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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think lingerie is a good Valentine's gift?

179 replies

Moonfishstar · 14/02/2024 18:39

So, my friend is pissed off with her bf (been together 8 months) for buying lingerie for as a valentine's present. She says it's a "present for him, not her!" She showed me a photo - it's expensive and classy not cheap and nasty.

I disagree, and I think it's a good present - better than some tacky cuddly toy or a bunch of red roses that will be dead by the end of the week! It shows your partner thinks you're hot and desires you sexually -that's surely a good thing and something you can enjoy together rather than it being "for him", especially when sex in so many relationships seems to be either crap or a rare occurrence, and so many men seem to have their heads turned by porn!

OP posts:
SilverSimca · 14/02/2024 18:40

It’s not a present I’d be hugely impressed by. I’d rather have flowers.

idontlikealdi · 14/02/2024 18:40

It is a present for him, with an expectation of sex.

WhoopWhoopNow · 14/02/2024 18:41

It’s an awful present.
I hope you didn’t tell your friend how she should feel about receiving this present!

JTRSOP · 14/02/2024 18:41

I’m with you OP, I’d like it. But I like sex 😂

MrsKeats · 14/02/2024 18:42

It's grim and patronising.

Pheeeeebs · 14/02/2024 18:43

It’s a present for him, and your suggestion that she should be glad he desires her and he hasn’t yet turned to porn is just ridiculous, the two are not mutually exclusive.

Testina · 14/02/2024 18:43

I wouldn’t be impressed if my friend didn’t listen to me.
Sure, it’s a great present for some people.
For others not.
If my friend was unhappy about it, I’d chat to my friend - not head to the internet to find people to agree with me that she’s wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️

SnapdragonToadflax · 14/02/2024 18:43

I would hate it. It's a present for the man.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/02/2024 18:45

JTRSOP · 14/02/2024 18:41

I’m with you OP, I’d like it. But I like sex 😂

Meh, I'm perfectly capable of having sex naked. DH doesn't seem to mind. Nothing to do with disliking sex and more about not being dressed up to titillate

TheChosenTwo · 14/02/2024 18:45

Dh used to buy me sexy underwear for all sorts of occasions, I used to buy it too. We liked to have a lot of sex and I liked dressing up!!
Don’t bother with the dressing up so much anymore and if dh wanted to buy me something I’d wear I would suggest a pair of joggers 😂
I guess if she doesn’t like it she can just ask him to return it, no one should be doing anything they’re not comfortable with.

thistimelastweek · 14/02/2024 18:45

Something about a bloke in the lingerie dept doesn't make me feel warm and tingly.

Noideawwhatsoccuring · 14/02/2024 18:46

It's definitely a present for him.

He wants ro see her in it and there's an expectation of sex.

You Your friends boyfriend did by a crap present for your friend.

Marblessolveeverything · 14/02/2024 18:46

Did she ask for it? No? Then it isn't for her and she is right to be disappointed. He isn't considering her wants not her preferences, which is pretty s**t.

Meanwhile I received some but my partner knows I love a particular brandz it is something I have said I would treat myself to. Context matters to me it is a thoughtful and generous present from my partner.

EBearhug · 14/02/2024 18:46

JTRSOP · 14/02/2024 18:41

I’m with you OP, I’d like it. But I like sex 😂

This. I buy lingerie for me, but I'm happy to wear it for others. If he was buying me some expensive silk stuff that actually fitted, I'd definitely be happy.

Needmorelego · 14/02/2024 18:46

If she regularly wear fancy lingerie then he must assume she likes lingerie.
If she has never worn it in the 8 months they've been together all she has to do is say "err thanks - but this isn't my thing".

Cazpar · 14/02/2024 18:47

Some will like it, some won't.

Neither are right or wrong.

Your friends boyfriend has misjudged his partner, however.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 14/02/2024 18:47

It’s only a good present if the person who
is receiving the present thinks it’s a good present.
So in this case it doesn’t matter what you or anyone on Mumsnet thinks. Only your friends opinion matters

Phoeebee · 14/02/2024 18:47

Depends on the couple surely.

goingrouge · 14/02/2024 18:47

JTRSOP · 14/02/2024 18:41

I’m with you OP, I’d like it. But I like sex 😂

Weird comment.
I like sex and I also like buying my own underwear.

CharmedCult · 14/02/2024 18:48

If your friend said “ah thanks” and decided to keep it for wearing only on days she wasn’t seeing him, would he be miffed?

Of course he would.

Because it’s entirely for him.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/02/2024 18:50

I saw some scratchy looking red lace lingerie in Asda the other day. I wouldn’t be impressed with that. It’s a shame he got it wrong but I don’t think it’s an inherently bad gift.

canttellyouwhereorwhatido · 14/02/2024 18:50

I would bloody love some classy lingerie.. so there .. fed up with M&S pants altogether they are the best for every day .. but would I be pissed off of DH bothered to get some lovely stuff for me ?

No hell I wouldn't.. and would he get sex in return ? Well that depends on how I feel .. I might just want to prance around in it .. but then again I'm 68 and been married a very long time...

Moonfishstar · 14/02/2024 18:51

Noideawwhatsoccuring · 14/02/2024 18:46

It's definitely a present for him.

He wants ro see her in it and there's an expectation of sex.

You Your friends boyfriend did by a crap present for your friend.

If there's no expectation of quite a lot of sex after 8 months in (obviously when they're both enthusiastically in the mood for it!) something is wrong!

Don't you all like wearing things that turn on your DP? In my relationship we both love doing things for each other that we know the other will love, and we have really great sex as a result!

OP posts:
ViciousCurrentBun · 14/02/2024 18:53

Never needed any fancy knickers but each to their own, what colour? if it’s red it’s tacky as anything.

C00k · 14/02/2024 18:56

‘Don't you all like wearing things that turn on your DP?’

Nope.

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