To try and wing working with my toddler if my flexible working request is denied?

[Hellabpit]

I am in a shit situation. I earn enough to mean I have zero government support but just on the cusp of this. I don’t even get child benefit.

My ex partner recently lost his job and is extremely mentally unwell and cannot work. I am paying out almost 1600 in childcare a month, with my mortgage which is 1,100. This is on a good rate fixed for 3 more years, to rent would be even more.

I have a car on finance which is 250 a month. I need a car for work.

I am allowed to work from home once a week and I am planning on having dc at home with me on that day if my flexible working request for condensed hours is declined, I want to work 5 days over 4.5 days.

I am at breaking point. I am disillusioned with everything. I used to be so ‘by the book.’ So careful, so hard working.

I feel so resentful that I am struggling to survive on this level of pay and it seems nobody will help me. I know it’s not my employer’s job to fix my childcare but I don’t see any men in this position and I am done. Would you do this?

@Hellabpit why aren’t you responding to people asking you if you use the tax free child care and when you will be able to access the funded hours? Earning 61k you will be eligible for 15 hours from April if 2yo or September if 9mo. Also you will get the full 30 hours funded when 3 (capped at 6 hours per day)

You can’t possibly work and mind a toddler.

Absolutely do it. Give it a try, if it ends up being a problem then look for other solutions.

What does your job involve? I think that is key. Is there any chance of doing some parts of it when toddler is in bed?

Honestly you're doing your work and team mates a disservice and if you get caught you'll probably be justifiably fired. But worse, that's a really horrible thing to do to your toddler, they need attention and caring, and good luck if you even think it's possible!

Hang on ... why can't your partner look after your toddler if he's not working?

My dh earns similar to you so I know how little money you have after those three large bills.

Is your work quite flexible as in as long as it gets done it doesn't matter when? Because you could have toddler at home one day and have a vague routine of aim to do a few hours in day (while toddler naps/plays/watches tv) then the rest of your working day could be done in the evening.

Just checking you get tax free childcare?

You have single occupancy council tax?

You have shopped around on childcare?

Your other bills are the lowest they can be?

It will get a lot easier when dc go to school /get funded hours

Err doesn't she say he is hospitalised for serious mental illness? I would be guessing that's why?

Oh I missed that, I just thought he was mentally unwell

Shouldn't he be getting some kind of benefit then?

OP I really do empathise. My salary is about the same as yours although I have a partner who earns more. Kids are a bit older so it's just holiday clubs and after school care for us. After tax, pension etc etc it's so much less than people think. And of course as a couple we get zero benefits.
Some practical advice to stretch your funds which I think hinge mainly around your big asset, the house - let it work for you:

• the mortgage charter. Banks have an obligation to help. For 6 months you can switch to interest only. A bit of breathing space perhaps.
• you could release some equity. Mortgage rates are cheaper than other borrowing as the money is secured on your property. Could you release enough to cover a year of nursery?

All suggestions of selling the house, renting, ditching the car are ridiculous. OPs requirements are basic.

As far as wfh with your toddler, I don't know, but what I would say is during Covid I had a 3 and 5 year old at home while working and it was hard. I now just have a 9 year old at home after school a couple days a week (younger does after school club) and even then find myself a bit distracted.

childcarechoices.gov.uk Take a look here to check all possibilities of help with your childcare costs.

Toddlers are hard bloody work aren’t they so it’s not ideal but if it’s what you need to do….

Awful suggestion but if you don’t get things done with your toddler there can you work a little in the eve after bed time etc to catch up? In an ideal world you shouldn’t have to…

60k with ops bills is not a huge amount!!

Do you have any relatives that could look after your toddler if you were there?

My parents are a bit older now and would struggle to look after mine all day but I used to work one day a week from their spare room while they watched her and then I could nip down stairs if needed. Or they have come to mine to watch her while I work.

Appreciate you may not have this option though.

The problem is that so many people on MN are desperate to believe that £60k is a huge fortune because not believing that would be to despair. It sounds like it must be an incredible amount if you’re in £25k - and it is depressing how much you have to earn in the UK to feel comfortable (when you have childcare costs in particular).

It’s also easy to think ‘I’m on £25k’ but not really factor in any support you get from CB and UC. The way things are paid make it so your mental model is that you earn your salary and you don’t tot up a combined figure. Nor do people always recognise how much money they save when they have family who provide some of their childcare.

Its also easy to not see that the system is badly designed so people just over certain salary thresholds miss out on benefits etc that mean they may be worse off than they were when they earned less (especially at the £100k point, but a similar issue occurs when you stop being eligible for UC and have big childcare bills plus the child benefit taper - and the absolute absurdity of then needing to do a fucking tax return).

The state of things is more shit than we’d like to believe. I earn more that £60k and I would really love to believe that life was all gamboling through fields of flowers on £60k. Because it is depressing how little of what should be an amazing salary is left after mortgage and childcare. And how depressing it is that the amount I’m better off each month in comparison to when I earned under £40k and qualified for UC is not what you’d expect.

So of course most people really want to believe that £60k makes you rich with lots of disposable income. It possibly should, given how much more it is than the national average salary.

Op could you sell the car and buy a cheap run around? That would save you £250 a month.

Look into childminders or perhaps a babysitter who could come to your house and just entertain toddler while you work but you are still there to supervise lunch etc.

Can you switch to interest only mortgage just for the pre-school years and then go back to the repayment mortgage when they are no longer in childcare.

Ps. I looked after a toddler and worked during covid and was most stressful time ever!

That wasn't my experience, I didn't want to complete a self-assessment so I just called them, they put me on hold whilst they calculated the refund and then said they'd post me a cheque, which turned up in about 5 days.

All in all, I couldn't fault them. I claimed for about 3 year's worth of overpayments which was very handy indeed!

Thank you. I will give them a call and see what happens!

Wondering if this applies https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-tax-charge High income child benefits

She's already said she earns over £60k.

If your income is over the threshold ':50,000
You can choose to either:

• get Child Benefit payments and pay any tax charge at the end of each tax year
• opt out of getting payments and not pay the tax charge

I'm really confused about what your point is? Could you explain it rather than just copy and pasting quotes and links. I know the rules around HICBC.

Simply because OP mentioned that she isn't getting any Gvt support and this looked promising. It talks about paying a fee if you get Child Benefits if you are earning over 50,000 pounds p.a.

Apologies for the gargantuan Logo - it comes up automatically.

Ah OK so you've misunderstood what you are sharing.

You can only claim child benefit if you earn below £60,000. Even after £50,000 it is tapered off so you receive 10% less for every thousand you earn over 50k until you hit 60k when it goes to zero.

The Child Benefit Higer Income Charge is not an additional benefit, more a charge that you have to pay back on your tax return because you have overclaimed.