To try and wing working with my toddler if my flexible working request is denied?

[Hellabpit]

I am in a shit situation. I earn enough to mean I have zero government support but just on the cusp of this. I don’t even get child benefit.

My ex partner recently lost his job and is extremely mentally unwell and cannot work. I am paying out almost 1600 in childcare a month, with my mortgage which is 1,100. This is on a good rate fixed for 3 more years, to rent would be even more.

I have a car on finance which is 250 a month. I need a car for work.

I am allowed to work from home once a week and I am planning on having dc at home with me on that day if my flexible working request for condensed hours is declined, I want to work 5 days over 4.5 days.

I am at breaking point. I am disillusioned with everything. I used to be so ‘by the book.’ So careful, so hard working.

I feel so resentful that I am struggling to survive on this level of pay and it seems nobody will help me. I know it’s not my employer’s job to fix my childcare but I don’t see any men in this position and I am done. Would you do this?

Toddlers are incredibly high maintenance. They demand attention and are highly mobile and likely to get into trouble. I can't see how it could possibly work to look after them and attempt to work. I understand your ex is unwell but can he look after the toddler a day a week?

No. You will be shit at your job and shit at parenting. Your employer will probably notice, and will discipline you. What will you do then?

@ConflictedCheetah he is hospitalised.

@Violettaa I don’t know. But I’m going to be getting into debt otherwise

I am sorry you are in this situation. So I am assuming your request is to working less (4 days ?) may actually put you in a better financial position ?

I really struggle to see how you could do this with a Toddler, plenty tried during covid and parents and children are still making up for it. Is there any chance you could bring in a teen lay them to play with toddler?

If your ex isn’t working, can he look after dc for 2/3 days a week?

If he was capable, I’d be pushing this as a solution as much as possible.

What is your plan for the 0.5 day?

So if you don't get child benefit at all, you must be earning close to £60k? If so, I don't understand what you mean by being "on the cusp".

Are you entitled to tax free childcare or 15/30 free hours? How old are your kids?

It's a really really tough situation. Can you access his assets at all to pay the bills?

But you can't work and look after toddler at the same time

I cannot afford this childcare bill

@AntiHop i earn 61,300

I'm a lone parent so no judgement only sympathy, but what I'd say is that when I had to wfh with my toddler present (due to covid in my case), I found it so, so stressful. I couldn't pay full attention to my toddler so she was climbing the walls. I couldn't pay full attention to my work and constantly felt I was about to get into trouble. It was utterly draining and I would never do it again if there was any other choice. So I would advise against it if you're already at breaking point. What I did instead was loads of housework and a bit of relaxation on my wfh days if I wasn't too busy on any given day. I know that doesn't help finances though sorry.

It really depends on your toddler - are they high maintenance or good at playing ? If good at playing you can very easily set up some activities, a few ‘surprise boxes’ (show box or similar filled with little interesting bits and bobs / sensory things to keep occupied. Make sure you’ve made a packed lunch and have pre prepared snacks etc then you might be able to get some work done

So just checking are you using 20% tax free childcare?
How long until you get 30 hours?

Could you do compressed hours, so you only work four days and pay nursery for four but earn five days.

Otherwise, because of.the unusual situation of your ex partner being so ill, you might just need to borrow some money to get through the next year or so

Have you tried to see if you are entitled to any universal credit as a single parent? Even if you were just entitled to the childcare element (90% of childcare costs)

Can you reduce your other outgoings in any way?

Depends on your toddler and your job really. Quiet kid who’ll be happy with Friday being movie day, still takes a 2 hour nap and a job that doesn’t involve long conference calls you might get away with it. If you’ve got a non napping whirlwind and are often required to talk on the phone at short notice then it’ll be a shitshow that could get you fired. Sometimes a mortgage break or borrowing on a 0% card or similar can be worth it to protect your future earning potential. Sorry you’re in this position though, it’s utter shit.

I don't think it's ethical to do this unless your employer knows and is ok with it.

It is possible to work around toddlers (I know; I've done it, pre-Covid and with my employer's knowledge). But you can't do it in secret, and you need to have put substantial effort into figuring out how you're going to do it such that you do justice to your work and your child. As a desperate last resort, it's unlikely to work.

And then, if and when your employer finds out, you give other people who work around children a bad name. Which, personally, I could really do without.

You won't be able to work with a toddler in the house.

You are on a good salary - with childcare vouchers the bill is a bit more affordable?

Can you rent a room out? Have students ?

I feel for you OP. It's an awful situation to be in. And I'm sure loads of people will sadly tell you to cut it up because you have such a good salary, but childcare is crippling.

Most importantly, are you using Tax Free Childcare to pay towards the costs? It's £2k p.a. so it's not loads but it's a help.

Also if your DC is a toddler, will you get 30 hours funding from April?

And have you considered a different sort of childcare which is flexible?

TBH, I would do everything I could to avoid it for the fear of it impacting work, but I can totally see why you want to try. Only you really know your toddler and your job. If you're aiming to work 4.5 days, would it just be for half a day?

Good luck.

And chin up. Before you know it, they'll be in school. You're doing a great job in difficult circumstances.

Argh,my brain goes faster than my typing fingers and then I make a mess.

*people will tell you to suck it up
*different childcare which is cheaper

God OP that's a tough position you're in.

I had a two year old in March 2020 and so I'm very against people trying this - it doesn't work, for either work or parenting. Been there, tried that, failed on all fronts.

I'd try avoid it if you can at all, because you can't afford to jeopardise your job.

But, if you have the type of toddler that can be placated by a cbeebies day once a week and has a nice long nap, and you don't have loads of calls as part of your job...

Problem won't be a popular response however, if you don't have family to support childcare, ask your employer if you can take a career break, or work part-time over flexible hours.
Given the position of your partner, you could look at his claiming PIP until he recovers.
Universal credit could bridge the gap until your DC is entitled to free childcare hours/starts school.

Taking the piss out of the whole WFH thing

No wonder employees are calling people 'back to the office' .

Single parent here too. I think for one day you could juggle it even if it's not ideal. do you have the kind of job where you can catch up in the evenings if necessary?

Does your dc go to nursery? Are there any childminders around that might be a bit cheaper?