe he considers you getting a share as enough.

But your mother didn’t think this way, so you are stuck with whatever your father decides to do.

they need to own the house as "tenants in common" that splits to asset in the way it was bought 33/665, then they need to put the house into a trust, whereby the surviving partner has lifetime access to the house - but unable to sell it, as the beneficiaries of the trust are set up in the 33/66... so the beneficiaries of the 33 would be her two children (or whoever she dictates), the beneficiaries of the 66 would be your dads side as he dictates.

We've just got married and done the same with our assets.

That'd be the right way to do it.

In reality though, the new woman is probably taking old da for a ride the way you've explained it.

You need to be very careful as to what you say to your dad, who is not the best of men. He can change his will anytime he wants and the next one could leave everything to new woman and her kids. Obviously he is being unfair to his bio children, but it is up to him. If you challenge him about the unfairness you could find yourselves out of the will. I'd just play along with him and hope new woman gets fed up with his coercive ways.

@cambridgecoral My guess is your mum went to the solicitor with your dad and for IHT reasons, they left everything to each other. DH and me have done the same. However I now intend to change my will to protect my DC as DH has had affairs. My DC and me don’t trust him to be fair to DC should I die (he spends a lot on cars) and he knows I would want my share to go to the dc, not another women and her family. Or yet another expensive car he doesn’t need. And we all rather suspect there would be both pretty quickly. So I’m seeing a solicitor now to see how I change my will. There’s a lot of money involved but I do feel I had not thought through the possible consequences of leaving everything to DH, other than IHT implications.

As for looking after parents: my DM has changed her will so grandchildren and her own three children all inherit the same proportion. Three grandchildren never visit. One of my siblings never visits. Another one has spent years not visiting but has shown up in the last 18 months. The prodigal daughter of course. No help ever given in respect of anything. After care fees there won’t be much snd neither of my siblings is coming to see DM on her 100th birthday. If it was my will, I know what I would do! They also don’t know DM has changed her will. I’ve decided I’m saying nothing. It’s not my will.

Changing your will won’t matter one bit if you own the property joint tenants. The house will still go to him.

You need to sever your joint tenancy. There are forms online you can complete and send to him.

I’m sure my solicitor will help me sort it out. But at least I’m doing something about it.

We own three properties. So quite complex.

Personally I'd be willing to give up all inheritance if I thought my parent would be happier with a partner in their old age, but then that's just me. I care more about people than money.

This kind of saintly sanctimonious response makes me cringe so much, esp the ‘that’s just me’. Some people have no idea that other people’s relationship with their parents is different to their perfect one.

I can understand why you're upset, but by how you're describing your father it's unlikely he was a faithful husband and I'm sure your mother knew that. Given she didn't do anything to protect the asset then you father is free to do as he wishes and if this new woman is going to be his servant (and it doesn't sound you like him much so I'm assuming you wouldn't be doing much for him) then she probably deserves it. I'm actually assuming that would've been the agreement they've had in place early on. Count yourself lucky that you won't have to do anything so it's probably worth it.

OP It is ok to feel angry and upset at your dad. But it’s not out of character is it. He sounds like an awful parent/partner/dad. Just see his contribution to your life as that you will parent the opposite way to him and be a great mum.